KentuckyGent Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Many have seen the story of my A with MW. Very, very LC in the past 8 months. Only a few times. Doing my best to move on with my life. All the sudden I find myself taking a step back to where I cant get her off my mind, even though it has been so many months. Not so sure I am ever going to completely move past her/this.
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Sometimes its not the person that we are necessarily thinking about, it is the situation or event. It can just be "us" trying to process something, something out of reach, not the person, about us, that time..what did we miss. 2
lilmisscantbewrong Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 It has been almost 4 years for me since dday and there isn't a day I don't think about him. It's not as bad as it used to be, but it's still there - in a pocket I don't talk about to anyone. It does get better but you will have set backs. Just try to occupy yourself with something else immediately. Working out helps a great deal. 2
Author KentuckyGent Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 I'm lamenting what we "had". . . . which was never actually real. Therein is the paradox.
jlola Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 It has been almost 4 years for me since dday and there isn't a day I don't think about him. It's not as bad as it used to be, but it's still there - in a pocket I don't talk about to anyone. It does get better but you will have set backs. Just try to occupy yourself with something else immediately. Working out helps a great deal. I have been there. I idealized a person that never was for years. Turned down really great guys in the meantime because my heart was with him. For me though, I was lucky. He and I got back together and this time, with maturity and emotional awareness I was able to see what he truly was. I saw him without the fantasy, without the rose colored glasses. Mr. Amazing had lots of holes in his character. His words and sometimes actions were sooooooo romantic. But in time, there were cracks. I am so over him now and i realize when something is not fully consummated and ends, you will always built fantasies in your head. i was lucky enough to get a dose of reality to mends that. This is why affairs will mess with so many heads. By the time they are broken up, you still live in fantasy since tie together was intermittent. The break-up always leaves you thinking they were so perfect for you and you are star crossed. No one can compete with that. It's like the movie Titanic. they saw the best f each other for a short while. But for the rest of her life, she pined for a man she really did not know. One that may not have been very compatible. Same with "Bridges of Madison County" pining for someone they really did not know till death. 4
HopingAgain Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I have been there. I idealized a person that never was for years. Turned down really great guys in the meantime because my heart was with him. For me though, I was lucky. He and I got back together and this time, with maturity and emotional awareness I was able to see what he truly was. I saw him without the fantasy, without the rose colored glasses. Mr. Amazing had lots of holes in his character. His words and sometimes actions were sooooooo romantic. But in time, there were cracks. I am so over him now and i realize when something is not fully consummated and ends, you will always built fantasies in your head. i was lucky enough to get a dose of reality to mends that. This is why affairs will mess with so many heads. By the time they are broken up, you still live in fantasy since tie together was intermittent. The break-up always leaves you thinking they were so perfect for you and you are star crossed. No one can compete with that. It's like the movie Titanic. they saw the best f each other for a short while. But for the rest of her life, she pined for a man she really did not know. One that may not have been very compatible. Same with "Bridges of Madison County" pining for someone they really did not know till death. I wish I could like this a thousand times! This is so true and exactly why so many people idealize affairs, because they never get to truly know the real person! 2
Ruffian1 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Yep. And why they don't seem to last if they do get together. 1
RickFox Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 what you're feeling is par for the course brother
LaceyFace Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 When or if mine comes to an end, I will never get over him. I do feel a very special connection unlike anything. I know for a fact, one day I might be able to move on. But he will always hold the most important part of my being.
oliviah Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Begged him to make it about sex (still would have been broken but not so much). He gave me his exit plan. Talked about many factors. I and very wary about who I give my heart to. Only one other in my life. I told him this and he told me not to worry. We had house, motorcycles, farm animals and magic planned. Not your usually affair but we were friends first for a very long time. I have resolved to he made the right choice for him and his family and some people go through their whole life knowing that the person was the one that they can never have. Sad.
whichwayisup Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Many have seen the story of my A with MW. Very, very LC in the past 8 months. Only a few times. Doing my best to move on with my life. All the sudden I find myself taking a step back to where I cant get her off my mind, even though it has been so many months. Not so sure I am ever going to completely move past her/this. Go read some articles on baggage reclaim. You will get past this as time goes on. You're going to have moments when you miss her. A scent, a song, a place, something will make you think of her and those feelings come rushing back. The key is, do your best to push the thoughts out of your head and not let yourself reminensce, remininsce, (damn I can't spell that word tonight) and miss her to the point she's in your head more than she should be. Distract, distract, distract! Staying still and thinking too much messes you up and makes you feel bad. Wanna feel better? Stop abusing yourself by having thoughts of her. It serves no purpose and only leads to pain. 2
Goodbye Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 As others have pointed out before, healing from a broken relationship is not necessarily a linear process. Even though you may have "relapsed" back into a period of idealizing the relationship, I suspect you probably spend less time dwelling on it than you did months ago. You are healing, just slowly. Little things will set you back. I know for me, the autumn air makes me fixate more on what I "thought" I had with exMM...but it will pass. And with each passing of such phases, they get less intense, and eventually less frequent. You'll get through it. You are getting through it. It is just taking more time than is comfortable. 1
psm04 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 As others have pointed out before, healing from a broken relationship is not necessarily a linear process. Even though you may have "relapsed" back into a period of idealizing the relationship, I suspect you probably spend less time dwelling on it than you did months ago. You are healing, just slowly. Little things will set you back. I know for me, the autumn air makes me fixate more on what I "thought" I had with exMM...but it will pass. And with each passing of such phases, they get less intense, and eventually less frequent. You'll get through it. You are getting through it. It is just taking more time than is comfortable. I just experienced this last night. I was watching something, and it reminded me of him because of a specific thing that we used to joke and laugh about three years ago (before the affair even started, but we still had feelings). I even thought to myself 'maybe I should bring it up tomorrow at work, since there is nothing inappropriate about this'. But I didn't, and the moment of lingering was still smaller than before. I reminisced and moved on. I feel happy about it, since I don't expect to completely forget him (that seems unrealistic)
Author KentuckyGent Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 As others have pointed out before, healing from a broken relationship is not necessarily a linear process. Even though you may have "relapsed" back into a period of idealizing the relationship, I suspect you probably spend less time dwelling on it than you did months ago. You are healing, just slowly. Little things will set you back. I know for me, the autumn air makes me fixate more on what I "thought" I had with exMM...but it will pass. And with each passing of such phases, they get less intense, and eventually less frequent. You'll get through it. You are getting through it. It is just taking more time than is comfortable. This time about 3 years ago is when we first met AND when I started chemotherapy. She was there for me during that time---we talked/texted almost every day, all day while I was in treatment. Maybe that's why this week has been hard.
Goodbye Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 This time about 3 years ago is when we first met AND when I started chemotherapy. She was there for me during that time---we talked/texted almost every day, all day while I was in treatment. Maybe that's why this week has been hard. KG, sounds like she helped you during a hard time. Sometimes it would be easier to write someone off if he/she was ALL bad, right?
Author KentuckyGent Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Well I came across a bunch of emails I'd sent and made the mistake of reading them. What a pathetic, needy, clingy idiot I was!
2sure Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Well I came across a bunch of emails I'd sent and made the mistake of reading them. What a pathetic, needy, clingy idiot I was! Seriously, what were you thinking! I read an email from my XH the serial cheater last night who I would have divorced ten times if they had allowed me to. And I found myself missing him . Just for a minute. But still. Get rid of anything you don't need as evidence in a court of law. That's my advice for pretty much everything. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Well I came across a bunch of emails I'd sent and made the mistake of reading them. What a pathetic, needy, clingy idiot I was! Yeah - that is rough when that happens. I finally got rid of everything written. Burned them or buried them. But I was cleaning out pictures about a month ago and came across pictures of xmom's kids and a photo of all of us on vacation together. That was a shock after almost 4 years and being sure everything was gone. I know I wouldn't want to read the emails I sent xmom now because I'm sure I sound the same way. Yikes.
RickFox Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I wrote a three page letter to xmw ...THANK GOD that I never sent it. I looked at it a while back and while my feelings were genuine I. sounded like a whiney needy hurt little byotch 1
Author KentuckyGent Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Yeah - that is rough when that happens. I finally got rid of everything written. Burned them or buried them. But I was cleaning out pictures about a month ago and came across pictures of xmom's kids and a photo of all of us on vacation together. That was a shock after almost 4 years and being sure everything was gone. I know I wouldn't want to read the emails I sent xmom now because I'm sure I sound the same way. Yikes. I sounded absolutely pitiful at the end. And she wasn't even really responding.
Author KentuckyGent Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 I wrote a three page letter to xmw ...THANK GOD that I never sent it. I looked at it a while back and while my feelings were genuine I. sounded like a whiney needy hurt little byotch Glad you didn't. Wish I hadn't. Your description sums it up. We're better than that.
RickFox Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Glad you didn't. Wish I hadn't. Your description sums it up. We're better than that. just don't ever do it again. I find having conversations with her in my head are far better and just as therapeutic 1
Author KentuckyGent Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 I can't shake this woman. I got over my divorce much easier than this. As well as every other LTR I've been in. This isn't healthy I know. But apparently IC isn't helping much.
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