Jord Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 i talked to her a couple of weeks ago and things have started to settle down with us. we made up and are civil, but are not getting back together, even though i want to. so her birthday is in a few days. so today, i sent a birthday card, gift card to her favorite store, and a movie ticket i saved from our first date... i know, it's cheesy, but we're both sentimental like that. you guys think it was cool for me to do this? how do you think she would react after all we've been through the past breakup???
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 i talked to her a couple of weeks ago and things have started to settle down with us. we made up and are civil, but are not getting back together, even though i want to. so her birthday is in a few days. so today, i sent a birthday card, gift card to her favorite store, and a movie ticket i saved from our first date... i know, it's cheesy, but we're both sentimental like that. you guys think it was cool for me to do this? how do you think she would react after all we've been through the past breakup??? Completely overboard. The movie ticket part especially was a bad move. 5
aybc123 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Yeah it was probably a bit much, card would've been fine i think. But it depends how long you were together and what kind of person she is (im assuming youre both single otherwise it's just a bit weird) so she might like it or she might roll her eyes abit that you clearly aren't over her. Either way it's not going to change her mind man and doing things like this is only going to hold you back. 1
Author Jord Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Completely overboard. The movie ticket part especially was a bad move. well in the past, we were on the verge of breaking up, and i won her heart back by simply buying the DVD of the movie we first saw. it worked wonders and she came running back into my arms, saying how thoughtful it was, and everything.
Mario79 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Your actions speak loudly, I dont think you are over her and you are trying to get her back. So just ask yourself why give her such a memory, cause if you are sentimental then you either should have known better or its part of a plan. Im sentimental as well. But the person that would have the best idea of how she would feel would be you since you know what makes her happy. 1
reddragon588 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 i'm losing it right now. i just got into an argument with someone. i stormed off. i've been having financial problems, have no close friends, or family to turn to. this is when i would usually turn to my ex for comfort, but i realized she wasn't there anymore. i was literally about to call her and realized she's not in my life anymore. i'm f**king losing it right now, anger, sadness and loneliness is all i'm feeling now. my whole life is crumbling That was you just a few weeks ago. Why would you risk sending yourself right back to this same place? Cut her out of your life... 2
Author Jord Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Yeah it was probably a bit much, card would've been fine i think. But it depends how long you were together and what kind of person she is (im assuming youre both single otherwise it's just a bit weird) so she might like it or she might roll her eyes abit that you clearly aren't over her. Either way it's not going to change her mind man and doing things like this is only going to hold you back. yeah, we're both single. she's the type of girl who is all about the little things. on valentines day, she gave me a box with every single movie ticket we ever watched together. i can't believe she saved all of them. i gave her the ticket to remind her of the good times we had. i know it may not bring her back to me, but i just wanted to show that i still care, and have no hard feelings.
reddragon588 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 i know it may not bring her back to me, but i just wanted to show that i still care, and have no hard feelings. Why does this matter? Stop caring... that's when you'll truly be free of this.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 well in the past, we were on the verge of breaking up, and i won her heart back by simply buying the DVD of the movie we first saw. it worked wonders and she came running back into my arms, saying how thoughtful it was, and everything. But you have broken up. So that is no longer valid. She's really going to regret burying the hatchet if you keep doing such transparent, needy things. She let bygones be bygones -- that's not an open invitation for you to start courting her, especially when she said that she doesn't see herself getting back together with you. 1
Author Jord Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 But you have broken up. So that is no longer valid. . during that time, she said she didn't love me anymore. that she's starting to hate me. so i was so hurt and trying to find a way to win her back. bought the dvd randomly, then we made up, and things went unbelievably well. this was worth a shot. who knows what will happen.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 during that time, she said she didn't love me anymore. that she's starting to hate me. so i was so hurt and trying to find a way to win her back. bought the dvd randomly, then we made up, and things went unbelievably well. this was worth a shot. who knows what will happen. Nothing will except more pain. 1
Author Jord Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Nothing will except more pain. maybe, i've hit rock bottom. ain't nothing gonna bring me down more.
aybc123 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 maybe, i've hit rock bottom. ain't nothing gonna bring me down more. you say that now but what happens when you keep pushing her and she gets a restraining order on your ass? I read your other threads and feel for you i really do, im actually going through something very similar with my ex deciding to ignore me out of the blue, we didn't even fall out, so it's a horrible feeling i know, and im sure there are others here who have been in a similar position, but you absolutely have to remain in control of yourself. you're on civil terms with her now, be happy with that and try to let it go. i say this as caringly as possible but frankly you're in no shape to be in a relationship with anyone atm and i think you know that, and you really need to work on making your life better without an SO in it to act as a bandaid to your problems. 3
Ireallydontknow Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 You should of got her a doormat with your face on it too. Come on bro! You know better! This wasn't about being "nice." 4
lop98 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 and things went unbelievably well. things went unbelievably UP and these "things" were your hopes, it's the only thing you have on right now, not her or even the possibility of getting her back. The fact that you still refer to you two as a team ("we're both sentimental like that") and made your intentions clear by saying you bought her way back before and she came 'running to your arms' speaks loudly of the hole you're digging for yourself through DENIAL. And no, you didn't hit rock bottom, you saw that there was a rock bottom and decided to delude yourself into thinking it is not happening at the expense of your dignity and at the expense of possible pity from her side, you know there's more pain to come if you cut her out and you don't want to face it, you'd rather reduce everything you have (which is yourself) just for someone who doesn't feel the way you do. We all deserve love, you deserve it too, you don't buy or fight for someone's love... it comes naturally, if it's not coming, it's not there, it's that simple. 2
reddragon588 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 maybe, i've hit rock bottom. ain't nothing gonna bring me down more. Why dig around looking to see if the hole goes deeper instead of working your way out of it? 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 OP, you say you have done this before and been successful with it. But in reality, have you been successful? I mean, this woman keeps breaking up with you, or at least keeps going to the edge of breaking up with you. So basically all you are doing is plugging leaks in the dam with chewed bubble gum instead of trying to rebuild it. Your quick acts of desperation might have a short-term positive effect, but it seems like it keeps wearing off. At a certain point (which has long since passed) it becomes pointless. If you are serious about being a better boyfriend and a better person, why not leave her alone and work on yourself? Why not play for a long-term solution instead of just trying to buy time with haphazard, ineffective impulsive ones? I mean, if you love her, set her free and let her live without you while you become a better you. Maybe she'll come back to you on her own if she does that and if she does, the odds of her actually staying instead of getting frustrated and resenting you like she always does increases tenfold. And you might discover that there is a better match for you in the process. Either way, it's obvious that you haven't learned a thing from your previous actions with this woman if you think these cheap, lame, transparent "gifts" are the way to go. Wouldn't you rather have someone who wants to be with you without being manipulated and bribed? 4
Author Jord Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 OP, you say you have done this before and been successful with it. But in reality, have you been successful? I mean, this woman keeps breaking up with you, or at least keeps going to the edge of breaking up with you. So basically all you are doing is plugging leaks in the dam with chewed bubble gum instead of trying to rebuild it. Your quick acts of desperation might have a short-term positive effect, but it seems like it keeps wearing off. At a certain point (which has long since passed) it becomes pointless. If you are serious about being a better boyfriend and a better person, why not leave her alone and work on yourself? Why not play for a long-term solution instead of just trying to buy time with haphazard, ineffective impulsive ones? I mean, if you love her, set her free and let her live without you while you become a better you. Maybe she'll come back to you on her own if she does that and if she does, the odds of her actually staying instead of getting frustrated and resenting you like she always does increases tenfold. And you might discover that there is a better match for you in the process. Either way, it's obvious that you haven't learned a thing from your previous actions with this woman if you think these cheap, lame, transparent "gifts" are the way to go. Wouldn't you rather have someone who wants to be with you without being manipulated and bribed? i told her when we talked, i'm working on being a better me. that i'm not trying to fix the relationship and focusing on myself. told her her i do want her back though, but she said her heart isn't in it right now. so i said "i'm letting you go then." i just it would be nice, to sent that. all i'm really expecting in return is a "thank you."
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 i told her when we talked, i'm working on being a better me. that i'm not trying to fix the relationship and focusing on myself. told her her i do want her back though, but she said her heart isn't in it right now. so i said "i'm letting you go then." i just it would be nice, to sent that. all i'm really expecting in return is a "thank you." So you lied to her. You said you were letting go, then you do the opposite of letting go. And you shouldn't tell anyone you are looking to be better -- you just do it. It comes off as another manipulative stunt when you tell them about it. 4
Author Jord Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 So you lied to her. You said you were letting go, then you do the opposite of letting go. And you shouldn't tell anyone you are looking to be better -- you just do it. It comes off as another manipulative stunt when you tell them about it. so is it true that if you let her go to get her back? i've heard this many times, if you completely move on, she will come back?? i really don't see how this is possible, it seems like the opposite, like out of site, out of mind.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 so is it true that if you let her go to get her back? i've heard this many times, if you completely move on, she will come back?? i really don't see how this is possible, it seems like the opposite, like out of site, out of mind. Well, the odds of them coming back in every situation is low, but yes, letting them go and letting them actually miss you is a much more effective play than staying in contact like you do. And the reason for this is simple -- THEY CAN'T MISS YOU IF YOU NEVER LEAVE. If you leave them alone and let things settle down and let them live without you, they might start remembering the good things about you and wonder about you. But if you keep doing the stupid crap you are doing now, you are just going to annoy the piss out of them and further drive them away. The best part of letting them go is that you might actually discover that you don't want them and that you can do better. But what you are doing right now is a self-imposed limbo -- not only are you repelling her by being a clingy, annoying douche, but you are also preventing yourself from seeing what else could be out there. 1
Author Jord Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Well, the odds of them coming back in every situation is low, but yes, letting them go and letting them actually miss you is a much more effective play than staying in contact like you do. And the reason for this is simple -- THEY CAN'T MISS YOU IF YOU NEVER LEAVE. If you leave them alone and let things settle down and let them live without you, they might start remembering the good things about you and wonder about you. But if you keep doing the stupid crap you are doing now, you are just going to annoy the piss out of them and further drive them away. The best part of letting them go is that you might actually discover that you don't want them and that you can do better. But what you are doing right now is a self-imposed limbo -- not only are you repelling her by being a clingy, annoying douche, but you are also preventing yourself from seeing what else could be out there. that's right, i really want to feel that, like i can do better. that maybe i will find someone better. but right now, i don't see myself being happy with anyone else, like i'm no good. i feel like after being dumped, its all my fault like i can't make a woman happy and i'm just gonna end up in another failed relationship.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 that's right, i really want to feel that, like i can do better. that maybe i will find someone better. but right now, i don't see myself being happy with anyone else, like i'm no good. i feel like after being dumped, its all my fault like i can't make a woman happy and i'm just gonna end up in another failed relationship. That's because you haven't accepted that it's over. You need to accept that this relationship is over and LET GO. If you refuse to leave your limbo, you'll never discover what you are capable of. You are an inmate in your own man-made prison. But since you made the prison, you have the key to the cell. You just have to develop the backbone to use it. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 that's right, i really want to feel that, like i can do better. that maybe i will find someone better. but right now, i don't see myself being happy with anyone else, like i'm no good. i feel like after being dumped, its all my fault like i can't make a woman happy and i'm just gonna end up in another failed relationship. After reading through this thread, this is the first thing you've posted that makes sense. And this is completely normal. Everyone's self esteem takes a major blow after being broken up with. Now, comes the part where you start picking yourself up from the floor. I won't repeat what everyone else has already posted, but the most important step at this point is to go complete, 100%, black-out NC. And start rebuilding yourself from the ground up. It takes time, so don't cave if you still feel like shyte in two weeks or two months. Take your lumps and become a stronger, wiser man. Good things will come of it. Have a little faith 1
Author Jord Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 so regarding the birthday card, what happens if she responds?
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