ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) Hello all. Its SO weird posting here since for the past year, I've been posting in the breakup section. Its been a long and rough year for me because of my ex, but I finally got over her and am now moving forward. So, I tried online dating for the first time a couple months ago. I went on about four dates and they all went pretty crappy. Not because of anything I did, but ALL 4 (yes ALL 4) JUST broke up with their ex BF's (within the last month) and used the site to get back the mojo. VERY annoying, but I wasnt really mad because I understood the pain they were probably going through. I also wasnt looking incredibly hard either I just kinda let them approach me and what not. ANYWAYS, I started talking to a girl about three weeks ago through e-mail (She is 23 I'm 27) She was nice and very friendly. I went ahead and gave her my phone # and we texted a bunch. I could tell she was REALLY into me (and me her) just by the conversations we were having. I finally decided to meet up with her tonight for a movie. Things went GREAT. She was attractive, pretty funny, and just upbeat which was refreshing. We went to a bar afterwards and just talked to about 3am...and made out for quite awhile too lol (could have been more, but I didnt want that. Not a one night guy) Things went so well that we planned to hang out again before the weeks end. Now, here is the thing. I get along with her well and what not, but there are HUGE differences in our lifestyle. She is jewish, I am Christian. I'm not overly religious (I just live by the be nice and treat everyone with respect lifestyle) and she was born into a jewish family and isnt too big on it. She is a huge democrat and I republican. Again, I'm not hardcore Republican either, but there is that. She is a vegan and I am not. I love meat. Finally, she doesnt drive. She is 23 and makes it a choice to not drive but rather take the bus. She lives about 40 minutes away from me so I guess most of the driving would be done by me or meeting her somewhere. That is the part that annoys me the most (she lives near downtown in a large city). I do like her and she seems cool, but those are pretty large differences wouldnt you say? She has the same life goals that I do (wants kids someday, be very successful, etc). It was nice to feel accepted again I guess after my recent year. I dont know and its still pretty early in the process, but I'm not sure if its just because I like the attention again that I'm willing to overlook such glaring differences. What do you guys think? What do I do? Edited October 30, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing
Philosoraptor Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 What have you got to lose by continuing to get to know her? Looks like you're looking to cut ties before you even get to know the girl. As long as you both are respectful to one another's differences there shouldn't be an issue here. You like her, she seems to like you, and you have another date planned... so see her again. 1
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 What have you got to lose by continuing to get to know her? Looks like you're looking to cut ties before you even get to know the girl. As long as you both are respectful to one another's differences there shouldn't be an issue here. You like her, she seems to like you, and you have another date planned... so see her again. Yeah, youre right I guess. Guess I feel like I dont want those issues to pop up later ya know?
Assasda Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 You are worrying about stupid stuff. So what if she doesnt eat meat, Make fun of the fact that you do. This is such a non-question, I have no idea how to respond to this 1
forgetmenot75 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 omg, I truly, but truly wished this message was different, because I started to read and thought wow, I'm so glad he found someone so cool. but yeah, huge differences that in the long term will take a tool on the relationship. I'm a psychology major, and I'd advice to look for someone who has same values/ideas. Statistically, the success rate for relationships in which the couple doesn't share same values is really low I'm sorry. You could still have fun with her, though. You don't have to think on the long term. Have fun, don't get too attached. 1
Balzac Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 She's 23 and "vegan" is a rather broad term. I've dated vegetarian girls. Easy enough even at Smith & Wollensky. Rarely a need to phone ahead. Jewish is religious and cultural. I guess that boils down to the child issue. Political is often more about individual ability to hold discussions while avoiding argument. That's easy in my experience. I'm guessing she's toting her newly earned diploma and in her first career job. Honestly her local career opportunity is much more an issue. Have fun. 1
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) Hey guys thanks for all the replies. Its SO awesome to see everyone that has answered so far I've seen on here before. I dont know why that is so pimp, but it is to me lol. Any more help is appreciated! I've had a lot of time this past year to make me...well me again. I'm finally there again so that's awesome (thanks forgotmenot for that too I agree with everyones take and respect opinions more than you'll ever know. I'll give a slight update here and maybe you guys can give me more advice? I'll repay the favor for many of you So, I had off work today (as did she) so she texted me up and asked if I wanted to explore some downtown with her (I just moved into "the" city a couple months ago, so I'm rusty on whats around). I said that sounds awesome. So we went to a museum and then to get some pizza (vegan pizza lol. Not bad actually. Probably healthier than 98% of the crap I usually eat). We got to talking for many hours and it was nice. She is really cool. We had a light convo about just life and view points of stuff.. It turns out, she believes a LOT of what I do. All topics from children in life (wants 1-2), stances on strong issues (abortion, death penalty,etc), and other things of the sort. Really cool stuff. The convo got sped up REAL fast (definitely not "date #2" stuff. Not my intention but just kinda happened) and I happened to bring up the Jewish heritage. I told her that I thought she was really cool, but the Jewish-Christian difference was kinda out there and bothered me. She said that her father was Jewish and they dont really talk anymore, so her faith in Judaism is not there anymore. Said she doesn't know what she really believes anymore (like me). I also told her the non-driving thing was an issue for me, and she said that she understood that and isnt against driving, just never really needed to in the city. Said she was open to driving in the future. She told me that she does really think I'm awesome and much different than most guys out there. I told her thanks and that if anything was going to happen out of this, I want to take it incredibly slow because I (obviously) am still hard on trusting. So, it went well I guess. She wanted to do something next week (my friend from home is flying in tomorrow) and I said we will see. I'm being incredibly calm about things...because I am lol. Every relationship I possibly go into, I have to see SOME sort of future with (why be in a relationship with someone if you dont see that?), but I mean those differences are still there. What everyone said on here was so right, and what forgotmenot said also echos home. That was my initial fear, hence why I wrote this thread. Thinking SO far ahead is deadly, but I mean...am I stupid for worrying about these differences? I'm not old (27), but I'm at the point of my life where I WANT something more than just dating. I knew REALLY deep down that my ex wasnt that person and I've accepted that, so when I find someone I might want to spend so much time with, and possible much more later, than I want our views to be the same. For a good part of it, there is huge similarities...at the other side, there isnt. Where do I go from here? Edited October 31, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing
Author ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 Oh, but they will. The next time you're eating a cheeseburger or a chicken leg, you'll hear all about what a disgusting caveman you are. And if she's a 'big time' Democrat like you claim, then she's one of the many who voted this buffoon into office for another term (along with lots of dead people, people of questionable citizenship and people voting more than once). Hell, that ALONE is reason to dump her ass. This message brought to you by the "Vote for Chris Christie in '16" campaign
Recommended Posts