ICS Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 About a month ago, I met this great girl from online. We went on a simple dinner date and really hit it off. She opted to go for dessert that same night and did not want to part ways. In fact, we were so attracted to each other that we automatically made plans to meet two days later for a movie. In that week, we went for the movie as planned. And, as with the date before, we had already decided on our next date for several days later. This pattern kept on for two weeks, where I saw her 6 times in the first two weeks. We really enjoyed each other's company, and there was no question about it. However, the third week was a long one, where we only met on Saturday. Afterwards, I realized that we did not talk much on the phone, despite texting every now and then. Later, when I confronted her about it, she told me she wants to take things slowly and to get to know me more, and that she was comfortable with the pace things were going. I was not at ease with the answer, since her behaviour changed suddenly, to the point where we would not talk at all unless I text or call her. No more cute little text messages that randomly make it to my phone. The next day, she tried to comfort me from the rough night we had, and invited me to watch a movie with her and to hang out with her friends. I politely refused because I was sure I would make a fool out of myself. Plus, I needed time for reflection and to not be angry with her. She understood, and we agreed to meet up another time. Fast forward another few days-my intuition and experience with women in the past told me that she must be seeing someone else. Or, perhaps she had already made up her mind and started exclusively seeing somebody. When we spoke on the phone, I brought up my theory, and was almost correct. Apparently, she had been seeing another guy aside from me. They had met a month before I went on my first date with her. She told me she needed time to think and figure out what she wants to do, but assured me that they were not exclusive. During the conversation, I confided about how I felt about her, and that I wanted us to be exclusive with each other. She answered by saying that she could not give me that right now. After two more days, and lots of endless speculation, I was ready to cut my ties with her. The guessing and self-doubt made it hard for me to function properly. She did not pick up the phone that night, but the next morning, she told me that she had stopped seeing the other guy, and wanted some time to be alone with her thoughts. I respected that and gave her two days. Afterwards, we talked on the phone, where she asked if I wanted to be exclusive with her. I could not give her an easy yes because of all the ups and downs we went through. However, I did say yes finally, and she happily acknowledged it. We met this past weekend, and had a good time together. During dinner, she brought up the idea of going on a vacation together, which was great for sure. Except, after the date, I have heard nothing from her, just like before she stopped seeing the other guy. When I called her last night, she did not pick up, but chose to text me back instead. I expressed my concerns, but she assured me that everything was ok, explaining that I will get to know her, and to not worry and be patient. My female friend and I talked about this last night, and we believe that she might need more room. I am fine with giving her that, but my lack of understanding of the situation is extremely unsettling. Despite being exclusive with each other now, I feel that we have taken a step back in our connection with each other. She feels aloof to me and I cannot pinpoint the reason and put my mind at ease. What would cause her to suddenly take a step back? Why does it feel like she just wants to be alone? On the one hand, I feel that waiting for her to text or call me would give her some breathing room. On the other hand, doing that would increase the distance between us. What is a guy to do? Would greatly appreciate some insight!
Assasda Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I dont think you know the meaning of the word aloof. Anyway, you were about to lose this girl in the beginning, because of your jealousy, and you forcing this girl into exclusivity. What you can do is try to have fun with this lady, and stop acting like a woman that is PMSing. My advice, is to : 1. Have fun with her 2. Go out with your friends, an dont cling on to her 3. Stop asking her stupid questions about other guys and what not 4. Dont be jealous 5. let her live her own life and decide what she wants to do on her own 1
Author ICS Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) I dont think you know the meaning of the word aloof. Anyway, you were about to lose this girl in the beginning, because of your jealousy, and you forcing this girl into exclusivity. What you can do is try to have fun with this lady, and stop acting like a woman that is PMSing. My advice, is to : 1. Have fun with her 2. Go out with your friends, an dont cling on to her 3. Stop asking her stupid questions about other guys and what not 4. Dont be jealous 5. let her live her own life and decide what she wants to do on her own I was not jealous. It was because she never was honest about it in the beginning when I asked her. It took me three attempts to finally get her to be honest with me, and it involved me asking with the leading question: "are you seeing anyone else?". Basically, it's quite self explanatory to me when we were occupying each other's every other day seeing each other. I don't think anyone could mistake it for anything else other than a strong attraction. I didn't even think it was possible that she had time to see other people with a schedule like that! I remember trying to kiss her on the second date, but she said that we should take things slowly. And now.. into the "exclusivity" that we talked about. I think I'll be quite naive to think she wasn't seeing anyone else, but I want to trust her. Of course.. nothing is making any sense right now. I left her alone today and heard nothing from her whatsoever. Edited October 30, 2013 by ICS
Leigh 87 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 When I am into a guy, I don't have eyes for anyone else. The day I met my last ex, I knew I only wanted to date him. It was beyond obvious. He took his profile down the day before we met, due to our phone connection. Without me asking him about being exclusive. In Australia, there is non of that exclusive bullsh*t. If you are that into someone, you date them and only THEM. If you're not into them, you date others and string them along until you find someone you DO like enough to date "exclusively" We don't even call it being exclusive here haha. The last guy put it like this: " I only tend to focus on one girl I really like at a time, are you on the same page"
Author ICS Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 When I am into a guy, I don't have eyes for anyone else. The day I met my last ex, I knew I only wanted to date him. It was beyond obvious. He took his profile down the day before we met, due to our phone connection. Without me asking him about being exclusive. In Australia, there is non of that exclusive bullsh*t. If you are that into someone, you date them and only THEM. If you're not into them, you date others and string them along until you find someone you DO like enough to date "exclusively" We don't even call it being exclusive here haha. The last guy put it like this: " I only tend to focus on one girl I really like at a time, are you on the same page" She closed her profile online actually, said she didn't want to date any other people. This was during the time when she was seeing both me and the other guy. My experience tells me something is not right. Like you said, when you are into somebody, it should be obvious. Right now, I am trying hard to convince myself that she is actually interested in me, because of her being so distant. By the way, I like how your last guy put it
Leigh 87 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I was not jealous. It was because she never was honest about it in the beginning when I asked her. It took me three attempts to finally get her to be honest with me, and it involved me asking with the leading question: "are you seeing anyone else?". Basically, it's quite self explanatory to me when we were occupying each other's every other day seeing each other. I don't think anyone could mistake it for anything else other than a strong attraction. I didn't even think it was possible that she had time to see other people with a schedule like that! I remember trying to kiss her on the second date, but she said that we should take things slowly. And now.. into the "exclusivity" that we talked about. I think I'll be quite naive to think she wasn't seeing anyone else, but I want to trust her. Of course.. nothing is making any sense right now. I left her alone today and heard nothing from her whatsoever. Actually, some people can spend every day with you without actually being all that into you. Personally, I don't spend hours and days at a time hanging out with a guy I don't really like that much. Sadly, some people are weird, and they are bored or short of friends at the moment, so they just hang out a lot with a person they really don't even like that much. Please don't take her hanging with you a lot as a sign she is into you. Plenty of people can enjoy hanging with you, WITHOUT actually being that into you in a romantic sense. It sounds like she enjoys your company, but she is not crazy enough about you to want to be yours and pin you down. There are people out there for everyone, where you will meet them just once, and then know you like them ENOUGH to want to only focus on them, to the exclusion of OTHERS. You're not that guy for her. There are guys she will meet once and then not want to date others. Please move on and find a girl who is very into you, enough to not want to date another guy while she is "getting to know" you. 1
Leigh 87 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) She closed her profile online actually, said she didn't want to date any other people. This was during the time when she was seeing both me and the other guy. My experience tells me something is not right. Like you said, when you are into somebody, it should be obvious. Right now, I am trying hard to convince myself that she is actually interested in me, because of her being so distant. By the way, I like how your last guy put it Yes, and he was not one of those stage 5 clingers who didn't have his own life. He was very busy every day with his own business, working until 2am, and he really never acted desperate. He just knew he liked me enough (at the time:lmao:) to only want to focus on me, and he asked me this in order to determine whether or not I was on the same page as he was. He obviously wanted a girl who felt the same way about him. He didn't want a girl who was talking to other guys to set up dates with them. He preferred to focus on one girl at a time, and wanted a girl who was on the same wavelength as him. The way in which he asked me was not creepy or clingy, desperate or strange. He simply said he "likes to focus on one girl at a time and give things a chance with them". I could have easily then said " well sorry, as much as I enjoy talking to you, I prefer to get to know different people before focusing on just one of them" If a girl is reasonable and not overly judgmental, she shouldn't really bat an eyelash at you saying something along those lines as what the last dude said to me. Perhaps in the future, if a girl is giving you mixed signals (hanging out with you for days and hours, only to go cold and ignore your texts the next week), simply say to her that once you like a girl, you prefer to only talk to them, until you determine that you're not a good match. Some girls will be honest with you and tell you that they are not feeling the same was as you, about NOT wanting to multi date; others will lie because they are selfish and want to keep you around to see if you end up being their "best option" Personally, I would always tell the truth. Good luck with it, she doesn't sound like you're future wife man, you should hold out for a girl who likes you so much that she cannot focus on others. Edited October 30, 2013 by Leigh 87 1
Author ICS Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Thanks Leigh. It's been two days of no contact, and I don't think things will change. I need to stop dwelling on this and find a way to treat myself. I don't think I deserve this from her.
Author ICS Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 So, tonight she finally texted me and told me she doesn't think we are a good match for each other. Didn't say why, but just told me she is going to stop seeing me right now. Wow, i feel great...
Lobouspo Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Hang in there bro. Your intuition was right. Let this be a lesson..no matter how much you think you like someone, don't put all of your eggs in one basket so soon. Play the field resist quick emotional attachment
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