ilovedemhotrides Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 So my girlfriend or X girlfriend of 6 plus years told me to move out 5 months ago. We have been pretty much best friends since that time, and don't fight anymore. She says she doesn't want to keep hurting me, and does not want a relationship now or anytime soon. This is my question to you. What is a relationship!!! To me a relationship is when two people care for each other. When they do fun things together, and have fun. When they can talk, but not 24/7. Can hang out with friends, but not put yourself in bad situations (aka getting very drunk in public). Now we do all of the above things, pretty much sums up our situation. We are like best friends, our fights have stopped completely. We just don't have anything to argue about. We both have never done anything with another person, and aren't really looking to either. She is repulsed by other people, and has no interest in pursuing anyone else or experimenting. Now most people would call this a relationship. The ONLY thing we don't really do is anything physical. She has made it clear she does not want to do anything, and doesn't feel connected to me in that way right now. So what? I feel like our "non relationship" is more of a relationship than 80 percent of people out there claiming to have one. Aside from being physical and getting intimate we do everything. We have a great time, and I am still in love with her. So I have read a lot of posts about what to do to get your X back. The thing is, we are doing pretty good, we hang out, talk, etc... And we get a long great. She said she does see a future with me, and we have even talked about it since the official break up. I get not wanting to deal with the stress of a relationship while finishing up college ( junior/senior). She does want to have kids, and she knows I am the perfect match for her. She just has never been really attracted to anyone except for me, and now she just doesn't feel emotionally connected to me. I already know how to combat this by starting to lose interest in her. Those who care the least have the most power. I have been doing a lot for her over the past 5 months of the big break up, and she has noticed it. I think weather she wants to admit it or not, when someone is readily available to you, you just don't like them as much, and that's a fact. I know i was that way, but as soon as I started to see the fear of losing her, I tried all I could and started to care a lot more. Anyways, I just wanted to see if anyone out there is in a similar boat? They remain good friends, almost everything is the same as when they are dating. The only difference is that they are not "official", don't do physical stuff, and don't fight nearly as much.
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Doesn't sound like you really have a realistic understanding what a relationship is....for one, emotionally she's not even invested, it sounds like you're doing the typical thing of sizing each other up like relationships are just about compatibility as friends more than lovers...and like everything seems like a good match on "paper". Second the girl is lying, if she's that resistant and against being attracted or interested in other people it is not just about you....you are not the exception to the rule, she's just got some issues with people, with trust, with being open about her emotions that keeps her withdrawn...the whole "I'm not interested in other people" defense is going to blow up in your face when she magically finds someone else she is interested....look at all the people that say they're picky and selective in the dating world, they're a dime-a-dozen...and yet they still find someone, who'd have thought! It's also easy not to fight with someone you're not emotionally wrapped up into, being disconnected or not invested will just mean that you're a bit indifferent and careless...meaning that either way you're not really swayed or affected by their behavior because at the end of the day you simply don't care as much as you pretend to...or want to. Dating is just essentially getting to know someone (penis in vagina basically) since you're in the honeymoon phase it's not like you're using much common sense anyway, it becomes easier as you become older/wiser/experienced but it's still all about the butterflies. Relationships are more about compatibility and commitment, more emotionally invested and doing things as a couple...but in today world it can just be a tiny step above dating...more like a temporary exclusivity. Long-term is more about values, communication and investment on all levels...it takes work to shift together like pieces of a puzzle and ALL pieces have to fit...although you see everyone out there forcing the parts that don't fit right just to try and make the parts match when they don't. You clearly don't know anything about what a "perfect match" is, if you actually think that this kind of relationship would be a fulfilling and satisfying one you are quite the delusional...your relationship appears more of a friendship, than a romantic one by far. You're talking about kids and the future and you've got these big problems that you think take small solutions to fix...like playing these games to bring her interested back in and pique her curiosity when she already knows what it's like to be with you and have a relationship with you. You invested a big part of your life into this however, it's going to take you some time to get over it...it's going to be hard to accept, but I think you're really just perpetuating the issues within yourself by trying to reel her back in....women just don't leave you like that if they're that into you...but I think once you experience a relationship with an emotionally available woman you're going to be blown away and probably even want to throw a ring on her finger right away...because this relationship sounds like the kind with a big void and you've been in it so long you don't even know any better/different. But until then do what you like....IMO you need to be with other women, you're wasting your time...your best bet is she's just desperate and invested enough that she just comes crawling back due to your never-ending persistence...so if that's what you call "love", knock yourself out.
colombiana28 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 i dumped my ex about 1.5 years ago. we've now lived together for nearly a year. we get along fantastically, have identical senses of humor and interests, and help each other out. however, i in no way, shape or form want to ever be in a relationship with him again. that part of my life is simply over. i didn't feel fulfilled in the way i wanted during the relationship, there were power struggles and sexual incompatibility, and although i think he's super attractive in general, i'm just not attracted to him anymore. i would never have sex with him. i think the bottom line is...the reason we get along so great now is precisely BECAUSE we're not together anymore. sex/feelings/commitment/expectations complicate things, and i enjoy our pressure-less friendship. i hate to say it but i don't think your ex wants to get back together, now or ever. unless you truly move on for good.
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