SugarLips72 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 He posted a month or 2 ago that he met a woman at Starbucks for date and was not going to pay for the coffee until she realized she had left her wallet in the car. We pretty much all called him a cheap bastard. I just got back from an online date At Starbucks. I closed my POF acct weeks ago this guy was residual left over and had his number so we met. He is cute. Romanian. Better looking than I thought. Been in the US for 7 years. I ordered first and assumed he would order after me and pay. He did not. ??? I have to say this was a turn off. I paid for my coffee, he ordered and paid for his. We proceeded to have a nice chat for about an hr when I told him nice meeting him gave him a hug and went out seperate ways. Before we parted he asked if I would like to go out again like to a movie, I said yes but wondering do I pay for second date too?? How do I bring this up politely. I do not think he is broke. He has a full time job and a masters degree. He is either cheap, or does not know the customs out here. What would you do?
elmichi Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 He posted a month or 2 ago that he met a woman at Starbucks for date and was not going to pay for the coffee until she realized she had left her wallet in the car. We pretty much all called him a cheap bastard. I just got back from an online date At Starbucks. I closed my POF acct weeks ago this guy was residual left over and had his number so we met. He is cute. Romanian. Better looking than I thought. Been in the US for 7 years. I ordered first and assumed he would order after me and pay. He did not. ??? I have to say this was a turn off. I paid for my coffee, he ordered and paid for his. We proceeded to have a nice chat for about an hr when I told him nice meeting him gave him a hug and went out seperate ways. Before we parted he asked if I would like to go out again like to a movie, I said yes but wondering do I pay for second date too?? How do I bring this up politely. I do not think he is broke. He has a full time job and a masters degree. He is either cheap, or does not know the customs out here. What would you do? I mean, call me modern, but I don't expect a guy to pay for my drink on the first date. A.) it's just a $3-4 drink. B.) you buy BEFORE you even find out if you like the person. The guy I went out with to coffee didn't pay at first and he paid for ice cream on the 2nd 2
Charlie Harper Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Equality on a post women liberalization world is a bitch, isn't it? Damned if you do, damned if you don't.... on dates don't expect anything, try to learn and to know each other... 2
Author SugarLips72 Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Most men would pay for a $4 cup of coffee. I have been on MANY dates the past year and this is the second time only that I got stuck paying for my own. The other guy did not get date number 2 from me I was not interested anyways. This guy is almost too cute to pass up even though I was turned off by his frugality. Here he is texting me for date #2.
ascendotum Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Its up to you if you want to throw away a chance with a potential good guy over $4. I know you think that is what he is doing with you, but odds on he will be meeting someone new next week if you don't. I find it a bit stiff that you use the term 'stuck paying for my own'. Its not like he walked out and you had to pay the bill for the 2 of you, then you could use the term stuck. You bought yourself a coffee, like you do lots of other days of the week. Its a nice gesture if he had of but you're a stranger to him and it doesn't necessarily mean he wont be more generous with his gfs. You're just as frugal complaining over having to pay your way imo. Maybe he likes going against old fashioned convention. Maybe he wants an independent woman who believes in equality and doesn't need to rely on a man to take care of her. 1
Assasda Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Do you have problems paying 3-4 bucks for your own coffee? Like a whiney little girl
MercuryMorrison1 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Is it customary for a guy to pay for everything on a date? Generally yeah. Should be expected from the woman though?...I don't think so, at least not in modern society. Most men probably will pick up the tab on a date, but women shouldn't stress this much over it if he doesn't. Besides, dating isn't about who pays for what...It's suppose to be about getting to know one another, in which case I think going dutch is completely fair.
AntiSocal Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I don't think girls should expect me to pay. But i always pay anyway. Seems weird that he wouldn't buy you a cup of coffee. If he doesn't pay for your movie bring it up if its important to you.
lollipopspot Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 does not know the customs out here. just curious what is traditional in Romania: Men are expected to always open the doors for women and pay for meals when they get together, even if it`s not a date. Most women will offer to pay for their meal though! Romania: Tipping & Etiquette - TripAdvisor
TylerDurdenn Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Poop McFarts? Are you old enough to date?
Charlie Harper Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Its up to you if you want to throw away a chance with a potential good guy over $4. THIS ! Let me explain before I Start so I am not flamed, that I am a VERY generous guy, I am he guy that takes up the tab, heck my wife is millionaire and I always pay her little whims, that being said let me address the situation on hand. Why women complain that some guy is or might be on the "cheap" side, why they are willing to think that is someone does not spend some money on them on dates etc he has a big black mark on its potential? And the reverse applies, why women do not go out of the way to pay for a coffee, lunch (whatever) if they are interested in some guy? That sense of entitlement ruins so many chances of having a great time/romance/relationship/friendship. Its just a coffee ! its not like a $800.00 where he ordered a super expensive wine and then he splits the tab,and he drank all the wine! Women learn your lesson, you wanted equality, now live with it! learn and move on... /end rant
StanMusial Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Most men would pay for a $4 cup of coffee. I have been on MANY dates the past year and this is the second time only that I got stuck paying for my own. The other guy did not get date number 2 from me I was not interested anyways. This guy is almost too cute to pass up even though I was turned off by his frugality. Here he is texting me for date #2. Romanians are poor. Nonetheless, he can probably skate by on his looks according to you. Remember to have plenty of cash handy for next time, you'll be paying his way soon.
Mascara Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 It's not really about whether or not men should pay. It's more to do with the fact that he wasn't bothered about trying to impress her. And I don't mean he should have been prepared to jump through hoops for a woman, it's just that if a woman had walked in that he was totally blown away by, most men wouldn't risk looking cheap by not buying a $4 cup of coffee. I'm not saying he IS cheap by doing that, I'm just saying most men wouldn't want to risk appearing it... or potentially not giving a good impression to a woman he's intensely attracted to. In short - I doubt he was that into the OP. 1
Carenth Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) I had to chuckle writing a guy off over a $4 cup of coffee. These days it's pretty much a minefield and why many people go dutch these days. I personally always offer to pay however most of my dates in the past would have nothing of it or they demand to pay their share or for the next thing we do. Having the mentality that the guy always pays is no longer the case. Got all the equality stuff going on, which I think is great however you can no longer have the sense of entitlement that guys will pay for everything. Well you can but you will be writing off a lot of guys, that is your choice though. But as I stated before not how I do things, I always offer to pay and do when I get the chance to but honestly seems to becoming rarer these days. Edited October 30, 2013 by Carenth
MidwestUSA Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Where is Poop McFarts anyway? Would be nice to see him chime in here!
ConstantVoyager Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I follow very simple rules. Whoever initiates the first date pays. After that you take turns. (I asked my current boyfriend out, and, yes, I did pay for a very nice dinner.) That said, if a guy asked me out for a simple cheap date like coffee, I wouldn't mind covering myself, because the understanding is that anybody can afford coffee. But, if the initiator asks a date out to an expensive first date, the initiator should definitely pay, because he or she has no real knowledge of whether the other can afford it or not. I wouldn't toss a guy aside for not buying me coffee. I hate coffee dates anyway.
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 This is one of those things that I feel conflicted about, because while I certainly have no problem paying my own way and have always offered, I've never had a guy let me (at least not as early as the first few dates). So I'm not sure how it would make me feel. I think you're being a bit too reactionary, OP. It was just one date and you were just getting to know each other. At least go on a few more dates and see if there's potential there...you don't want to miss out on a great guy just because you had to buy a $3 cup of coffee.
youaremysunshine Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 It's just four dollars! How do you get a coffee when you aren't on a date? Personally I hate when a guy pays... It makes me uncomfortable, like I owe him something. I will only accept dinners or drinks from someone I like and I am dating regularly, and just occasionally as a nice treat. Many women feel this way, he can't know what your personal feelings are on the matter so maybe he would rather just spare you both the awkwardness.
Toddbt12y1 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 The OP has not been back. Possible troll? Anyway. I do pay for dates. But, if the woman in case is stubborn. Thus wanting to pay for herself. I am good with it. Four dollars is not a whole lotta money. Certainly not a deal breaker.
FitChick Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 My guess would be that if the man was not interested in another date, he would be less likely to pay, knowing it would turn off most women. I personally would never pay $4 for a cup of coffee -- ever, for anyone, even myself!
FitChick Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Poop McFarts? I laugh whenever I read that name. Reminds of my little brother when he was in grade school.
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 First meeting and already so entitled! It wasn't even a formal date. Just coffee. Yikes! I can't understand these types. 1
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