beyondcrushed Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) My bf ended our 8 month relationship 6 weeks ago. I was devestated. We had dated casually for a few weeks a year previous (soon after we first met) but it didn't work out. Then a year later we date seriously for the 8 months. I have had strong feelings for him since the first day I met him. I have been hung up on him since -- so roughy 2.5 years. Since break up, we have had 3 weeks NC until this last week. He rejected my reconciliation attempt. So now I am set back emotionally recovering from him. He has a strong hold on me, or rather, I am hung up on him. I tried to move on and went out on dates two different times with two different men. I kissed one of the dates. But with both men, thoughts of my exbf came into my head and I began to miss him. I couldn't enjoy my dates and had to end them. Will I ever be over my ex? Will I ever enjoy another man without thinking of my ex? How do I get over my ex, once and for all? Will I ever love and be loved again? Edited October 30, 2013 by beyondcrushed inaccurate subject header, typo 1
Mariposa10 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Yes, yes to all of all your questions. My sister used to say "even if we get divorced one day I will never love or be with another man" (when talking about her husband with whom she was with for over a decade). Well, he cheated on her, she felt like wanting to die, etc. As time went by, she met another guy, they are engaged now. SHE'S MADLY IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY. She doesn't feel hate or love for her ex husband, she wishes him the best. So yes, just let time do its thing. Don't be too hard on yourself. 9
Author beyondcrushed Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Sometimes it's hard to believe that I will. I look forward to the day when I am past all this and in love again. You've given me some hope. Thank you:) 2
Stryker101 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 This is the hardest thing to realize and believe until it actually happens. 2
Mariposa10 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Sometimes it's hard to believe that I will. I look forward to the day when I am past all this and in love again. You've given me some hope. Thank you:) It's ok, it takes time. I was with her when all of this happened and it gives me hope but every day I have to remind myself that there's hope of course there's hope. 1
Reels Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 It's magical(probably), not fixed, it may happen anytime.
Author beyondcrushed Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 I know. I just wish it were fixed, and I could fast forward to that moment. I can't even go on a date, or kiss another man without thinking of my ex, and having to end the date cause I miss him so much. I even started crying in front of one. Brutal. I just want to get past this as quickly as possible. 1
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 8, 2013 Author Posted November 8, 2013 Soooo, I'm now much better. I went out on a couple dates this week. I hit it off with one. We connected and I let him kiss me good bye. Not once did my ex enter my mind. I was able to enjoy the date...and the kiss and not feel bad. I am looking forward to possibly more dates with this guy. Yay!!!!! There are other worthwhile, even better, men out there that I could be attracted to and potentially have a relationship with. So happy:) 1
Mariposa10 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Soooo, I'm now much better. I went out on a couple dates this week. I hit it off with one. We connected and I let him kiss me good bye. Not once did my ex enter my mind. I was able to enjoy the date...and the kiss and not feel bad. I am looking forward to possibly more dates with this guy. Yay!!!!! There are other worthwhile, even better, men out there that I could be attracted to and potentially have a relationship with. So happy:) Glad to hear you're doing better
Blastoplast Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 yes, Yes, and YES!!! I have high hopes for a girl I've been dating, and she seems like an upgrade in just about every way over my EX. I know it's still the honeymoon period when you don't find any faults in the person you're dating, but things are going well and I NEVER thought I would find a girl as good as my EX a year ago.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 That is soooo awesome! It gives me hope.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 I went out on a date last night, the second time with this man. At the start of the date I felt an attraction towards him but by the end I felt nothing. And decided he isn't what I'm looking for. This has left me discouraged and disappointed. And left me thinking of and missing my exboyfriend. I cried after the date and this morning over my ex. What I had with my ex, mutual love/care/attraction/chemistry (at the beginning) was very special. I never experienced that before in my life and I am sooo afraid I will never again. But I don't want to settle. I want to have that again, so badly. So I know love is possible again, but is attraction/sexual chemistry possible? 1
me85 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 Beyondcrushed, I'm right where you are now just not dating yet. Can't. Not ready. My heart goes out to you girl. It's so so hard. Believe me, I can relate but just remember...your ex is NOT the last guy you are ever going to love.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 Thank you. It is excrutiatingly painful.
Mario79 Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 I know where you are at. I am glad to hear everyone says yes it will pass. Its horrible that every time you see someone you are trying to find someone else. I went out on a blind date, which was the worst idea, thinking why not, since its either go out or go home and think of her, and she was not someone I found attractive physically or emotionally, I felt horrible, I had to stop the date and excuse myself telling her of my recent break up, just made me so upset and think of my ex more and wonder why did I let this happen. I hope it gets better for you for us, for everyone.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 15, 2013 Author Posted November 15, 2013 Nice to know others can relate to my heartache and misery. I hope you all feel better soon. I'd love to keep in touch with both of you to see how you are doing. It is so terrible that we have to go through this. I had such a good streak then after this date I plummeted. I reached out to my ex hoping for some kind of friendship. I think that if I have that, that one day he'll want to be with me. But I know that hardly works. When I contacted him he seemed nice in person. But afterward, when I texted him about being friends and hanging out sometime, he completely ignored it. BRUTAL! I am just a mess. I can't even talk to my friends about it. They are so sick of hearing about it and one friend is so harsh with me. This is just terrible. I can't wait to be through this. I think sometimes that no one will measure up to my ex. And I will be pining for him forever. I never felt like this before in my entire life! Never.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 I work with my ex-bf. Ugh. I am the go between for our senior executives and staff (he is staff). I often have to ask him to get me information to give to the execs. I can use email to request the information from him but sometimes I need to chat with him about it or followup in person to make sure he got the email (cause he's lazy). I guess I'll just keep it professional and not initiate any personal conversations. But we sometimes have work meetings with other staff. He sits down the hall. I can hear him when he talks to colleagues. I sometimes run into him at the kitchen or social functions in the office. Or we walk past each other occasionally in the hall. So do I ignore him in these cases? Avoid running into him as much as possible? What if he initiates contact i.e. says "hi", asks how I am, suggests coffee as friends? Do I be polite and respond but decline coffee?
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 You could try looking for another job. Barring that you limit your interactions to work only. You don't about anything not work related, not even the weather. You tell him to stop asking you out for coffee. If he doesn't point out to him that in a work environment, his behavior is bordering on the edge of sexual harrassment. That ought to make him back off.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 I think getting another job elsewhere is the best solution. It also guards against my weakness to reach out to him, since he dumped me. Thank you.
Thierro Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 I posted the same question a couple of years ago. I'm currently in a relationship of 16 months. I can't imagine what I felt for my ex. It's weird. But they become a faded memory. There's a chance that you will take some scars with you that need work, but you'll learn to let the person go.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 I posted the same question a couple of years ago. I'm currently in a relationship of 16 months. I can't imagine what I felt for my ex. It's weird. But they become a faded memory. There's a chance that you will take some scars with you that need work, but you'll learn to let the person go. Oh my goodness, thanks so much Thierro for coming across my thread and replying! Its another hard day for me again today. Its so nice to know that its possible to get over him. Right now I can't even imagine anyone else measuring up or being better than him. I can't imagine not thinking about him enough to be able to fully love someone else. I know I will have some scars/baggage from this going into another relationship. I feel like he was the greatest love of life. Perfect for me in so many ways. How long were you broken up with your ex before starting your current 16mos relationship? Did you bring any of the scars from your previous relationship into this one? And do you think you feel the same or more for your current partner?
Thierro Posted November 18, 2013 Posted November 18, 2013 Oh my goodness, thanks so much Thierro for coming across my thread and replying! Its another hard day for me again today. Its so nice to know that its possible to get over him. Right now I can't even imagine anyone else measuring up or being better than him. I can't imagine not thinking about him enough to be able to fully love someone else. I know I will have some scars/baggage from this going into another relationship. I feel like he was the greatest love of life. Perfect for me in so many ways. How long were you broken up with your ex before starting your current 16mos relationship? Did you bring any of the scars from your previous relationship into this one? And do you think you feel the same or more for your current partner? It took me two years to get over her. When I met my current girlfriend I was still kind of bitter. But the more I got to know her, the more I trusted her and believed in her, the more I let everything go. I really believed that my ex was the person I would spend my life with. No one could measure up to her. She was my first love. I have always believed in 'true love'; the one that is actually meant to be. I did bring a couple of scars with me. Sometimes I'm still afraid that she will leave me as well. Sometimes I have trust issues and that's not fair to her. I feel how much she cares about me. It may or may not change in time like it did with my ex. But now I know that I will get over it when it does happen. You meet a lot of people in life. Sometimes it’s hard to see people go when you don’t want them to go. But you need to hold on to the good times, the fun moments you shared together. I believe that my current girlfriend is wonderful. I'm more in love with her than I was with my ex. But like I said, it's very hard for me to imagine what I felt for her. She feels like a stranger to me, a dream I once had. If I think about love, those wonderful feelings that come with it, all I can think of is my girlfriend. If I think about a kiss, I feel her lips. If I think about a hug, I feel and smell her. I probably have felt this way about my ex as well, but I can’t remember. This feels different and better, but in a way it’s probably exactly the same. She means everything to me. Like you said, it’s almost impossible to imagine what it’s like. But you’ll have to experience it yourself. I believe that you can and will love someone else when the time is right. It just happens. But the next guy isn’t important right now. You are. Don’t date for a while. Focus on yourself and what you need. Give yourself time to heal. It can be a tough ride. Go buy something you always wanted to buy. Don’t drink or overeat. I can tell you are awesome, so be awesome.
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