beyondcrushed Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 My bf of 8 months broke up with me 6 weeks ago. We were both rebounds for each other. I ended my marriage. His exwife ended their marriage. And a few months later, we started dating. When we started I thought I was emotionally ready, but he was very low and depressed. Sometimes it was hard for him to be with me because of his feelings for his wife. As the weeks went by, he seemed to move on and past that and became focussed (so it seemed) and enthralled with me. He began to move the relationship along very fast. I ate up his attention and affection. He also bathed in mine. After a few months, he suggested moving in together because he want to be with me all the time. So we planned a move in a year. During the next 8 months, he would complain and be angry about his exwife and some of the things she was doing or saying. Particularly, he called me immediately upset after learning she was dating again and had a boyfriend. It was clear to me, he wasn't over her, although he was adiment he was. He would also pull away from me and become distant many times. He told me he has guilt over the end of his marriage and that he only ever loved two women -- his first gf and his wife. I realize he was likely not really emotionally available for me. At the same time, I was on the rebound and brought my marital baggage to this relationship. I would compare him (in my head) to my exhusband. My bf wasn't as outwardly loving, compassionate or romantic as my exhusband. I was beginning to wonder if my bf was right for me. But by that time, i was emotionally invested and it was hard to think objectively. The more he pulled away, the more I chased -- asking what's wrong, do you love me, show me you love me. He ended it because of my 'smothering'. I look back and wonder if we ever had a chance, or is this what happens in rebounds? Anyone else have a similar situation? Also, would we have had a better chance if we waited a year after our marriages ended, to get over our our spouses and deal with our baggage, before starting a relationship?
Philosoraptor Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Rebounds generally move too fast and put emotions from past relationships onto the new relationship. If you're constantly comparing your new partner to your ex, comparing your new life with this person to the one you had with your ex, or have concern on what is going on in your ex's personal life you're probably rebounding. Sucks to be a rebound, but if you read the signs and choose to ignore them you are sealing your own fate. I was a rebound once and ignored the signs, never did it again. As someone can't give a new person a fair chance if they are still being judged based on actions their previous partner took.
Author beyondcrushed Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) It is so true. Our fate was sealed. I suspect not many rebounds work out for those and other reasons. I absolutely hate feeling like this. I will never rebound or be a rebound ever again. It's terrible. My exbf and I talked about waiting a year to recover from our marriages and do our own thing, then get together, instead of rushing in and rebounding with each other. I wish we were strong enough to have chosen that path instead. Now I'm emotionally devestated. Sad, cause he's not, because he had his walls up most of the time and his heart was really with his exwife. Thanks so much for your insight. Edited October 30, 2013 by beyondcrushed clarification
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