Stop wanting to show your exes continued life successes post-breakup

[Stryker101]

Been lurking this forum for a long time and it gets maddening to see many men/women wanting to somehow get "revenge" or "pay back" by currently, or one day for some, wanting to show their exes their new bodies, money, cars, etc.

 

Do things for yourself, your family/friends, and to attract NEW and BETTER people in your lives. There is a 99.99% chance your ex won't care, no matter how far along you may be in life compared to their current SO's.

 

Honestly, some of you can be so vindictive.

[Sugarkane]

I've had an Ahole dumper contact me just to gloat, that his life was better without me. Yet that's ok? And from the dumper?!

[Stryker101]

If that was true he/she wouldn't feel the need to gloat.

 

And if it is true, he/she still took the time to let YOU know about it.

 

Insecurities run in all different forms.

[Brown-Eyez]

Been lurking this forum for a long time and it gets maddening to see many men/women wanting to somehow get "revenge" or "pay back" by currently, or one day for some, wanting to show their exes their new bodies, money, cars, etc.

 

Honestly, some of you can be so vindictive.

 

I don't think its about being vindictive

I think its about taking back control (even if its only in your head)

 

cuz being dumped is being REJECTED

and being rejected sucks

makes you feel worthless

 

and its a good feeling to show the person who thought you were worthless

that you are really very valuable!

...its just a mind game we play with ourselves

 

cuz of course, we were always valuable

even when we were dumped that didn't really go away!

[Stryker101]

Being dumped doesn't necessarily mean that person thought you were "worthless". You just weren't the right person for them.

[reddragon588]

Be successful for yourself. Improve yourself to make yourself happy. This is true whether you're trying to heal from a broken relationship or in a relationship still.

[Mario79]

But isnt that normal. It just those emotions still stirring within us that make us fantasize about the day when they may see us and be like "I should have known better", I think its normal, but it if helps you try something new, why not you may end up liking something, doing anything out of spite will not last long. Unless you are crazy obsessed.

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't think its about being vindictive

I think its about taking back control (even if its only in your head)

 

cuz being dumped is being REJECTED

and being rejected sucks

makes you feel worthless

 

and its a good feeling to show the person who thought you were worthless

that you are really very valuable!

...its just a mind game we play with ourselves

 

cuz of course, we were always valuable

even when we were dumped that didn't really go away!

 

No, going out of your way to show them anything just shows how much power they have and how little self-regard you have. You evolve and improve for yourself, not to show them. If they notice on their own, that's one thing, but sitting there saying "Look at me" cheapens the whole point of the process.

[travelonic]

So well said, Stryker101.

 

Stop trying to "win" the break up. It's pathetic.

 

And calling people pathetic for something that is naturally going to happen especially when going through a very painful time [for the one who wants to do the proving] isn't pathetic in of itself?

 

/stirringThePot.

[Ireallydontknow]

Who cares if it's pathetic? If it gets someone to change for the better let them do it! I mean, it's better than wallowing around?

[aybc123]

Yeah positive change is contagious, what starts out as the right thing for the wrong reasons 'ill show you approach' soon turns into just enjoying life again being happy on your own and growing as a person.

 

I do think trying to win the breakup is silly, but people do silly things, especially when they've just been terribly hurt by someone they love.

[reddragon588]

But isnt that normal. It just those emotions still stirring within us that make us fantasize about the day when they may see us and be like "I should have known better", I think its normal, but it if helps you try something new, why not you may end up liking something, doing anything out of spite will not last long. Unless you are crazy obsessed.

 

It's normal, but it's not healthy to continue on that path. You need to make changes for yourself and no one else, or else those changes won't become permanent. They will fade with your emotions.

[Wings Of Love]

I was in a similar mindset for a while - let him see how great you're doing and how good you look, that'll show him! - but eventually my need to protect myself outweighed my need to get his attention.

 

I've done everything in my power to hide myself from him now, and I feel better for it. I don't think it's vindictive though, I think it's more about making ourselves feel better. It doesn't work too well though, mostly the ex will just ignore it.

[toolforgrowth]

I'm very wary of anyone who says "You should do this" or "you shouldn't do that".

 

I personally have no desire to go out of my way to show an ex how awesome my life is post breakup. But if by random occurrence they happen to see that I look better, feel better, and am better off without them, I will take pleasure in that experience.

 

As always, your mileage may vary.