Laurakiam Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Please help me! I need some advice!i will try and keep to the main points so i dont write masses of stuff. Me and my narc bf/ ex narc got together nearly two years ago after being college friends 4 years prior. I was the girl he wanted but could never have (i was young and didnt want a relationship) he told me he used to have so many girls hed list them on his phone and put them in order of 'how good they were'. So when we got in touch after 4 years of not being in contact (in that time i did have a relationship with someone else and we had a child) and i agreed to give it ago, he 'finally got his dream girl' and told me i didnt just deserve to be treated like i princess, i needed to be treated like a queen! To say i was put on a pedestal is an understatement, he worshiped the ground i walked on, told everyone how he had found his 'happy ever after' with the girl he liked soo much but thought hed never have a chance of having. This lasted for 6 weeks, then the 'joking' critical comments started about things hed previously loved about me, and on our first little spat i got my first bout of silent treatment. But never the less on the whole i was soo happy so i quickly moved away from my family to be closer to him. Then i found out i was pregnant. I was soo happy as he had been saying he wanted to settle down with our own little one and a brother for my olest son, our perfect little family just us with no one else, as he said. He wasnt as happy about my pregnancy as what i had expected him to be which i thought was strange but i ignored it. Things went downhill from there. I caught him moving an old ex into his flat and he said it was my fault he had to do it as i didnt want him living at mine straight away and he couldnt afford the rent on his own, but if i had let him move in with me it wouldnt have happened. I walked away and later that day he must of paniced and he moved her out. So i forgave him. Afew days later i found out he had facebook after he told me he didnt and it said he was in a relationship with another girl. When i asked her she said he told her we were finished and when i confronted him he texted her and said that he wasnt with me and that i just dont like to see him move on. But he told me it was people hacking into his account and doing it. I cant remember what happened, at some point i must of forgave him but he never said sorry or admitted he did it, and then he just ended up moving in at mine. To cut to where he really got narcy is when he left me 3 days before christmas and said it was because of my moaning. And when he left apart of me died, i had a bleed on xmas eve cause of the stress and my pregnancy became high risk, but when i told him he ignored me. I was basically non existant for my son on christmas day, i just did what i had to do to get through the day for him, i will always feel so guilty for that. In this time my n was on facebook, adding girls and having a great time, he never asked about our unborn son. On valentines day, he put that he was 'married' on facebook so he knew id pick him up on it, he went mental saying here u go now youve ruined what could have been an amazing day, go away i dont want to talk to you, he then changed the status back to single, he had completed his mission. It went on like that, ignoring me for days until 'i learned to talk to him and treat him with respect and until then you wont be hearing from me'. Hed call me the most awful things in his rages and say our child wasnt his and he wanted nothing to do with him and that were over, we were never together, but we were together, but then hed always text a while or afew days later to 'give me another chance' and in the meantime he rarely saw me as he was either busy with work or he was busy teaching me a lesson. Hed be out all the time with mates and girls. Then came the birth of our son. My n was amazing, he adored our precious boy and he got to name him the name he had always dreamed of calling his first son. However he never spent a penny on things he needed nor did he put his name on the birth certificate as he 'had doubts'. I accepted it because i thought how we were was better than nothing. He stayed for 4 days and it was perfect, but when he went back to his place it was like he became another person (the n resurfaced). From then until now he dumps me every few days, says i dont love him and that i cheat on him and that i should be grateful i have a bf like him but yet nothing he does makes me happy. He says the more i get unhappy that he doesnt see me the more hell stay away, so yes i barely see him, cause im gutted hes never here, but thats my fault. When he dumped me afew weeks back i played a different card and said, ok and left him alone. That night he turned up at my door saying 'dont u wana sort it out then?' Huh?! He said it was my fault cause i had stressed him out and that really he had expected to be inundated with texts and calls but he wasnt. Afew nights ago he came to mine and i asked to swap phones so i could look through it and he said no accusing me of planning it because i had given myself time to delete evidence of me cheating off of my phone so why should he just get put on the spot? I told him to get out as he must of been hiding things from me. He went and since then hes refused to talk to me. Its been a solid 3-4 days. Is this just silent treatment cause hes been caught out or is this it?he wont tell me its over, so is that him giving himself the right to go and do what he wants now and come back when hes bored? Or is this really it?i dont know wether to grieve or be stressed or cry or laugh. I remember once in a text conversation one text said 'everything is always your fault' and literally the next text said 'so whats the love of my life been doing today' im a confused mess!but i love him soooo much and i miss him, the bits i had anyway. No one gets how i feel, and i dont have anyone to talk to as my friends and family are now long gone. Theres so mych more i could tell you, but id be here forever. This is my first online posting, so thank you in advance for reading and id be so grateful for your input, i need someones advice who has experience of narcs
Philosoraptor Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 He's a lying emotionally abusive user. You see all of these horrific qualities in him, yet you continue to want him? May I ask why? He's likely cheating on you as his selfishness seems to know no bounds. He's only around and half decent to you the time you are giving in and giving him what he wants. And he makes excuses and blames everything on you when things don't go the way he wants. He's a childish loser and you need to get yourself, and your son, away from this horrible influence.
mammasita Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 My wish for you is to grow some balls and dump his ass. Move on and provide the best life you can for your son. Let him grow up without being subject to seeing how you let his father walk all over you. Please do not let him grow up to follow in his fathers footsteps 1
flight E Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Obviously he has gotten bored and tired of the relationship and he is not being mature bout it. If you love him and think you should work things out which I doubt is in your best interest, then teach him in the language he can understand. He doesn't call, don't call. He doesn't text don't text. Don't complain about anything. Be as emotionally distant as you possibly can. But your best bet is too consider the relationship over cut off contact with him and start healing. You can think of reconciling or not later when you have a clearer head for now cut contact 4 at least 3months 1
ConstantVoyager Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 He's an ass. Do not get back together with him. Get him and your child DNA tested so that you can get child support. Focus on raising your two children. Don't have any more children with idiots like him. Invest in a reliable form of birth control if you're going to be sexually active. Getting pregnant six weeks into a new relationship is not the greatest idea ever.
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) You label him a narcissist. If you labeled him because you've done your research and have realized that he falls under the criteria of a narcissist, you will see that everything that he is doing to you is what a narcissist does. You know this and that is why you state he is a narc, yes? But yet you ask? And what does it matter if you get advice from people that have been with narcs? The abuse he is showing you isn't enough for you to have a brain smart enough to say narc or not, I cannot tolerate this and nor will I expose my sons to this, because know that your boys will be affected. What are you teaching your sons? To become just like him? To disrespect and abuse women? That their mother is weak and submissive? That it's okay to treat people horribly? You have a responsibility to them. You will also learn from your research that narcissist don't change. So, why are you asking these questions even when you know this is a dead relationship. It's abusive. It's manipulative. It won't change. Instead you ask if he's left you or is it the silent treatment?!?! Who gives a shytt? He's abusing you! If you can't leave leave him for your own sake, do it for your children. Edited October 30, 2013 by Zahara 1
hestheone66 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 He is not the one in charge of deciding if the 'relationship' is over. U can make that dwcision. I know from experience. Do it now while your son is young..dont put him in birth certificate then u can move on for good. You deserve better than trash and abuss..the honeymoon phase is never coming back. He is chasing that high with others
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