Picking up random chicks

[404namenotfound]

Here is my deal. I'm a reasonably attractive college student, I kind of look like a young Daniel Craig but leaner to give you an idea. I've also been told I'm a nice and fun person, I know I do a really good job with coming up with activities. I am an engineering major so I meet very few women through friends and classes. That means I end up just picking up on chicks I find attractive when I see them. I have reasonable success at getting them on dates, the problem though seems to be that they are not really that great of people.

 

Truth be told I have never actually been in a real relationship. I've dated and hooked up with chicks but I am yet to have a girlfriend. My experience is I could either date my friends I am not attracted to* or I can date the attractive sorority chick that has been with 20 guys this month and is very shallow.

 

I actually talked to one girl about this, I would have liked to date her but turned me down. She said she thought I came on very strong and was turned off by that. She thought I just wanted to have sex with her, although I would like to have sex with her I also really do like her as a person. She actually thinks I'm reasonably good looking and we get along great. She just has some crazy notion that I don't really like her as a person. This makes no sense to me as we have remained friends and she is one of the women I am closest too in my life right now. She has also said that she thinks I'm reasonably attractive looking. This girl is not single anymore so I kind of feel like I blew my shot there and that might be the reason she hasn't "come around" to liking me now.

 

What could I be doing wrong where the kind of girls I want to date think I'm the kind of guy who goes for the girls I don't want to date? I know that is my issue, its not that girls don't think I'm good looking or I'm "playing out of my league" I just seem to give off some sort of player vibe. I really want a girlfriend, not some hoe to have sex with. That might sound offensive but they really are, I am yet to get a nice and attractive girl to go on a date with me.

 

I know my issue comes from not wanting what I have so then I go look for something better. In looking for something better I end up just having to pick up chicks in public places. Though I know that can work, it works for lots of people.

 

*I'll say my female friends are not bad looking but I'm honestly not interested in most of them. I'd rather not be in a relationship than half ass it with them and be with a girl who I don't find attractive in every way. So yes I have high standards but I accept that I may be single for a while as I look for someone that meets my standards.

 

EDIT: Also I have tried online dating but it is the worst. Not doing that again.

Edited October 29, 2013 by 404namenotfound

[Assasda]

You seem to be caught up in "looks" a lot so maybe thats why you give off that vibe.

Try talking to girls in book stores, places like that.

THis might sound weird, but try enjoying yourself alone for a while, maybe a 2 months or 3, then come back to dating women

[404namenotfound]

I'm not going to lie and say I don't care about looks. I'm not saying she has to be perfect or the best looking girl ever but I really do not want to date someone I don't find rather attractive. I hate to use the scale but I'm going to date a woman who isn't at least a 7/10 to me. I mean I'll just be single rather than feel like I compromised.

 

With that I really do care how she is as a person. I feel like that is a given in the context here though. Other wise I'd just date the skanky chicks I seem to attract.

 

I actually kind of did take a break after the thing with the chick I really wanted to date. Now I'm getting back into it and I was just thinking about how things went wrong.

[CrystalCastles]

Well what do you want us to do? Wave a magic wand so the hot chick of your dreams materializes beside you?

 

Either you stay single until you find the girl you like, or you date one of those "not so attractive" girls. And frankly, there's more to a relationship than looks. You keep saying that you don't want to date the hot skank, yet you judge girls based on their looks and nothing else. How do you know you don't like those "less than attractive" girls?

 

I myself have liked guys based on their personalities rather than looks (they weren't attractive to me before, but that became unimportant once I got to know them really well).

 

And if you want to meet a full package girl, then you need to be a full package guy. Obvs you're missing something. Maybe some humility? I know I wouldn't want to date someone with your attitude, and before you go calling me ugly, I've been rated a 9/10.

[kiss_andmakeup]

The truth of the matter is, you are in a bit of a tough age group for serious relationships.

 

As you've noted, many girls your age (I'm assuming late teens or very early twenties?) just want to date around and have fun; especially the attractive ones. I'm not claiming they're all "hoes" as you so eloquently stated, but they might not be seeking a serious romantic connection at this juncture. And that's totally a-ok.

 

So that leaves you with a dramatically reduced pool from which to date. Filter out the women who aren't "attractive enough" for you...which you claimed would be anything less than a "7". That further reduces your already small pool. College girls > college girls who are attractive > college girls who are attractive and interested in a relationship > college girls who are attractive and interested in a relationship and are single. It doesn't leave you with much. As you've noted with the friend of yours that you were interested in, she is now taken...and that's likely because she has such a vast pool of potential mates to select from.

 

Then there's the other unfortunate fact, which is that many girls your age who do want a serious relationship are going to look to slightly older guys. Most assume that men your age are still in the "sowing wild oats" phase, which to be fair, is accurate for a lot of guys. Not all, but a lot.

 

When I was in college I was like you. I wasn't interested in the hook-up culture; I favoured deep connection and a real relationship. But my college boyfriend scooped me up my freshman year and I remained in a relationship with him for almost my entire time at university. Other guys who may have liked me never had an "in," per se, because I was with him the entire time.

 

I guess the only advice I can give you is to bide your time. Focus on your studies, be the best you that you can be, and have fun getting to know people. You might just have to wait until some of those college relationships start to dissolve, or until your peers grow up a little bit. Keep forming bonds with women now so that you can already be in their minds when those times come.

 

As for what you can do now, a little humility goes a long way.

Edited October 30, 2013 by kiss_andmakeup

[404namenotfound]

The truth of the matter is, you are in a bit of a tough age group for serious relationships.

 

As you've noted, many girls your age (I'm assuming late teens or very early twenties?) just want to date around and have fun; especially the attractive ones. I'm not claiming they're all "hoes" as you so eloquently stated, but they might not be seeking a serious romantic connection at this juncture. And that's totally a-ok.

 

So that leaves you with a dramatically reduced pool from which to date. Filter out the women who aren't "attractive enough" for you...which you claimed would be anything less than a "7". That further reduces your already small pool. College girls > college girls who are attractive > college girls who are attractive and interested in a relationship > college girls who are attractive and interested in a relationship and are single. It doesn't leave you with much. As you've noted with the friend of yours that you were interested in, she is now taken...and that's likely because she has such a vast pool of potential mates to select from.

 

Then there's the other unfortunate fact, which is that many girls your age who do want a serious relationship are going to look to slightly older guys. Most assume that men your age are still in the "sowing wild oats" phase, which to be fair, is accurate for a lot of guys. Not all, but a lot.

 

When I was in college I was like you. I wasn't interested in the hook-up culture; I favoured deep connection and a real relationship. But my college boyfriend scooped me up my freshman year and I remained in a relationship with him for almost my entire time at university. Other guys who may have liked me never had an "in," per se, because I was with him the entire time.

 

I guess the only advice I can give you is to bide your time. Focus on your studies, be the best you that you can be, and have fun getting to know people. You might just have to wait until some of those college relationships start to dissolve, or until your peers grow up a little bit. Keep forming bonds with women now so that you can already be in their minds when those times come.

 

As for what you can do now, a little humility and humbleness goes a long way.

 

Just to say this first I am well aware I come off as a douche here. I just didn't want to beat around the bush, I really am a much more normal person with redeeming qualities. I also know that I don't have a huge dating pool but I do meet girls who are single and I would like to date often enough to know they aren't unicorns. I just feel that I scare them away a bit but I don't really know how else to talk to random new girls.

 

Here is an example of how a conversation between me and a girl I meet:

*make eye contact and smile*

*depending on distance some long range flirting may be involved*

*I walk over*

I'll then make some comment on how she looks or the weather, or what she's reading. She will know this is a pickup but its not corny and it is an authentic compliment.

 

She'll usually respond with a "thank you" and we get some light conversation going

 

Within 10-15 minutes I'm looking to have her number. After that I'll try to set up a date and do some flirting with her over text.

 

By the time I have her on a date she's probably not a very nice girl and is probably "dating" a bunch of other guys, or is just waiting for me to pay for dinner and then have sex with her. Which isn't awful but I really don't want that.

 

I am young and what I am looking for is someone I can date for more than a year and I really enjoy being with in every possible way. Otherwise I don't want to put the effort into it.

Edited October 30, 2013 by 404namenotfound

[kiss_andmakeup]

Just to say this first I am well aware I come off as a douche here. I just didn't want to beat around the bush, I really am a much more normal person with redeeming qualities. I also know that I don't have a huge dating pool but I do meet girls who are single and I would like to date often enough to know they aren't unicorns. I just feel that I scare them away a bit but I don't really know how else to talk to random new girls.

 

Here is an example of how a conversation between me and a girl I meet:

*make eye contact and smile*

*depending on distance some long range flirting may be involved*

*I walk over*

I'll then make some comment on how she looks or the weather, or what she's reading. She will know this is a pickup but its not corny and it is an authentic compliment.

 

She'll usually respond with a "thank you" and we get some light conversation going

 

Within 10-15 minutes I'm looking to have her number. After that I'll try to set up a date and do some flirting with her over text.

 

By the time I have her on a date she's probably not a very nice girl and is probably "dating" a bunch of other guys, or is just waiting for me to pay for dinner and then have sex with her. Which isn't awful but I really don't want that.

 

I am young and what I am looking for is someone I can date for more than a year and I really enjoy being with in every possible way. Otherwise I don't want to put the effort into it.

 

Okay, so you gave this whole run-down of your approach "tactics" and how it usually goes, but...then you go on to say that this usually ends with you being on a date with someone who is "not very nice."

 

Yet earlier in your thread you said you've met enough women you'd like to date to know they aren't that uncommon.

 

So...how does the exchange go with one of the women you do want to date? Where does it go wrong? Do you ask for their number and they simply say "no"?

[404namenotfound]

Well what do you want us to do? Wave a magic wand so the hot chick of your dreams materializes beside you?

 

Either you stay single until you find the girl you like, or you date one of those "not so attractive" girls. And frankly, there's more to a relationship than looks. You keep saying that you don't want to date the hot skank, yet you judge girls based on their looks and nothing else. How do you know you don't like those "less than attractive" girls?

 

I myself have liked guys based on their personalities rather than looks (they weren't attractive to me before, but that became unimportant once I got to know them really well).

 

And if you want to meet a full package girl, then you need to be a full package guy. Obvs you're missing something. Maybe some humility? I know I wouldn't want to date someone with your attitude, and before you go calling me ugly, I've been rated a 9/10.

 

I know I sound douchey here, I just didn't want to beat around the bush. People that know me really seem to like me and I know I have redeeming qualities.

 

Maybe this is just how I'm thinking about it. I do not plan on marring for about 7-10 years, even if I meet the right woman I don't see myself being in the position to do it until I have my life sorted out completely. I pretty much want someone I can have fun with but with enough commitment that we are a couple and we can share feelings and whatnot.

 

I know what I'm missing. Its that I come off as a douchey alpha player type. As is displayed here. I want to fix that. That's not who I really am.

[404namenotfound]

Okay, so you gave this whole run-down of your approach "tactics" and how it usually goes, but...then you go on to say that this usually ends with you being on a date with someone who is "not very nice."

 

Yet earlier in your thread you said you've met enough women you'd like to date to know they aren't that uncommon.

 

So...how does the exchange go with one of the women you do want to date? Where does it go wrong? Do you ask for their number and they simply say "no"?

 

Yes I either do not get their number or I lose them somewhere between getting their number and going on a date with them. The second is more common. Maybe they feel obligated to give me their number but then I do something wrong in the text flirting stage.

[404namenotfound]

You don't come off as a douche. You come off as a little needy and unsure of yourself. Don't be apologetic for wanting a catch a special girl. Also you were trying to get in a relationship with a girl who you described as being below your league. Surely she was right to sense you'd tire of her and use her for regular sex while you looked to move into something real.

 

You need to go after girls who you feel are a good match. Don't aim low. Not being in classes with girls isn't really hurting you. As you get older this will all get easier. Like another poster said girls your age looking for serious relationships will often date a 6+ years older. Also the girls who are dating guys your age have already been scooped up.

 

I think you can easily get what you want. I think you need to stop worrying about wanting sex or pretty girls though. Perfectly healthy, perfectly normal. Also when a girl starts making wild accusations that you're just in it for the sex don't play into that. Nothing wrong with wanting sex and yes you want more. Show them with your actions.

 

All very good points. The only info I have to go off of so far is that I've been told I come on strong and I have seen that I lose the good girls in a stage where that could be the issue. I get their numbers fine and can keep talking to them and then at some point the ones I thought were nice tend to disappear before I get them on a date. Once I've gotten a girl on a date and I like her more than just physically things seem to go as well as I could expect.

 

I guess typing that out actually made me realize something. I probably come off as rather horny when I flirt with them a lot prior to setting up a date.

 

EDIT: I'm not worried about sex, I really don't have a problem with waiting on that or not boning often. Although I'd like to I do have plenty of other things I enjoy as much. Though I do care about looks. I'm not going to say it defines the relationship but I really can not see myself being with someone I don't find very attractive.

Edited October 30, 2013 by 404namenotfound

[Outsider77]

If you have girl friends that you aren't interested in, maybe you could show them how you try to pick up girls so they can tell you what you're doing wrong.

 

If you are really horny, you probably should hold off on approaching girls until you aren't. Drunk girls will probably go for this, but not nice girls.

 

Randomly approaching girls may not be the best way to meet them. Maybe you can start some type of activity where you could meet girls. Like yoga, or a nutrition class. I dunno, some place where you can make friends with them first so you don't creep them out.

[AntiSocal]

Lol. The fact that you keep mentioning your looks makes you sound ugly.

 

Girls don't care as much about facial aesthetics. As long as you are fit and healthy forget all about looks. They don't matter.

 

Its about confidence. As someone else said you sound desperate af. Analyzing every girl you talk to... thats weird.

 

You are approaching girls wrong. Do not talk to them for 15 minutes wtf? Talk to them for like 5 minutes max. Just get there name, age, what there into, phone number, and then leave. Don't have a mini date with them... keep it short and sweet.

 

Don't text girls a lot. Don't text them at all. Call them set up a date. Go on said date. Don't spend time sending meaning less texts and having boring conversations. There is no point.

 

Stop being so needy. You are how old? You have how long to live? Have you even self actualized yet? Why are you so worried about having a girlfriend?

 

The only way you are gonna find your "perfect" girl is by playing the field. If you ask out every girl you are attracted to, take them on dates, gauge there level of sluttiness, you will eventually find your perfect girl. If you sit around complaining about how you need to find a girl that isn't slutty... well you're gonna have some problems.

 

And how old are you exactly? If you are 18-19 maybe try dating high school girls. 17-18 years old. Girls are more open to serious relationships with guys that are older then them. Plus a lot of high school girls are virgins and easy to manipulate. If you catch a good one you can lock her down now.

[404namenotfound]

Lol. The fact that you keep mentioning your looks makes you sound ugly.

 

Girls don't care as much about facial aesthetics. As long as you are fit and healthy forget all about looks. They don't matter.

 

Its about confidence. As someone else said you sound desperate af. Analyzing every girl you talk to... thats weird.

 

You are approaching girls wrong. Do not talk to them for 15 minutes wtf? Talk to them for like 5 minutes max. Just get there name, age, what there into, phone number, and then leave. Don't have a mini date with them... keep it short and sweet.

 

Don't text girls a lot. Don't text them at all. Call them set up a date. Go on said date. Don't spend time sending meaning less texts and having boring conversations. There is no point.

 

Stop being so needy. You are how old? You have how long to live? Have you even self actualized yet? Why are you so worried about having a girlfriend?

 

The only way you are gonna find your "perfect" girl is by playing the field. If you ask out every girl you are attracted to, take them on dates, gauge there level of sluttiness, you will eventually find your perfect girl. If you sit around complaining about how you need to find a girl that isn't slutty... well you're gonna have some problems.

 

And how old are you exactly? If you are 18-19 maybe try dating high school girls. 17-18 years old. Girls are more open to serious relationships with guys that are older then them. Plus a lot of high school girls are virgins and easy to manipulate. If you catch a good one you can lock her down now.

 

The last bit there is actually terrible. I don't want to trap some chick in a relationship, what the hell is that? With that high school chicks are so annoying, not doing that again.

 

Also I'm 20, and won't be 21 til March.

 

To everyone on here does talking to her a fair bit before actually asking her out come off as needy?

One thing that I don't want to do is have the nice girls think I'm just being a PUA douche and only want to sleep with them. That stuff does not work on the girls I want. I've actually tried that and had worse success with that than what I do now. That is why I try to talk to them for long enough I kind of know them and have a reasonable understanding of who they are. I always thought "picky" girls liked that.

[404namenotfound]

If you have girl friends that you aren't interested in, maybe you could show them how you try to pick up girls so they can tell you what you're doing wrong.

 

If you are really horny, you probably should hold off on approaching girls until you aren't. Drunk girls will probably go for this, but not nice girls.

 

Randomly approaching girls may not be the best way to meet them. Maybe you can start some type of activity where you could meet girls. Like yoga, or a nutrition class. I dunno, some place where you can make friends with them first so you don't creep them out.

 

See the thing is I can't do anything like that just to meet girls. I really don't have time to waste doing BS activities just so I can spend more time around women. Most of the things I actually enjoy are "guy" activities like working on cars.

 

If I'm going to go out with a girl who I'm attracted to I'm going to have to look outside my normal activities.

 

I guess I have really bad situation here. The girls I want to date want to get to know me well before going on a date. I don't have time to join activities just to meet women. I do have some time throughout the day to stop and exchange numbers with some girl I meet at Starbucks.

[kiss_andmakeup]

See the thing is I can't do anything like that just to meet girls. I really don't have time to waste doing BS activities just so I can spend more time around women. Most of the things I actually enjoy are "guy" activities like working on cars.

 

If I'm going to go out with a girl who I'm attracted to I'm going to have to look outside my normal activities.

 

I guess I have really bad situation here. The girls I want to date want to get to know me well before going on a date. I don't have time to join activities just to meet women. I do have some time throughout the day to stop and exchange numbers with some girl I meet at Starbucks.

 

Do you really have time for a relationship, then?

 

Something to consider. Part of a relationship is doing things the other person likes with them...it's not all sex and movies on the couch. Or at least it shouldn't be, unless you're just looking for a FWB.

[404namenotfound]

Do you really have time for a relationship, then?

 

Something to consider. Part of a relationship is doing things the other person likes with them...it's not all sex and movies on the couch. Or at least it shouldn't be, unless you're just looking for a FWB.

 

I can make time when I have someone. What I should've said is that I would rather spend time working on the projects I enjoy and am already involved in than go take a cooking class with hopes of meeting women.

 

I've actually tried some of that kind of stuff before where I take a class I don't really care about and does not help me with my degree but is mostly women. I've found that actually really sucks because I spend hours a week doing something I don't like just so I can be around women with no real guarantee I'm going to like them in anyway or they are going to be interested in me. I feel like I'm putting a lot of effort into something that doesn't really work for me. I guess I am kind of picky and I'd rather meet a large number of women and select the ones I like from the ones that like me.

 

Actually maybe you can help me out with figuring out an activity that I can join. I don't know what your experiences have been but do you know of anything this is really low commitment where I could meet some women? Maybe something that meets at most two hours a week and I would likely not have much responsibility so I could skip/leave if I'm not feeling it. No offence to religious folk but something similar to church but without the religion aspect would probably be pretty good.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I can make time when I have someone. What I should've said is that I would rather spend time working on the projects I enjoy and am already involved in than go take a cooking class with hopes of meeting women.

 

I've actually tried some of that kind of stuff before where I take a class I don't really care about and does not help me with my degree but is mostly women. I've found that actually really sucks because I spend hours a week doing something I don't like just so I can be around women with no real guarantee I'm going to like them in anyway or they are going to be interested in me. I feel like I'm putting a lot of effort into something that doesn't really work for me. I guess I am kind of picky and I'd rather meet a large number of women and select the ones I like from the ones that like me.

 

Actually maybe you can help me out with figuring out an activity that I can join. I don't know what your experiences have been but do you know of anything this is really low commitment where I could meet some women? Maybe something that meets at most two hours a week and I would likely not have much responsibility so I could skip/leave if I'm not feeling it. No offence to religious folk but something similar to church but without the religion aspect would probably be pretty good.

 

I've volunteered for an animal rescue for the past 8 years, and almost all of the other volunteers in my organization are women. So that might be something nice to try, particularly if you enjoy being around animals. I will say, though, that a guy joining up just to meet girls and not because he actually likes animals would be extremely transparent. So maybe you could look at it as doing something positive, giving, and rewarding that might lead to meeting some women.

 

Volunteering even just for a couple of hours a week can be an extremely fulfilling experience.

[404namenotfound]

I've volunteered for an animal rescue for the past 8 years, and almost all of the other volunteers in my organization are women. So that might be something nice to try, particularly if you enjoy being around animals. I will say, though, that a guy joining up just to meet girls and not because he actually likes animals would be extremely transparent. So maybe you could look at it as doing something positive, giving, and rewarding that might lead to meeting some women.

 

Volunteering even just for a couple of hours a week can be an extremely fulfilling experience.

 

Volunteering would be good, I'll look into that. I don't dislike animals but they aren't really something I am passionate about, so I probably would want to stay away from that.

[404namenotfound]

You're only 20 this all gets easier with age. The difference in the way girls react to you just between 20 and 22 is unbelievable. I'm talking night and day. The way you'll feel is like night and day. Just keep trying and building your confidence.

 

I'm 29 just out of a years long relationship that I should have gotten out of years earlier. I wish I could just jump into something new sure but I know that's not reality. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Don't worry about your standards or upsetting girls. Also understand you might get a gf this month at a Halloween party or something. You might also not get a gf for months or years. It will happen though as long as you don't die trying.

 

PUA stuff isn't all bad. It's all different too. There isn't some standard PUA advice. Take what works for you. Don't treat it like a religion. The basics are be confident, approach lots of girls, and be carefree about the idea of rejection and getting rejected. Then as far as the dates go escalate things physically instead of being stand offish.

 

A dancing club that meets at your school once a week might be worth your while. Studying at the school library might provide you with regular interaction with the pretty girls who work and or study there regularly. Joining a Fraternity with guys you respect and want to be friends with is a great way to network for your future and also you'll get introduced to girls.

 

Dancing club would be good, maybe I could learn how to not look like an idiot when trying to dance. I tried frats, although they have some advantages once again I feel like its a lot of bromance and then I'd be in the same place I am now where I am now where I just end up picking up on chicks.

 

Same thing with the library too, I study in the library, eat lunch in the union, and try to spend my down time in public places. Right now I'm typing this in a nice lounge/study area where there are plenty of other people. I then meet women this way by approaching them, and for whatever reason my pickup style only seems to get me the party type.

 

EDIT: I forgot to say that I agree some of the PUA stuff is good, but there is a lot of crap in there that I know is a major turnoff for the kind of girls I like form what I have seen. I mean I want the kind of girl that fits the more country girl type and isn't really into the party-hookup scene.

Edited October 30, 2013 by 404namenotfound

[Outsider77]

Just so you know, not all girls are interested in "girly" things and I'm sure there are some women (who are not gay) who are interested in the guy type of activities that you enjoy.

 

I like lots of things that many girls don't like. Video games, science, building things, landscaping, etc. So there have got to be some girls out there that like what you like so you don't have to pretend to be interested in something you hate just to meet girls.

[404namenotfound]

Just so you know, not all girls are interested in "girly" things and I'm sure there are some women (who are not gay) who are interested in the guy type of activities that you enjoy.

 

I like lots of things that many girls don't like. Video games, science, building things, landscaping, etc. So there have got to be some girls out there that like what you like so you don't have to pretend to be interested in something you hate just to meet girls.

 

This is true but you're in the minority. Don't take this the wrong way but I have never met a girl I would really want to date, is single, and think I'm actually compatible with through the activities that I really enjoy. Sure there are women who are into cars, rock/metal, and mountain biking but there are just so few of them that its unlikely I'm going to find someone I really want to and can be with in any of those groups.

 

I know I'm being picky. I really do get that. Like I've said I want an attractive girl who is laid back and isn't the party type. I'd like to figure out what I can do differently to find a girl like that. I mean I have no problem getting 2 out of the 3 there, but to find all three in one person is proving to be a challenge.

[Outsider77]

There are tons of girls into rock/metal and mountain biking. Maybe not both of those things in one. Who doesn't like mountain biking? Maybe you live in a strange area. I would think you could just go online, put in a personal ad, and find tons of girls your age that like things that you like.

[Kate9292]

Here is my deal. I'm a reasonably attractive college student, I kind of look like a young Daniel Craig but leaner to give you an idea. I've also been told I'm a nice and fun person, I know I do a really good job with coming up with activities. I am an engineering major so I meet very few women through friends and classes. That means I end up just picking up on chicks I find attractive when I see them. I have reasonable success at getting them on dates, the problem though seems to be that they are not really that great of people.

 

Truth be told I have never actually been in a real relationship. I've dated and hooked up with chicks but I am yet to have a girlfriend. My experience is I could either date my friends I am not attracted to* or I can date the attractive sorority chick that has been with 20 guys this month and is very shallow.

 

I actually talked to one girl about this, I would have liked to date her but turned me down. She said she thought I came on very strong and was turned off by that. She thought I just wanted to have sex with her, although I would like to have sex with her I also really do like her as a person. She actually thinks I'm reasonably good looking and we get along great. She just has some crazy notion that I don't really like her as a person. This makes no sense to me as we have remained friends and she is one of the women I am closest too in my life right now. She has also said that she thinks I'm reasonably attractive looking. This girl is not single anymore so I kind of feel like I blew my shot there and that might be the reason she hasn't "come around" to liking me now.

 

What could I be doing wrong where the kind of girls I want to date think I'm the kind of guy who goes for the girls I don't want to date? I know that is my issue, its not that girls don't think I'm good looking or I'm "playing out of my league" I just seem to give off some sort of player vibe. I really want a girlfriend, not some hoe to have sex with. That might sound offensive but they really are, I am yet to get a nice and attractive girl to go on a date with me.

 

I know my issue comes from not wanting what I have so then I go look for something better. In looking for something better I end up just having to pick up chicks in public places. Though I know that can work, it works for lots of people.

 

*I'll say my female friends are not bad looking but I'm honestly not interested in most of them. I'd rather not be in a relationship than half ass it with them and be with a girl who I don't find attractive in every way. So yes I have high standards but I accept that I may be single for a while as I look for someone that meets my standards.

 

EDIT: Also I have tried online dating but it is the worst. Not doing that again.

 

Your problem is you treat them as you said in your very title as "random chicks". That kind of attitude is very transparent and if a guy came up to me thinking I'm some random chick to be picked up for an easy lay, I'd be pretty offended and probably reject him harshly.

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There are tons of girls into rock/metal and mountain biking. Maybe not both of those things in one. Who doesn't like mountain biking? Maybe you live in a strange area. I would think you could just go online, put in a personal ad, and find tons of girls your age that like things that you like.

 

I tried online dating for about 3 weeks and it didn't really work out. I felt like I was digging through the leftovers to be honest. Not to offend people but OK cupid seemed to be full of people who turned to it out of desperation rather than as a way to filter people/speed up the getting to know you process. I really did not like that.

 

There are some women who are casually into mountain biking and metal, just in my expedience there are very few who go to meetings and join clubs or go to concerts for that kind of thing. Just like how it is with cars. Lots of girls casually like cars and I can talk to them about the nice European makes, how I went to a race this weekend, or how I did at a recent auto-x event but they don't show up to the campus car shows or days we go to the chassis dyno. All the concerts I've been to have been 75-80% male for example.

 

I actually went online and made a list of every club I would be interested in joining and made a schedule on when I'm going to check them out. I'm thinking that's going to be good. There are probably a lot more women at things like 4H, ski club, and maybe at the more enthusiast based car clubs where you're not expected to own or maintain any sort of interesting car.

[404namenotfound]

Your problem is you treat them as you said in your very title as "random chicks". That kind of attitude is very transparent and if a guy came up to me thinking I'm some random chick to be picked up for an easy lay, I'd be pretty offended and probably reject him harshly.

 

Well then how should I do it? I'm being honest here. The way I see it is I don't know these women but I'd like to. I see you, you are random, so I talk to you and try to get to know you. True it starts with me being physically attracted but what else am I supposed to use to filter through all the people I know nothing about?

 

Like I've said going to and through friends does not work. I'm going to try hanging out at more clubs I like but even then I'm going to limit myself to the few girls that I meet that way.

 

I've been very disappointed with the women I meet through conventional ways and not trying. If I don't step outside the groups I'm in I'm likely not going to meet a woman I really want to be with any time soon and that's the end of it.