yesterday2501 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 A girl messages me out of the blue about a week and a half ago on a dating site, which I hadn't been on in a while. She says I should think about changing my profile as it's kind of negative and won't help my chances much (it's true; I sort of left it that way to discourage people and see what happens). I told her it was good advice and we started talking, at which point we found that we were both burnt out from a lot of connections on the site that went nowhere and had a few things in common. We ended up going on for paragraphs at a time and eventually just said goodnight. Nothing from her after that, so I decided to message her back midway through the week and strike up a conversation, saying I was bored at work and felt like talking. Went on for a while again and she disappeared. I figured she lost interest, but the next day, just for the hell of it, I asked her if she wanted to get coffee Friday evening. She said yes, and gave me her number. Without contacting her any more, I met her the next day for coffee and it seemed like it went really well. We talked about how we value honesty, miss being in a relationship, horror stories from online dating... I made it clear that she can be perfectly straightforward with me, no big deal, and she, in turn, shared some personal things, which she indicated that she didn't normally feel as comfortable sharing with guys she just met. She did claim to be awkward and there wasn't really any flirting. Said she was getting tired after about two hours and we left. I asked if she wanted to do it again sometime and as I was trying to say that it's OK if she didn't, I wouldn't take it personally... she started to say that yes, she really did. Then there was an awkward moment. I told her I was thinking about making a little move and as I stepped forward, she started to back away a bit. "Like... a hug?" she said. "Yeah, a hug." I said. I was thinking a kiss on the cheek, but whatever. Then it turned out I was standing between her and her car, which I didn't realize. "Oh, I thought THIS was your car." I then promptly got out of the way. Sent the after-text saying I had a really good time, let's do it again soon. She said she enjoyed talking to me and that sounded good. Next day: No texts to or from. Sunday afternoon: I texted her asking how her weekend was going. She replied at first with a couple paragraphs and then only a sentence or two, then not at all. The conversation was basic and she did say she was busy. Later in the evening I tried again, asking if she'd like to go to an event on Wednesday. She said that sounded fun and she did. She went off to bed and I told her I'd text her about picking her up the next day or Tuesday, to which she replied, "You can text me anytime." Monday: She still has not sent a first text. I start a conversation in the evening, very brief replies, don't get around to the details before she says goodnight. Tuesday: I initiate again in the evening, not wasting as much time in asking if she still wants me to pick her up for the event. She says yes. I tell her what time I'd be there and she says... that she will text me the directions to her house tomorrow? Hmmm... We start to talk about things and she's still brief. Not disinterested brief (she is still replying), just more brief than before. I give her a compliment that I didn't think was too overboard, but then I didn't hear anything from her the rest of the night. So here it is, Wednesday. I'm at work, she's at work, and I'm waiting to see if she'll finally initiate and tell me where she lives so I can pick her up, which I have been assured twice now that I am doing. So the question is... is she going to flake out on me? Not text me back? Disappear? Because it seemed like even if she wasn't madly in love with me from the start, she was more than open to trying it out and seeing where it goes. But the recent trends show a lot less effort on her part than when we first got in contact. Or maybe she's not trying to seem desperate/easy? Assuming it's all good from here on and we'll just keep going out? For the record, I like her a lot. She's really nice and she mentioned something she'd always wanted to do when we first met and I've always wanted to do that exact same thing. BUT... I also don't like to be strung along, have my time wasted. I made her aware of this... she did admit to having talked to guys and then not returned their texts, but it seemed like she and I were cool with being honest. It wouldn't be the first time I've been played. Thoughts? Comments?
Author yesterday2501 Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Color me stupid. She just texted the directions. Here goes...
MidwestUSA Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Color me stupid. She just texted the directions. Here goes... Yay, and good luck. I was going to suggest offering to meet her somewhere and go from there on the chance that she was reserved about giving directions to her house. But I see that's not an issue. Have fun!
Assasda Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 You should have fun more and Text less. Sometimes you might have to leave her behind if she doesnt contact you in time, to let her know that your time is important to you
Author yesterday2501 Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 So I'm picking her up in about three hours. I look good, I think I smell good, we're going somewhere social where I know people who'll make it look like I have normal friends. She gave me her address and I'm picking her up, so that has to imply some level of comfort... So I can't see this going too poorly unless I vomit, but here's the tricky part. I've been talking to my best friend. He's engaged, I'm divorced, I trust his judgement. At the end of the night, I drop her off, tell her I had a good time, hope she agrees... So my thinking was that I would see if she's free sometime Saturday or Sunday to go for a walk somewhere scenic and get dinner. I play the adorably awkward card and say maybe we could call it a "date" this time, I'm not very good at playing it cool, I enjoy being around her and thought maybe we could just give it a test run. HIS thinking was that I say goodnight, maybe go for the kiss on the cheek, and let it go from there, see if she finally texts me first later, without making plans. We decided to compromise; I ask her about Saturday and Sunday, don't force it, don't call it a date, and see how it goes. I'm nervous. I think this one might be sane and she's pretty. God, I'm so neurotic.
Author yesterday2501 Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 I don't know... I think I struck out. Or not. Either way, ball's in her court now. So I pick her up, start talking about "how was your day" kind of stuff. I can't tell if she's awkward or disinterested. Either way, there's not much energy in the car. Get where we're going and I don't know as many people as I thought there, but I introduce her to the people I do know and she's friendly enough, but clearly not good in social situations. After a while, it seems like there's not much for us to do. We eventually duck out, and she starts telling me about how she's socially awkward. The ride back to her house, she's a lot more talkative. Talking about shows we watch, things she finds funny (she doesn't like humor that "tries..." she does laugh at something I say, because it's "dry" and because I "wasn't trying")... A little before we get to her place, she mentions that she deleted her profile on the dating site where we met, that she was getting all kinds of messages and got tired of it. I take this as a kind of "move in for the kill" hint and start talking to her about her supposedly perfect ex-boyfriend she met on the site. She talks about how, in hindsight, she didn't like a lot of things he did. I ask her if she felt like she loved the guy. She's not quite sure how to answer that, but it seems it wasn't meant to be. As we're pulling up to her house, I feel like I'm not really getting anywhere. I apologize, saying I feel like I bored the hell out of her, but she insisted she liked it and she's glad I invited her. Here's how the conversation went from there: Me: So I was going to see if you were free sometime Saturday or Sunday, I thought maybe we could... Her: Hang out? Me: Well yeah... or maybe go for a walk somewhere and then go for dinner. Thinking if there was a place you like, I could take us there. Her: Um... I should be free on Sunday... I'll know for sure by Friday... But yeah, probably Sunday. Me: I mean, if you want to... Her: Yeah, I should be free Sunday. Me: I'm... kind of awkward, too. (At this point, she's looking at me and smiling, so I guess that's good) When I like someone, I'm not really good at playing it cool... Her: Oh, "playing it cool?" (She laughs a bit) Me: And the other day when we were talking, you mentioned that you'd always wanted to go to Seattle and it kind of blew my mind... Her: Why did it blow your mind? Me: Because I've always wanted to go to Seattle. ... Me: So yeah... Sunday... we could... Her: Well, not go to Seattle on Sunday! (Awkward laugh) Me: No, no... but yeah... maybe dinner. Then she thanks me for taking her out again, gets out of the car, no hug, no nothing. Waves to me as she's walking away. I get home and I'm confused. Did I blow it or is she just really that awkward? This doesn't even seem like the same person I had out for coffee. But she's not giving me a clear signal either way. I'm sitting around wondering if there even IS a next move here. But me being me... yeah, I had to go and do something stupid and put the last nail in that coffin. I'm in bed and still thinking. I know she's probably asleep, because she told me she normally goes to bed really early, gets up really early... But I send her a text saying sorry if I'm waking you, couldn't sleep... I wanted to tell you earlier that I think you're really pretty, hope I'm not being too weird, goodnight. Of course, I haven't heard a thing since. Now... the bottom line here is that if you don't like a guy to tell you you're pretty, then I can't help ya. But there's always the possibility that I'm coming across creepy. I don't have a clue.
Author yesterday2501 Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 The implication was supposed to be "no, like a date" but I probably could have pushed for it more. I guess I feel like I should take it slow with this one and I did get the sense that this date was less than impressive, which is why I backed off. Believe me, if I make it to dinner on Sunday, I'm going for the the gold.
Lansing Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Man... You are over analysing.. First things first, stop apologizing for everything... Especially when there is no reason to apologize. Just stop looking for confirmation from her. You should listen to this podcast about how not to talk through silence: SLW 0057: Stop Talking Through Uncomfortable Silences (When Asking Her Out) I came across this guys stuff in the last few weeks and I have been listening to his podcasts. He knows what he is talking about and he isn't into PUA manipulation stuff.
Author yesterday2501 Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 Believe me, I'd love to. I hate texting, but it's how most people want you to communicate with them now, even people my age (I'm 30). It's so bloody frustrating trying to communicate with someone a few lines of text at a time. Another thing my friend brought up: there was NO physical contact last night. Zero point zero. No hand holding, no hug at the end, she didn't even brush up against me when we were walking around. And she was wearing a big sweater, looked like she was wearing her after work clothes. So I don't know. She was either painfully shy and maybe just cold or she was being awfully reserved for someone who let me pick her up at her house and take her somewhere.
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