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Do you ever stop thinking about them?


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Posted

The last time I saw him was right before Halloween three years ago. Then he left me for good. The pain has definitely gotten easier over the years. It's just that there isn't a day that goes by that a thought of him doesn't pop into my mind. I even had a dream about him the other night.

 

The girl he met after me or while he was with me....or perhaps he knew her before he met me...I'll never know. She was the girl he ended up marrying. They now have an adorable little boy together. I made the mistake of peeking at his facebook awhile back and he had pictures of his little boy posted. I could not get over how much he looks like my ex. Those eyes...the same big blue eyes my ex has.

 

I sometimes still wonder how things unfolded. Wondering how and when he met the woman who is now his wife. Wondering when he fell out of love with me or if he ever did love me. Questions I'll never have the answers to, but probably better that I don't. The answers would probably only cause more pain. I even sometimes wish that we could have at least stayed friends because I do truly miss our friendship, but I know that it would probably be too painful to remain his friend all the while watching his new relationship and family blossom.

 

It's funny how I've had no contact with him for three years and yet he still enters into my mind. I sometimes wonder if I ever cross his mind. If he still has the gifts that I gave him or if he threw them away. I am happy though that he is happy.

 

I haven't had a relationship since ours ended. I've dated here and there of course, but I just haven't felt that spark since. I just wonder if and when I'll finally stop thinking about him? Does the memories last forever? Or just until you meet someone to make new memories with?

 

Do you guys still think of the one you lost and how long has it been?

Posted

Last time I saw my ex was September 21th, 2013, little over a month. It feels like a year to me. I still think about him every day.

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Posted
Last time I saw my ex was September 21th, 2013, little over a month. It feels like a year to me. I still think about him every day.

 

 

Yes, that's the thing about it. Time always seems longer without them. A day feels like a week, a week feels like a month, a month a year and so on and so on. You ever try to remember how life was before you met them? It seems like such a blur to me. Funny how that is knowing that I had a full and happy life before I knew him.

Posted
Yes, that's the thing about it. Time always seems longer without them. A day feels like a week, a week feels like a month, a month a year and so on and so on. You ever try to remember how life was before you met them? It seems like such a blur to me. Funny how that is knowing that I had a full and happy life before I knew him.

 

So true! Sometimes it feels like he was never there and it was all just a dream.

Posted (edited)

When I first experienced heartbreak I spent 3 years thinking about my ex, everyday... he was always present, I'd snoop on his girlfriend's myspace because they lived together and posted pictures of him every other day. Then a combination of things suddenly distracted me (work overload, a weird relationship I got into, family) and even though we got back in touch eventually, he completely abandoned my mind. It's been now 9 years since then and I have completely stopped thinking about him. He was my first love, someone that I loved deeply and thought I would never get fully over.

 

After I got over him, I had spent enough years thinking about what happened to the point I shut down myself emotionally, it's like by idealizing him I built a strong fortress in my head to prevent anyone from getting in... I spent the next 5 years fooling around, afraid of commitment, the memory of the heartbreak was so distant that I didn't remember much what happened, just that it hurt a lot and for a long time and I would never subject myself to the possibility of heartbreak again. I did everything I could to avoid another relationship.

 

It took someone really aggressive to open up my heart again... and he proceeded to rip it apart. He's the reason I found LS. When the breakup happened, I was so sure it would take easily 3 years to get over it and that he would be in my mind everyday, just like the first time. The forecast didn't look promising but I knew that's what would happen... and then someone asked me out. I had nothing to lose... I didn't want to go back to what I did before (staying away from developing feelings for other men even if I felt attracted to them) and this was a wonderful guy, the more I got to know him, the more I understood how necessary it was to get my heart broken again in order to feel ready to love again. He's now my boyfriend, and he does and says things that leave me spinning for days and nothing around exists when we're together... it sounds cheesy I know, but 10 months after the breakup, I found myself being able to NOT think about someone that isn't even worth a minute of my time and that is out of my life for a reason (it's up to us to figure what that reason may be!).

 

So... I've tried both methods (healing on your own and partially healing while still giving myself an opportunity to enjoy others' company) and nothing has worked like the latter. I have memories with my boyfriend now that I wouldn't trade for too many minutes thinking about whether that other guy loved me or not (he did but cowardly, just like he acted the 7 years I knew him)... I absolutely do not care about whether he's happy or not, at one point it kept me up all night but not anymore. I found better and can stop idealizing our time together, because my last memory of a companion and real love I still have it, and it's beautiful and far better than anything I ever received from my ex.

Edited by lop98
  • Like 3
Posted

You never completely stop thinking about an ex you cared for deeply and who played a significant part in your life. That's just the harsh truth. They will pop up in your mind from time to time.

 

But eventually they don't dominate your mind as much as they would days after a breakup. The thought of them doesn't cause a feeling of loneliness. The thought of them being intimate and affectionate with someone else won't send you into a spiral of emotions. The thought of them will merely be that...a thought.

 

But this notion that you COMPLETELY forget this person just isn't true. But you will reach a point in your life where that person doesn't cause other factors which make you want to forget them. Just don't put effort in TRYING to forget them..that comes from self reflection, self improvement, acceptance, and eventually someone new.

Posted
You never completely stop thinking about an ex you cared for deeply and who played a significant part in your life. That's just the harsh truth. They will pop up in your mind from time to time.

 

But eventually they don't dominate your mind as much as they would days after a breakup. The thought of them doesn't cause a feeling of loneliness. The thought of them being intimate and affectionate with someone else won't send you into a spiral of emotions. The thought of them will merely be that...a thought.

 

But this notion that you COMPLETELY forget this person just isn't true. But you will reach a point in your life where that person doesn't cause other factors which make you want to forget them. Just don't put effort in TRYING to forget them..that comes from self reflection, self improvement, acceptance, and eventually someone new.

 

I've found the only thing that has truly erased memories of past loves in your life, is meeting and being in a relationship with not only someone new, but someone who is a better person. At that point, and only at that point can you feel it, and know in your heart that everything you have endured in your life, every heartbreak and horrible experience was worth it because you were now with someone who was worthy of your love. And then... they go and break your heart too.

 

Time will dull ones memories of an ex. But unless you find someone better, you will either always compare, or will just miss them to the point you can't even fathom being in a relationship with anyone else.

  • Like 2
Posted

 

Do you guys still think of the one you lost and how long has it been?

 

Yes, every single day, and sometimes for way too much of the day. It's been 22 months.

Posted

Yeah, you'll continue to think about them, but the tone of the memories/thoughts change with time. I'm recovered at this point (over a year out), but the other night I had a flurry of thoughts about my ex. I mean, she'll pop in my head semi-regularly (not every day, but often) but then pop right back out. However, I was in bed just having a whole slew of thoughts about her.

 

However, they weren't sad thoughts. I wasn't trying to figure out anything about what she was thinking, why it died, what I could have done, what she could have done. I wasn't angry, I wasn't disappointed. I wasn't trying to plot a next move to get her back. I was completely neutral in every way, shape or form. Even the happy memories weren't really making me happy or making me long for her. They weren't exactly complete memories either, they were bits and pieces of things coming into my brain in no real order.

 

It was bizarre to be so indifferent to all this stuff -- stuff that would have made me feel like an emotional fool and break NC in the past. The only reason I was somewhat annoyed was because it was preventing me from going to sleep. Anyway, I don't think the thoughts ever disappear, but they just become thoughts instead of an emotional hot button.

  • Like 1
Posted

Your post really scares me =( I hope to god I will never look at my ex's fb.

Posted (edited)

when you say goodbye to someone......eventually they fade ....sometimes it is when you meet someone else who is so right for you more than that person would have ever been right for you...someone you would never have considered.......that's my belief so the only way to get over someone is to get out and meet others...... then you what you saw as precious and irreplaceable is often found in others.......if you give them a chance to show you......maybe they even have more to offer....like actually caring about you.......as much as you care for them ...

 

 

 

losing soemone doesnt have to be bad.......staying with someone because you think there is no other who can make you happy is a mistake.you have to be happy first to find happiness...it comes to you...i am tired of being unhappy.......there are many who could if given the chance enrich your life....thinkign about the one that got away......takes up time that you need to devote to soemoen who deserves it.....that person is always in your future never your past.....the past is regrets anchor...the future is a possibility of a sailing trip to beat all sailing trips

 

 

dont drag the anchor heavy with regrets and no gos along the bottom ...stops progress....set the sails.....set yourself free...deb

Edited by todreaminblue
Posted

No, but I think about her less each day.

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