Should i look for a girlfriend when i'm antisocial?

[AntiSocal]

I'm 21 years old and i'm kinda successful. Almost done with my AA. I have a steady job and an apartment.The only problem is i am very anti-social. I don't talk to my family at all. Except for my sister every now and then. I don't do friends. I only have business acquaintances. And i haven't had a "girlfriend" since i was 19.

 

I was fat and ugly growing up. I got bullied by everyone including my own family members. My mom used to go out of her way to make sure I couldn't attend family events. The last time i had a real friend was like 6th grade? Was ridiculed all through jr. high/ high school. I had an allergic reaction that caused my face to break out in boils for 2 months 8th grade year. Ever since then i've had scarring. Its gone now though. But when it was there i was always called ugly.

 

I grew up in a house with an alcoholic mother and abusive father. Mother was pretty abusive verbally TBH. And parents never bought me anything. Ever.

 

I lost a lot of weight right after high school. My face cleared up. And all of a sudden i was so desirable. But by then it was too late. I literally used to hate everyone. And i enjoyed manipulating people. Trying to make girls fall in love with me, so i could see how hard they begged for me later. I only talked to guys who did stuff for me. Not in a gay way. But i used them for cash, alcohol, girls, places to stay, rides, whatever they had. I used to feel like if a person didn't have something to give me i didn't want to talk to them.

 

I still feel that way tbh. I feel like i'm better than most of these sheeple. I see straight through them. I guess its because i was on the outside looking in for so long. But after a while the acting started to drain me. I much prefer to be alone. Without fake people crowding up my space. I hate people. They talk way too much. But at the same time i feel lonely.

 

I know i am capable of loving. I'm not a cruel person. I had dogs and cats as a kid. I've "loved" girls before. But after my high school sweetheart cheated on me idk. I just stopped believing there was anyone who would ever be true to me. Found it hard to open up with girls. I can connect with a girl no problem. I just can't open up myself to her.

 

Anyway should i look for a steady girlfriend even though i have this... flaw? My last girlfriend (when i was 19) ridiculed me for not having friends. For not wanting to go to social events with her. For not talking enough. And for not being idk whatever i was supposed to be. I feel like if i open up to a girl ever again the same thing will happen.

 

I was molested as a child too. By a female family member though. If it matters.

[charlietheginger]

You need theraphy ....

 

someone to let it all to and move on....

[AntiSocal]

You need theraphy ....

 

someone to let it all to and move on....

 

Loled. No. I fear therapists. Weird to have a master manipulator sitting across from me. I feel naked.

[antonio1149]

Dude, I'm sure you do EXTREMELY well with women. As much as people on this forum hate to admit it, you are the kind of guy that can truly clean up. I'm not joking.

 

You will not have a healthy relationship, but you will bang TONS of hot girls.

 

What makes you think he will "bang TONS of hot girls"? Yeah, I know a lot of girls go for the "bad boys," but they're usually not what I'd call top-quality. And it takes more than an antisocial personality to attract women. If he looks and acts like James Dean, then maybe.

 

OP, I agree you'd benefit from some therapy. They are not "manipulators," they are there to help you, and they get paid well for that service. You've been dealt a pretty lousy hand in life so far, and it will take some work getting over and through it, but it's doable. The question is: do you WANT to have a happy life, where you don't hate people? I assume since you made the effort to post what you posted, that you do, at least somewhat.