alicia24 Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 So My boyfriend is fabulous. We have been together for about 8 months. Here is the issue. He has never actually told me to my face that he loves me. When i call him he'll say "hi my love, how are you". And then the other day we were talking about my brother and he was like "i bet he doesnt love you as much i do" and he text messages me telling me how much he loves me, but he has actually never come and said to me "Alicia, I love you". Is this normal? Do most guys do this. Keep in my it took us a while to get to this point. We both came from really effed up previous relationships and we took things very slow. Opinions please.
alphamale Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 from a man's perspective this it totally normal
Naive Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Have you told him you love him in person? If so, what did he say?
Pocky Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Sometimes people have a hard time actually saying those words directly to someone. Have you said it to him and if so did he respond?
Queen B Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Well it sounds like he tells you he loves you all the time, just not directly and a lot of guys are like that. I'd venture to say that's better than nothing and really sweet in it's own way...I'd rather a text message "I love you" everyday than one face to face "I love you" every couple of weeks. If you've both come from as you put it "F'd up relationships" then him telling you anything text message or face to face is a good sign give him some time. And some food for thought, do you ever say "I love you ________" to him, face to face?
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 It helps too, to find out what sort of importance/significance he puts on saying "I love you" - is it a heartfelt thing for him to say, or is it a loaded phrase meaning a lot more than just the words that put it together? You can't assume that because he isn't saying it directly, he isn't feeling it - but I understand why it would bother you. I expect in his case its more the associations he has with it that are bad (given his last relationship) rather than any lacking of feeling for you on his part. Looking into someone's eyes and saying "I love you" deeply and in a heartfelt way can really leave you vulnerable - maybe thats what it is that he is afraid of.
Author alicia24 Posted December 13, 2004 Author Posted December 13, 2004 thank you all so much. I did tell him in person that I loved him and he smiled and gave me this really great kiss. I could tell it was kind of an awkward situation for him and then it became an awkward situation for me as well. Being in love with me is a really huge deal for him because when we first started seeing each other he felt that he could never love again because he was so hurt from his daughter's mom. But thats a while other story. But thanks for the advice. I wasnt quite sure if this was normal. My ex used to tell me all the time that he loved me and then ended up effing me over really bad. So maybe this is real because the words arent just thrown around. THey actually have meaning. THanks everyone.
alphamale Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Originally posted by alicia24 So maybe this is real because the words arent just thrown around. THey actually have meaning. THanks everyone. My advice to everyone is to use the words "I love you" as infrequently as you can. The are very powerfull words and if you say them 3 times per day to someone their value declines. Use of this sentence "I love You" should be reserved for certain occasions and only when you really mean it. The less you utter them the more powerful their effect will be. Here is an analogy: If you're eating three gourmet quality meals per day than a gourmet meal has little or no value to you. Now, if you're eating fast food three times per day then a gourmet meal has great value.
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