Kate9292 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 That's kind of silly, don't you think? At least go out with them that one time, see what they are like, give them a chance as opposed to writing them off immediately like that? And if you go and still don't feel chemistry, you are accused of leading them on. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I'd rather end it quickly too.
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 That's kind of silly, don't you think? At least go out with them that one time, see what they are like, give them a chance as opposed to writing them off immediately like that? I tried but ended up feeling like I was using the guy to buy me dinner. I didn't like that feeling. I was a bad date because I sat through most of the encounter freaking out inside my own head about what was going to happen at the end of the night. Half the time I couldn't even follow the conversation. Saying no upfront worked for me & felt more genuine. I was never impolite. I would happily put the person in the "friend zone" & get to know them but without that spark I learned not to even give the guy false hope because I've never had the experience where lust grew on me over time. Perhaps my approach isn't for everyone but it worked for ME. If it feels unfair to you, I'm sorry but what kind of relationship partner would I be, if the whole relationship was founded on a lie because I was being untrue to myself & therefore, the new guy?
Author irc333 Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 To be honest, I think I'd be more compatible with a woman that let the chemistry build off of familiarity as opposed to the other way around. I've always been of the mind to "let the person grow on you over time" instead of the instant spark. I tried but ended up feeling like I was using the guy to buy me dinner. I didn't like that feeling. I was a bad date because I sat through most of the encounter freaking out inside my own head about what was going to happen at the end of the night. Half the time I couldn't even follow the conversation. Saying no upfront worked for me & felt more genuine. I was never impolite. I would happily put the person in the "friend zone" & get to know them but without that spark I learned not to even give the guy false hope because I've never had the experience where lust grew on me over time. Perhaps my approach isn't for everyone but it worked for ME. If it feels unfair to you, I'm sorry but what kind of relationship partner would I be, if the whole relationship was founded on a lie because I was being untrue to myself & therefore, the new guy?
MissBee Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Right, I'm more of the mantra of becoming familiar with the person over time, not into the whole "our eyes connected from across the room and it was magic!" stuff I think that's possible, although that "magic" doesn't mean things will work out either. But I'm saying that if on a first date I don't really connect with you then it probably won't advance. It doesn't have to be magic, but I at least should be interested, engaged and can see more between us potentially and should want to know more. If that isn't there I am less likely to give it another go.
Leigh 87 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 It does exist but not everyone, frankly, will find chemistry with a person who feels it mutually. My good friend felt electric chemistry with her guy. He felt it too. They fell hard and fast in love. They were head over heals and smitten from the start. They had an instant thing that is rare to find, and they have lasted. They are very rare though. Most people do feel some chemistry but nothing like "butterflies" the way she felt them. I have felt butterflies once but it didn't work out. I also had one or two others who got my heart racing when they texted. I was excited to get to know them more but it was not INSTANT. Some people have more of a romantic gene. I happen to find a lot of guys I have chemistry with. I don't think I need to bother dating guys who I don't feel romantic chemistry for. Carrie T, a long term poster on here, didn't feel chemistry for her now husband, but he was such an outstanding man that she let the chemistry be "learnt" rather than rely on it to just naturally occur. They are very happily married now by the sounds of things and she mentioned in a thread that the hottest sparks never last. Personally, I am 27 and, like the poster Castle said recently; a relationship is not the final destination (for me as well as him, obviously), and I would rather enjoy life and enjoy new and interesting things life has to offer me opposed to forcing myself to date a guy simply because he is a really awesome person. Personally, I have the most amazing guy who is head over heals for me, he would make a WONDERFUL partner for life on every level. ..The thing is I do not feel the urge to kiss him or really have sex with him though I Have enjoyed it once or twice. I need to want to KISS a guy and enjoy making out with them! That is CHEMISTRY that makes one want to kiss and exchange bodily fluids! I don't want kids. I don't need a relationship, but ONE DAY I do want to have a life parter, at some point. However, a few guys have made me actually WANT to explore the option of settling down with them; because they drew me in with sparks and chemistry and a nice personality. Looks fade and you need to have WAY MORE than chemistry to sustain a relationship, however; I have the option to pick guys who I actually want to kiss and who I feel excited about dating. At this stage in life, I would prefer to date guys I feel chemistry with. Otherwise, they are just a friend to me and I do not feel compelled to explore a romantic partnership.
Recommended Posts