Cabras Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Today is the day that I - Box her remaining stuff up and hide it someplace I won't have to see it. Don't look at her web site anymore. Seperate my love for her from my desire to be with her. Stop waiting for her to come back. She is dating someone else now. She has hurt not just me, but numerous friends. She has stolen a friend's boyfriend from her just as they were trying to make things work out. She betrayed her friend's trust by supposedly trying to help her friend and this guy reconcile. She has made her one friend that has stood by her and listened to her through all of this so disgusted with her that she doesn't even want to be her friend anymore. She has lost a caring boyfriend who was willing to work on problems in their relationship and replaced him with a lying, cheating man who started a relationship with her based on decieving the two people who cared about them deeply.
Merin Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 In the end of things.. she will have hurt herself too. Hang in there;)
thien_to Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Hey Cabras, these are HUGE steps you are taking and they are the ABSOLUTE RIGHT steps. Use that disappointment and possibly anger to help you through. I just wish i could be angry at my ex. It always seems easier to get over someone if you are angry at them.
Author Cabras Posted December 14, 2004 Author Posted December 14, 2004 I am very sad. Everyone that knows her thinks she is in full on self-destruct mode. It is not my place to try to help her. She has managed to screw up almost everything in her life at some time or another. I think back at all of her lost jobs, unpaid bills, angry friends, bad relationships, and I realize that I may have been the one thing that she got right and she managed to lose me too.
mischafan160 Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Good for you. I think that those are all very wise and relieving things to do and it takes a lot of strength to let someone go, so you should feel proud that you have enough self respect to move on. Definitely don't wait for someone. Life is too short.
head/heels Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 my ex is in the same type of situation....just hope it really bites her in the ass so she can oneday see what a happy person and a happy relationship is and realize its worth...bc she did not appreciate ours and she is low on herself now... but like you i am not her keeper.......although i wish i could be since i know and many others know that she is making bad choices ....cest la vie...there is nothing i can do well except put my faith in god and let him take this burden off of me and off of her....
Author Cabras Posted December 14, 2004 Author Posted December 14, 2004 My mom has been there for me 24/7 since the day my ex and I broke up. She has been pretty devestated by this whole situation. She loved her like a daughter and they were discussing us getting married as recently as a few weeks before we broke up. She has hurt my mom pretty bad as well. Last night my mom told me that the funny thing is she sees my ex wanting me back even sooner now that she knows how bad of a situation she has gotten herself in to, but now my mom really doesn't want me to take her back.
GreenCap Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Cabras Good for you. I keep waffling between deleting our pictures together and not deleting and chucking away all her stuff etc. But I can't seem to make myself do it. Even though I learnt today she is with someone else already. There's a part of me that wants her to come back but in my mind I do know that will never happen. I want to move on with my life but either through insecurity, low self-esteem or what not, I can't move on. Help please!!!!!
Author Cabras Posted December 14, 2004 Author Posted December 14, 2004 I don't want to delete all of our old pictures. I have old pictures of me with old girlfriends. They are interesting to look at once in a while. Right now I just put it all in a box and buried it in a closet. I do best when I am thinking about a happy future without my ex, the day I decide to give us another chance or the day that she comes back and I have to tell her I don't want to be with her anymore. If I think about Christmas, New Years or Valentines Day I get sick to my stomach. I actually felt that way just now writing this. So the idea is let those days come and go on their own. They will be painful to endure for a while, but causing myself pain by thinking about them ahead of time is just not worth it. Even worse I may be worrying about a day like Valentine's day or her birthday that by the time it comes around the pain won't even be there anymore. Then all the worrying will be for nothing. -best wishes
Author Cabras Posted December 15, 2004 Author Posted December 15, 2004 Well, that was quick. Apparently she got a "I can't do this, let's be friends" message from him already. I know it doesn't mean she'll be back, but I'm sure she's not too happy right now.
head/heels Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 oh how the tide has turned!!! sad she threw it away for a short fling......how dispicable.....!!!!very very sad....just sit tight and dont contact or press her about anything...maybe she will come back with apology.......good luck
Weird Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Originally posted by Cabras Well, that was quick. Apparently she got a "I can't do this, let's be friends" message from him already. I know it doesn't mean she'll be back, but I'm sure she's not too happy right now. hahaha dude she'll want back. A friend of mine's ex broke up with him and trashed him to everyone and even made fun of him calling him immature, a loser, etc. She went and started dating some new guy and he used her for sex and then told her it wasn't going to work. She then came back to my friend (this happened within 2 months) crying and wanting him back. Told him she screwed up her life the day she broke up with him and he was the only good thing to happen to her. He told her to basically screw off because he realized she wasnt worth his time. When they brok up he was in pain and wanted her back and thought she'd forget him but sure enough, it was opposite of what he thought. I say you'll see a similar situation. Hang in there son and be strong.
GreenCap Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Dudes Sorry for not being one, have been extremely depressed. My ex is going to marry this new guy she is seeing and even willing to give up her cushy job and relocate to be with him. I never asked her to sacrifice her career for me and build my life around her (since she was on the up and up) and she only knew this guy for a short time and willing do all this for him. Not only is my ego bruised, I feel like I died all over again. What do I do now?
mischafan160 Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 Greencap, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Honestly, it does not sound to me like she made a healthy decision, didn't you two only break up three months ago? You never know, this thing between her and her new guy might not work out in the long run. It sounds like a very hasty and immature thing to do...relocate to live with a guy who she's only known a couple months, right after a serious relationship? Being a girl, I would think it's a bad idea to relocate for someone I've known for years! I'd have to think REALLY carefully before I moved around my whole life for a guy I barely knew. Women should never put all their eggs in one guys basket like that...if he leaves her, she'll be all alone in some strange place. Nahhh...it might not work out as blissfully as she hopes...let her do whatever moronic thing she has to do. Letting go is the only way you'll find peace. I know, it's hard to see her appearing so happy, but you never know what is going on underneath...Good luck hon!
head/heels Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 and he is even stupider since who marries someone after only 3 months....at least she has an excuse....i.e. she just broke up with a good guy who treated her right and now she needs someone to fill the void...what is his excuse? this will end in a divorce or her parents/ friends will talk her out of it....if not just smile and be happy that you arent married to a crazy woman who you probably would never be able to trust again even if she didnt get married to this dude! chin up
head/heels Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 and he is even stupider since who marries someone after only 3 months....at least she has an excuse....i.e. she just broke up with a good guy who treated her right and now she needs someone to fill the void...what is his excuse? this will end in a divorce or her parents/ friends will talk her out of it....if not just smile and be happy that you arent married to a crazy woman who you probably would never be able to trust again even if she didnt get married to this dude! chin up
GreenCap Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Hey guys, thanks for the uplift. Obviously in her mind this new person is the person I never was; so she probably feels her actions are justified. I am just sad that I wasn't the one to make her happy and contented. This place she is locating to is in her birth country so she is not necessarily alone coz I think she knows people in the new city as well. She met this guy the week before thanksgiving when her company sent her back to her home country to work on some project. How true that is I don't know, for we do hear stories of love at first sight blah blah. I did tell her not to do anything in haste. Why could I not be the recepient of this unconditional love? I guess nice guys always finish last. Plus given new country and new beginning and all, this new bloke may not know of her past. He's probably thinking he met an angel like I did when our friendship blossomed into love. My deposit for the engagement ring is gone but that doesn't hurt me, what hurts me is she feels I don't love her enough to marry her immediately when all along I wanted to establish my career to provide for better future, her independent wealth notwithstanding. What wrong is there wanting to be a provider? But there is no turning back. She will leave this Saturday to spend Xmas and New Years with this guy while I weather a cold cold northeast winter without her. First Xmas and New Year in four years without her. Very strange indeed.
head/heels Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 in 4 years without her either...but it is her loss....i know her and she is not a happy person...so in the end i will be better off without her, but it is just getting there that is going to be hard chin up greenie....i am right there with you...4 months and counting.....one day i wont caount though....so...i am goin to reign supreme one day soon...working on me now though you should too
GreenCap Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 heads they say life is a journey not the destination. I wish I could fast forward myself out of this pain, this journey, and get to the promised land. Fact is, while I have dated several people, this is my first true love - I thought my search ended. I am not religious so I do not have a higher power to put my faith in. To think she will be in the arms of another man, sharing his bed while he takes what was once mine...kills me. I have to admit that there is some ego bruising, mostly broken heart, and some possessive tendencies. But ultimately, I wanted and had been preparing to share the rest of my life with this person. Sigh. When he holds her close, pulls her near, whispers the words she's been meaning to hear, I wish I was there, coz those words were mine, to say to her till the end of time.
Weird Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 they say life is a journey not the destination. hehe yeah and it is a journey that I am pretty damn bored with. If there is in fact a heaven then it'd be nice if it could come soon for me because honestly, life on this planet is boring.
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