Friends who love each other but..

[mutualove]

Hi everyone

Sorry if it's long in advance.

I don't know exactly where to begin.I befriended a girl about 9 months ago.We're both 23.She used to be one of my close friend's girlfriend but by the time I became friends with her they were already over.We went to the same college same major and all.In the end it was her that rejected him and told him he doesn't offer anything for her to love.But he would torture her a lot mentally speaking and she would talk to me and I'd comfort her.It used to be till 3 4 in the morning through texting mostly.But my friend (her ex) would not drop it and never got over her.

Anyways times passed and we would continue talking to each other almost everyday and night.After a couple of months had passed and our conversations that mostly was about her situation with him was not about him anymore.We talked a lot over this summer,late texting and all.After a couple of months had passed when we became friends I started to have feelings for her and saw that she could be someone for me to start a relationship with.I sensed the same vibes from her.As our conversations had turned into flirting and just talking and getting to know each other.But we never talked about our feelings mostly because of her past and her ex that was and is a close friend.

So in general we were both doing good with daily talking and occasional seeing each other until Monday when she finally asked the question(Do you love me?).She said she had the impression that I had feelings for her but couldn't love her like two people who are in a relationship because of her past.I told her the truth and when I asked her the same question I found out it's the same for her too.She said it was stronger in summer though and it's not the same.But I know she still has feelings for me.Here comes the problem.After we both officially got our answers and because she had the impression I'd never go more "forward" with my feelings because of her past,she asked if I we could be regular friends.I mean we weren't in a relationship but we weren't acting like regular friends either.I said it was like something in between.So she kept suggesting it and that if we could take a couple of steps back,if I could take a couple of steps back.Because if other people came in our life we would get sensitive and maybe hurt each other by getting jealous and sad.

On the night that we first asked each other the question which was Monday she said she loves me for the first time and another time later indirectly.But the other times that I asked the same question she kept talking about "consequences" if she answered.So the other times she never answered my question and brought up the word consequences.I asked her if there was someone in her life and she said yes.But not before.She said her cousin had introduced him and they haven't talked that much yet.She said she was thinking of saying yes first but after she saw that her impression of my feelings were wrong didn't say anything and said this guy is something random that happened and doesn't concern us and our situation at all.I asked if it's because of your past with my friend and she said mostly yes,that she'd have a guilty conscience and she couldn't do it because of herself,like couldn't live with herself I guess.I kept explaining that it wouldn't be like she'd be betraying him or I'd be betraying him,that he has chained her down and she's not free because of that,but she said no,she's free and can do whatever she wants.But mostly it's the guilty conscience and herself that's keeping her from going forward.

She said she'd need sometime to think,and space,for one week which is more than the 3 4 days that I suggested.I said fine.

So there has been no contact so far.It's been two days now.What you also may need to know is that my friend isn't here anymore.He's thousands of miles away in another country and there's little chance he's going to be here anytime soon.Like I said to her he has completely no chance at any relationship with her and I know my friend is still in love with her.My friend wasn't exactly loyal to her.Towards the end he even had sex with someone else but I haven't told her this because I'd be somehow betraying my friend.But I did tell her that he'd have some other girls in his life when he was with her when I didn't even know they were in a relationship.(we were friends before all this).And once in summer it slipped out of my tongue that we had gone out before once with this other girlfriend that he had and it really got her mad.I told her I know other things about him that I never told you that could ease your guilty conscience so she doesn't need to worry about that part.

She is really especial to me and to be honest I can't be regular friends with her and may or may not see her with another guy.I can't even stand the idea.And I don't want to lose her especially this way.

What do you suggest I do and what do you think is going to happen or what her answer will be?At first I thought she's kind of right and it's normal for her to have a guilty conscience but it'll pass soon.That it shouldn't be something new because we used to talk in a special way not long after we became friends.I told her time will fix things and what we have is too precious to lose.I told her to think about our past and how good things were and the nice things we used to say to each other.I told her that her reasons(her past,conscience,...) are not enough to throw it all away.

Did I or am I betraying my friend this way?I mean they were over before me it's not like she did anything because of me or I had any part in her decision to end it with him.What should have I said or should I say and what do you suppose is going to happen after this?Should I be thinking positive or negative?Was I wrong to give her sometime to think?Should I be worried about this other guy and them talking or not?Even more that I'm not around for a week and she's more "free" some how?

I have given it some thought too and now I can't even see why we shouldn't be together?Now I think she's completely wrong and whatever she's feeling about her past can't be reasons at all.But deep down I'm sensing the answer is no and she'd probably say let's be regular friends meaning less talking and all.And she'd probably say yes and get in a relationship with this other guy.

[GatsbyMH]

You owe nothing to your friend, nor does she. Do what feels good. Life is too short to waste time worrying over what others think. Do what's best for you, always.

[salparadise]

I have given it some thought too and now I can't even see why we shouldn't be together? Now I think she's completely wrong and whatever she's feeling about her past can't be reasons at all. But deep down I'm sensing the answer is no and she'd probably say let's be regular friends meaning less talking and all. And she'd probably say yes and get in a relationship with this other guy.

 

Man, you need to make a strong move right now... don't give her a week to get something started with this other guy! I hope you haven't waited too long.

[mutualove]

Man, you need to make a strong move right now... don't give her a week to get something started with this other guy! I hope you haven't waited too long.

 

I did whatever I could.I don't know what a strong move is in my situation here.Like what?

[mutualove]

So she contacted me through text yesterday after one week that she had requested.We talked about 30 minutes about different irrelevant stuff.She didn't seem sad and I acted completely normal myself.In the end I teased her a bit and she put a smiley face and that was that.I didn't say anything to continue that kind of conversation and didn't ask what conclusion she came to after that whole week.She didn't mention anything either.And since yesterday morning until now hasn't said anything since.If her answer is yes she should have told me by now,or even if it's no I don't see why she hasn't said anything.I feel like she's expecting me to ask her or say something,or she's expecting me to come to her,and I don't understand why.I'm really confused.

She ask how was it when she wasn't around and I gave her a neutral answer.She got upset that much I know and that she was expecting me to say something along the lines of I missed you or it wasn't good or whatever.But I still don't understand her silence.