ponchsox Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 For those who became friends after dating and a mutual breakup, how long did it take and did it take a while to become comfortable as friends or did you hang out immediately?
Mariposa10 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 When my ex and I broke up, we decided to be friends because it was a mutual breakup. We talked and texted pretty much every single day and treated one another as friends. I think what helped us maintained this, was that he lived like 30 minutes away from here I lived, so during that year we only hung out once, a couple of months after we hung out he said he wanted to give it another try because he still was madly in love with me. It took me by surprise, but I ended up saying yes. Realistically speaking, I don't think it's healthy to hang out with your ex...
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Only one where I was able to be friends right away was when it was a mutual break, which is basically what Mariposa posted above. We both liked each other, but we both were busy with other stuff and decided to keep it casual, which worked pretty well. I got jealous once when drunk when she was with another guy at a bar, but that was the only hiccup and every other time I saw her from other guys out I didn't care. Otherwise, it will take as long as it takes for the feelings to completely subside. I'd say six months minimum, but probably longer. But if you are looking for approval to be "Hover Guy" you aren't going to get it from me. No one likes "Hover Guy" and that's not a true friendship.
Author ponchsox Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Yeah, I really don't know if I can do it. I really can't see her as anything but my ex gf. Not sure if I want to hang out with someone that dumped me when times got tough.
Author ponchsox Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 Look, there are a couple of opinions floating around right now about how NC is not the way, and that somehow, to be the better person and (in my opinion), them wanting to "win" the break up, they think you need to be friends. There's no reason for you to think that you're not a good person because you can't. Just like we meet someone new that is so much better than our ex, we make new friends all the time that replace ones we lose. Just leave it. If you feel like being friends later on, you will. But if you never want to see them again, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. If we become friends, it will be several months if not years from now. Since she loves far away, I may be too busy dating other people to hang out. I'm sure it would make her feel better if she can dump me and still have me around as a friend, but I can't see any benefit from my end.
ASG Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 When my ex and I broke up, mutually, we remained friends and were in permanent contact after the break up. Neither of us wanted to get back together, but feelings didn't go away until a few months later. It worked out well though. At first we texted/called every day, but with time, contact became more sporadic. Maybe once a week, then once a month. Or whenever the mood hit. We're still in touch and whenever he's in town we'll meet up for a catch up and will talk a few times on FB. No lingering feelings whatsoever.
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