theothersully Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I have a girl I met online in a very focused singles site. Is focused by interest, so we are highly compatible. She is almost what I'm looking for, which is making me wonder if I should proceed. Apart from the online girl, I have my incredibly beautiful, younger girl in Miami, who is also compatible, but I have to work for her. She's tough. There are 3 guys trying for her attention. I'm the oldest one, but she does like us older guys, so I'm in the running. I'm not exclusive with her, but she gives me those little heart flutters like you get in 8th grade. At times, I am disappointed in her because she doesn't hold to the ideals we share in common all too well and acts too "mainstream" for me. Like kind of a sell out. Yet... she's a f'n badass. She is a rebel. I'm kinda the same. We click in a Bonnie and Clyde way. To me, that's super hot. Then there is the girl I met online. Whole/Vegan foods private chef, lifestyle and nutrition coach from Paris, living in Manhattan. Not at all a sell out... very true to herself and to the interests from the dating site. Adventurous and not only pretending to be adventurous, like the Miami girl seems to be while just living in Miami year after year. The Paris girl is really out there doing things. I'm a dual EU/US citizen. The Paris girl is basically a dream person in all ways (being European gives her an edge in my book as well) -BUT..... She is my age (a bit old for me) and has an obvious eating disorder. She is tiny, which I like, but too skinny. She isn't eating and does not look well. Because of this, I am not finding her attractive, though as a person, she's incredible. At the same time, my younger Miami girl is probably in that top 5% of attractiveness on the entire planet, going by my own tastes. She sets my soul on fire. So these are the main dating choices. Thoughts? Cuz I'm lost!
beyondcrushed Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Date both of them. What do you have to lose. Nothing. You aren't exclusive to anyone. You need to get to know them better to really determine which one suits you more. Once you go out with both a few times, you may not click or like either. But by meeting up with them you will likely immediately know who you have a better connection and attraction to. Hope this helps.
Author theothersully Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) Date both of them. What do you have to lose. Nothing. You aren't exclusive to anyone. You need to get to know them better to really determine which one suits you more. Once you go out with both a few times, you may not click or like either. But by meeting up with them you will likely immediately know who you have a better connection and attraction to. Hope this helps. I actually have a lot of trouble doing that. The Miami girl I have been dating on and off for most of this year. The Paris/NY one, I haven't met yet, because she's stuck in Paris for a few more weeks...had to go home a while for visa purposes. But I seem to have a hard time "dating." I really immerse myself in prospective women and open my mind up 100% to get a feel for them. This exhausts me to do with more than one woman. In all my life, I have hooked up with various women, but not been able to date multiples at one time, with a connection. I tend to focus in on one and end up getting her. I think I could get either of these ones (Paris is super easy), but I'm not sure which would be better to focus on. Worse... In not sure which of these two types I even want.... Edited October 30, 2013 by theothersully
Assasda Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Thoughts on what man? On how shallow you are? hahahaha Its not like, youre actually with any of these girls. Get with one of them, then ask for thoughts. 1
beyondcrushed Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I understand. In that case, I would certainly say go for the one you are attracted to. I married someone I wasn't attracted to physically, but emotionally/mentally, I was. He was an incredible person, heart of gold. But no chemistry or attraction. This was our downfall in the end. We split after 13 years. So, I say, go for attraction inside and out. Don't settle. I suggest you continue with Miami; try to meet Paris at least once sooner than later; then make a decision.
Author theothersully Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 I understand. In that case, I would certainly say go for the one you are attracted to. I married someone I wasn't attracted to physically, but emotionally/mentally, I was. He was an incredible person, heart of gold. But no chemistry or attraction. This was our downfall in the end. We split after 13 years. So, I say, go for attraction inside and out. Don't settle. I suggest you continue with Miami; try to meet Paris at least once sooner than later; then make a decision. Thank you. I am in a stage where I am wondering which is more important... the physical chemistry or the intellectual connection. This point of view confirms what my gut was saying, but you often hear people say the opposite... that you need the mental connection more. Thanks.
Author theothersully Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) Thoughts on what man? On how shallow you are? hahahaha Its not like, youre actually with any of these girls. Get with one of them, then ask for thoughts. Rather than feed the troll, Ill ask a question or two that maybe you can answer... How is my post even close to shallow? I asked a question that was the exact opposite of shallow, wondering if the mental was more important than the physical. And... how am I not "with" the Miami girl I've been dating on and off for the better part of the year? Do you mean I have to get married again or into some serious relationship to ask questions in the "dating" section of this site? Or are the first 3 letters of your screen name preceeding you again? Basically, I feel bad if I lead Paris on while evaluating her, because she's flipped for me online through lengthy email exchanges. She wants me to stay with her for a week in Manhattan and is dropping hardcore hints about getting together on a more permanent basis. Edited October 30, 2013 by theothersully
Outsider77 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I'm a woman so I'm sure my opinion is probably quite different from most guys, but... I would probably never seriously date a really attractive, top 5% guy. Not that I think I actually could get someone that attractive to date me. However, if I could, I wouldn't want to have to deal with the crap that goes along with dating someone really attractive. People who are that attractive know that they are hot. Too much ego that goes along with it. At least that's been my experience from dating good-looking guys in the past. Much rather date a guy who's more average looking but has a better personality. Plus you wouldn't have to worry about competing with so many other guys. Also it sounds like the younger girl maybe has less of the personality traits that you like.
Author theothersully Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 I'm a woman so I'm sure my opinion is probably quite different from most guys, but... I would probably never seriously date a really attractive, top 5% guy. Not that I think I actually could get someone that attractive to date me. However, if I could, I wouldn't want to have to deal with the crap that goes along with dating someone really attractive. People who are that attractive know that they are hot. Too much ego that goes along with it. At least that's been my experience from dating good-looking guys in the past. Much rather date a guy who's more average looking but has a better personality. Plus you wouldn't have to worry about competing with so many other guys. Also it sounds like the younger girl maybe has less of the personality traits that you like. Thank you. I hadn't really considered the ego thing. These responses are really thought provoking. Please keep them coming!
Delilah1623 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Find someone you are emotionally AND physically attracted to. And if you've been dating Miami for almost a year and she's also dating two other guys my guess is getting exclusive with her is probably not your decision at all. By now if she wanted to be with just you she'd be with just you. She's holding out for someone else. 1
HeyKat Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 You haven't met Ms Paris in person right? So she may not be as "angular" face to face? And you are seeing Ms Miami this week? - so just see how that goes.. to pull a little psy 101, is Ms Miami "setting your soul on fire" because she is hard to get, where Ms Paris is "super easy" Not judging or saying that's a bad thing, just observation. From an outsiders perspective from the limited data - Ms Miami - short term, she is still playing and enjoying the attention. Ms Paris - most in common for long term but needs to chub up I'll go for the week to Manhattan if you don't, I'll even bring dessert and fatten her right up! Good luck, you will have fun either way.
Author theothersully Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Find someone you are emotionally AND physically attracted to. And if you've been dating Miami for almost a year and she's also dating two other guys my guess is getting exclusive with her is probably not your decision at all. By now if she wanted to be with just you she'd be with just you. She's holding out for someone else. This is true, but I had to leave... for work... for the entire summer. So, just add things were going in that direction, I left Miami to go to Manhattan for the spring/summer. I tried to get her to come, but she has her life in Miami. School, friends, etc... She didn't want to leave that, plus we both had some hard work to do. She had a full load of classes and a lie paying job, I had some money to make in Manhattan. Neither of us had free time. When I got back to FL, I went to Miami to visit her and again. It was like I had to start all over from the beginning. Our passionate fire from the spring was c just a few little burning embers. I still want her, but I kind of broke things leaving for work. While i was fine, she realized she intends to be with a younger guy, but... when I'm around, she struggles between me and her choice for a younger guy and me. So..., she/we are just dating now to see where it goes. If I invest fully in her, I can get her. It's not easy, but I could. Our circumstance is not one of normal people living in one place. I am all over the place traveling (her dream is to do the same), so we could not progress the same as if i was in the neighborhood with her. But as of this moment, yes.... she is not going exclusive. I got back and it was " no relationship, just a fling", then " let's just be friends", then "ok, let's date again." Which could turn into more if I put in 100%. I have her confused between her logical choice and the fact that she likes me emotionally. Going to spend the weekend with her this weekend. Then we have Paris. Purely online. Have seen plenty of pictures. A good looking, petite French woman who starved herself to the point of looking like a skeleton. Miami is 5'2" and 100lbs of pure yoga developed muscle and curves... whew!!!! getting a little excited just writing that... ha ha ha So I really like this kind of girl. Petite, thin and muscular. Someone who takes care of themselves as I also do. Paris is 5'0" and i don't know her weight, but she is like a skeleton and am having trouble with this. No muscles, nothing. Just bone and she complains about this as well. She used to be anorexic, and claims to be over it, but clearly she is not eating enough calories or exercising enough, which hurts my attraction to her. If she was in shape and healthy, she is marriage material, despite being a bit older than my preference. A wonderful person who isd so true to herself, so positive and so uplifting. Smart, etc... Miami lacks a little in personality... So the trouble might be more inside of me.... Even for serious dating, I don't know if i should go for mind over body here. For intellectual satisfaction over those butterflies. Or.... just throw them both back and keep looking. I am getting older every day. I'm sure my ability to catch younger one is diminishing on a daily basis... But, I really can't seem to "date" like most of you. I'm either hooking up sexually without investing, or I'm like a love seeking missile, just focused in on one girl. Dating is not enjoyable for me because once I like a girl, I see no others. Ugh....
Delilah1623 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 "....true, but..." Nope. Just true. No one would throw away a relationship with a person they really wanted to be with because they were gone for a few months. And Miami is more concerned with how old you are than who you are? That's the way you want to be looked at? Sounds like you're not really into wire girl odor the long term. Keep looking. Do you want to waste time with someone who "lacks in the personality department" or someone you are "not finding attractive" when the are hundreds of other women out there? Also I wouldn't put too much stock into Paris until you have met in person. Out of the country, grand successful career, was supposed to meet but some big catastrophe happened? Not sure if you have ever seen the show Catfish but I would proceed with caution until you know this woman isn't a 56 year old man living in his moms basement.
Delilah1623 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 "....true, but..." Nope. Just true. No one would throw away a relationship with a person they really wanted to be with because they were gone for a few months. And Miami is more concerned with how old you are than who you are? That's the way you want to be looked at? Sounds like you're not really into either girl for the long term. Keep looking. Do you want to waste time with someone who "lacks in the personality department" or someone you are "not finding attractive" when the are hundreds of other women out there? Also I wouldn't put too much stock into Paris until you have met in person. Out of the country, grand successful career, was supposed to meet but some big catastrophe happened? Not sure if you have ever seen the show Catfish but I would proceed with caution until you know this woman isn't a 56 year old man living in his moms basement.
myothernic2 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I have a girl I met online in a very focused singles site. Is focused by interest, so we are highly compatible. She is almost what I'm looking for, which is making me wonder if I should proceed. Apart from the online girl, I have my incredibly beautiful, younger girl in Miami, who is also compatible, but I have to work for her. She's tough. There are 3 guys trying for her attention. I'm the oldest one, but she does like us older guys, so I'm in the running. I'm not exclusive with her, but she gives me those little heart flutters like you get in 8th grade. At times, I am disappointed in her because she doesn't hold to the ideals we share in common all too well and acts too "mainstream" for me. Like kind of a sell out. Yet... she's a f'n badass. She is a rebel. I'm kinda the same. We click in a Bonnie and Clyde way. To me, that's super hot. Then there is the girl I met online. Whole/Vegan foods private chef, lifestyle and nutrition coach from Paris, living in Manhattan. Not at all a sell out... very true to herself and to the interests from the dating site. Adventurous and not only pretending to be adventurous, like the Miami girl seems to be while just living in Miami year after year. The Paris girl is really out there doing things. I'm a dual EU/US citizen. The Paris girl is basically a dream person in all ways (being European gives her an edge in my book as well) -BUT..... She is my age (a bit old for me) and has an obvious eating disorder. She is tiny, which I like, but too skinny. She isn't eating and does not look well. Because of this, I am not finding her attractive, though as a person, she's incredible. At the same time, my younger Miami girl is probably in that top 5% of attractiveness on the entire planet, going by my own tastes. She sets my soul on fire. So these are the main dating choices. Thoughts? Cuz I'm lost! The Miami girl is probably saying something similar about you. 1
Author theothersully Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 "....true, but..." Nope. Just true. No one would throw away a relationship with a person they really wanted to be with because they were gone for a few months. And Miami is more concerned with how old you are than who you are? That's the way you want to be looked at? Sounds like you're not really into either girl for the long term. Keep looking. Do you want to waste time with someone who "lacks in the personality department" or someone you are "not finding attractive" when the are hundreds of other women out there? Also I wouldn't put too much stock into Paris until you have met in person. Out of the country, grand successful career, was supposed to meet but some big catastrophe happened? Not sure if you have ever seen the show Catfish but I would proceed with caution until you know this woman isn't a 56 year old man living in his moms basement. Ok... thanks for this advice as well. To the second paragraph, the woman is a famous private chef. You can find news stories about her and her business website and there are pics of her teaching wellness classes around the internet. No, she was out of the country when we did meet online. She wants me to go up for a week when she returns to Manhattan Nov 11th. Hardly fake. And no... sorry.... I don't own a TV. 1
Author theothersully Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 The Miami girl is probably saying something similar about you. Yes, I believe I mentioned this??? That she was trying to go for a younger guy this time, but is confused by me? I'm sorry, but these posts are terrible. Do you people even read the OP posts, or do you just take some sentence that catches your eye and insert your butt hurt emotional problems into my situation? Only a couple morsels of advice.... plenty of hate. What's wrong with this place? I'm not an OM or doing anything to hurt anyone, I share my feelings, hope for responses to help, and get attacks. wtf?
Delilah1623 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Famous chef needs to go online to find love 2,000 miles away? I have no doubt the woman exists. I am just suggesting that you not put too much into it until you have confirmed with your own eyes the person you are talking to is really this person. There are many, many people that are involved in online relationships with people for months and even years that then find out the person is using another persons pictures and life and it was all a lie. I hope you do not think I was attacking you. I am telling you the truth as I see it and apologize if it came out harsh.
MidwestUSA Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I'm trying to reconcile the chef/nutrition coach who is skin and bones and possibly still anorexic! Um, no advice for you particularly, this just stood out at me. If you need to lose weight, she may be a good choice! In all seriousness, good luck to you. Dating in today's world is tough. Online, long distance, catfish, I couldn't do it. Done, fini. I'm choosing sanity.
myothernic2 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Yes, I believe I mentioned this??? That she was trying to go for a younger guy this time, but is confused by me? I'm sorry, but these posts are terrible. Do you people even read the OP posts, or do you just take some sentence that catches your eye and insert your butt hurt emotional problems into my situation? Only a couple morsels of advice.... plenty of hate. What's wrong with this place? I'm not an OM or doing anything to hurt anyone, I share my feelings, hope for responses to help, and get attacks. wtf? The truth is an attack? If you can't see that you should move on from the Miami girl because of that strong possibility of what she's likely thinking, maybe the "butt hurt emotional problems" is you projecting. Good luck.
Outsider77 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 You know, it sounds to me like you shouldn't be dating either of them. The one is hot and fun to be around, but doesn't really have an interesting personality and is interested in some other guys. The other one is interesting but possibly has an eating disorder. If it were me, I wouldn't date either one.
Outsider77 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Yes, I believe I mentioned this??? That she was trying to go for a younger guy this time, but is confused by me? I'm sorry, but these posts are terrible. Do you people even read the OP posts, or do you just take some sentence that catches your eye and insert your butt hurt emotional problems into my situation? Only a couple morsels of advice.... plenty of hate. What's wrong with this place? I'm not an OM or doing anything to hurt anyone, I share my feelings, hope for responses to help, and get attacks. wtf? People are not going to like the fact that you date younger women so you are going to get a lot of angry responses. And then a lot of responses that are positive but from men who always think you should go for the piece of ass. Neither type is likely to be good advice.
Author theothersully Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Haven't seen this thread in a long time. Decided I wasn't into the private chef. In person, she didn't have the spark.
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