DRMMR02 Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 This is my first post. I have been stressing about this for almost 3 years now without any advice or idea what to do since it has to be kept a secret around here. This is practically a life story so bear with me. The bottom line is, I have been in love with a girl for almost 3 years. She has had a boyfriend for the same amount of time. 3 years ago, This girl I know, and I started becoming friends all of a sudden. I knew who she was from school before but I didnt really know her personally. But all of a sudden we started talking and then we ended up chatting online and such every day. About a month or so before this, she started dating this other guy. Now her and I became very good friends over the ensuing months. As this progressed we get very close and she told me that things between her and her byfriend were not the best and that she had a small crush on me as well. We didnt do anthing about this and this issue just lingered until the beginng of summer (of 02). Now up until last summer, I was involved in an activity that basically has me moving from state to state all summer long, from memorial day to mid august. Now about a week before I left somehow the topic of her liking me was brought up. Things built up and the day before I left we ended up driving around alone holding hands. We didnt say or do anything. But boy did we feel it. When I took her home we just stood there staring at each other and ended up hugging and said our good byes. Now its august. I am back home and I call her. We talk for a bit and the topic of what happened when I left arises. She tells me thats thing were close to going "my way" but since I was gone things got better with her boyfriend. We kinda left it at that for a while. Duiring the fall and winter of 02 we start talking online again, seeing as we already know everything about each other, we become best friends...again. We talked for hours and hours almost every night on the phone. I end up giveing her advice to help her with her bf, even though I am starting to think that my feelings are more than just a passing crush. I keep telling myself and her that I only want her to be happy, whoever it is with. So I make no attempt to make my true feelings apparent, or to affect her towards me. I leave again for the summer in 03, this time on slightly better terms. But the way things were going and how flirty we both were up until when I left makes me think that she might have still had feelings too. This was confirmed when I got back During the winter of 03, we picked up right where we left off, it was like the summer never happened. We both eneded up being in an activity that caused us to see a lot of each other during the week. I ended up giving her rides home every night. Our talk online became very forward and we spoke openly of our feelings and other things more risque. She said she liked me a lot and I was the sweetest person she has ever met. She said that once again her relationship was not going so well. But this time we both liked each other too. It seemed like we would finally have a real relationship. Our flirting and lust finally got the best of us and we ended up making out twice at her house. This happened last spring. Now the second time, it was but hours before I was supposed to go out of state for the weekend. In fact I ened up being late picking a fiend up because if what was happening. It got dangerously close to going past making out. She told me that being in my arms felt "perfect". When I got back however, she was very distant. I felt extremely hurt. I have been longing for this girl for years now, and she has always been just out of reach. Now I finally get going somewhere and it stops dead in its tracks. We ended up arguing about the past 2 1/2 years about about everything that has happend. I couldnt understad and still dont know what went wrong and I started doubting if everything she ever told me about her feelings were lies. I told her that I thought I was just a backup. Someone to go to when her real relationship wasnt goin well. I told her I felt used. But she triend telling me that she meant it all and didnt regret what happened. Just that now she wasnt sure where she wanted to go. She said that nothing else was going to happen. So we didnt talk all summer and fall. That brings us to this winter and right now. We are talking online again, though very platonic like. She has been with her real boyfriend for 3 years now and all I have is memories of a few hours at her house and a bunch of talk. But even after spending almost 6 months not seeing or talking to her at all, the whole tme I couldnt stop thinking about her. That is why I say it is love and not just "like". I find it impossible to get over her no matter what I try. She wants to stay friends but I dont see how I can. My question I guess is this. What should I make of all this? Should I hold out and hope she will break up with her long time boyfriend, or should I try to forget her alltogether? Im so lost. This whole deal has practically ruined me inside. I cant stand the though of losing her. She has been the most important thing to me for years now. Yet I also dont know how I am going to live being so close to something I dont think i can ever have.
Merin Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Ugh! Well I'm sorry for what you're going through.. You know honestly.. it does seem to me that she liked having you around when she wasn't feeling so great or when things in relationship were not going so well.. and really all you know of the problems in her relationship with her Boyfriend are one sided.. hers. After 3 years of this.. and her now telling you she wants nothing more than friendship.. I wouldn't continue to hold out hope that she will ever break things off with her Boyfriend.. again all the problems she told you about are her version of what happend.. and I'm inclined to believe that IF things were as bad between she and her guy it would have ended a long time ago, and she would be receptive to trying things with you. I know this hurts.. and you don't want to "loose her" but romantically speaking.. she wasn't really ever "yours" to begin with.. It isn't what people tell you sometimes that really makes any difference.. it is what they show you.
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