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So after nearly 6 months I saw my ex

JDPT

By JDPT
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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Brief background not to bore you as I've bored myself plenty of times:I was dumped off a 4+ year relationship close to 6 months ago. As everyone would say I thought she was "it" and I would grow old with her but clearly it was time to improvise. She went NC immediately and a "great" job she did. I attempted one half hearted attempt to get her back and that was it for me. To this day I question why I "tried". Had my moments early in the breakup where I just wanted to be put out of my misery. However, with hard work I've made substantial progress. Fast forward to today. I had roughly a 2.5 hour break from work so I decided to run a few quick errands and stop by the library as I have midterms for my Masters program. As I'm driving back to work I see a car that looks very similar to her coming towards me on the other side of the road. Of course curiosity got the best of me and I decided to look toward it and sure enough it was her.

 

 

What surprised me the most was that I honestly didn't feel much when I saw her. I just felt a quick jolt inside, nothing of significance and that was it. I no longer saw her as the most gorgeous woman on this planet or this almighty goddes that I used to make her out to be. Honestly, it was more of a "oh it's her.....ok" and went about my business. I felt pretty good because that's the only emotion if you can even consider it an emotion I felt when I saw her. I cranked up the radio and started to sing the remainder I the way to work. I feel proud and I'm now starting to see that hard work does pay off. I'm nowhere near fully healed yet but every day, day in and day out I work very hard towards full recovery.

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Mariposa10 Established Member

Mariposa10

Posted
Posted

It makes me happy to read this post!!

 

The thought of running into my ex still makes me feel sick. I get all paranoid when I go to place when I know he has days off. But I know I just need to let time do its thing.

 

Keep up the good work :cool:

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hurts2death Established Member

hurts2death

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that means you have a nice healing....

 

 

did she noticed you?

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JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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that means you have a nice healing....

 

 

did she noticed you?

 

Absolutely-with a lot of hard work. Healing does not just occur with time, time is merely a factor. This is a ubiquitous misconception that I just can't subscribe to.

To be honest I have not contemplated the thought of whether she acknowledged me or not. I'm learning to prioritize things in life, putting ME first. I'm mostly stressed about my midterms coming up, now that's something worth stressing about, don't you think?

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JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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It makes me happy to read this post!!

 

The thought of running into my ex still makes me feel sick. I get all paranoid when I go to place when I know he has days off. But I know I just need to let time do its thing.

 

Keep up the good work :cool:

 

As long as you keep working on yourself and proactively contributing towards your recovery journey you will make significant progress.

hurts2death Established Member

hurts2death

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respect+

 

i mean if you feel as you say then you are there :)

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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Absolutely-with a lot of hard work. Healing does not just occur with time, time is merely a factor. This is a ubiquitous misconception that I just can't subscribe to.

To be honest I have not contemplated the thought of whether she acknowledged me or not. I'm learning to prioritize things in life, putting ME first. I'm mostly stressed about my midterms coming up, now that's something worth stressing about, don't you think?

 

I think you are right about time being merely a factor. If you lie in bed all day and constantly think of the ex for 10 years, you really haven't moved on. We all know people who are still hung up on people from years past. No one wants to be that person. One of my friends did grief counseling, in a group setting, after her husband died. There was a woman there whose husband had died 8 years ago.

 

You have to actually be proactive in processing the grief and continually put yourself first everyday. Keep on telling yourself that this is your new life. Do not think about the ex at all. Just don't even go there. No reliving the past. My turning point was asking myself, do I want to get up and endure this, or am I going to allow this to define myself in a negative way? I simply saw no other way than to keep going.

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JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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respect+

 

i mean if you feel as you say then you are there :)

 

Far from it, in retrospect these past almost 6 months have made me realize that I was subliminally unhappy and essentially anchored in a relationship that was doomed to fail from the beginning. Although I was in love, and possibly felt what love felt like for the first time in my life, what I lived with her was nothing more than a learning experience and clearly not to diminish what I lived with her which at some point felt magical, I need to nonetheless not sugarcoat the ***** and see things for what they really were.

 

I'm learning to recalibrate priorities, and now understand how I've neglected myself in these past 4+ years with her. I'm picking myself up now. I feel like I'm for the first time living, and not the crazy life I used to but rather a new phase in my life. I feel like a man, I feel like I need to take charge and take responsibility, be accountable and the only person I need to answer to at the end of the day is ME. I have so many plans which I'm working on at this point and for the first time feel like my life has purpose and meaning. I'm grateful for this past experience which has thought me to value myself as a human being and not take ***** from anyone. I'm stating to love and respect myself and essentially built a solid foundation and paving a better future.

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JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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I think you are right about time being merely a factor. If you lie in bed all day and constantly think of the ex for 10 years, you really haven't moved on. We all know people who are still hung up on people from years past. No one wants to be that person. One of my friends did grief counseling, in a group setting, after her husband died. There was a woman there whose husband had died 8 years ago.

 

You have to actually be proactive in processing the grief and continually put yourself first everyday. Keep on telling yourself that this is your new life. Do not think about the ex at all. Just don't even go there. No reliving the past. My turning point was asking myself, do I want to get up and endure this, or am I going to allow this to define myself in a negative way? I simply saw no other way than to keep going.

 

There is no way to do it but to do it. There is no way to get through it but to face it. And take charge of your life to proactively heal from emotional blows.

Trick1004 Member

Trick1004

Posted
Posted

JDPT,

 

Good for you. It's been five months for me and while I occasionally still think about the ex, I'm getting to the point of indifference towards her.

 

Reflecting back over the past five months, it's crazy to see the transition from the mess I was initially to where I am now. I'd lost sight of who I was and what I wanted but am starting to rediscover myself outside the r/s.

 

Been one hell of a learning experience.

 

Trick

  • Like 1
Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

Hi JDPT,

 

Glad you handled this so well. Not sure i would have. Only a matter of time before we pass on the street. Not looking forward to that day.

 

 

 

 

Brief background not to bore you as I've bored myself plenty of times:I was dumped off a 4+ year relationship close to 6 months ago. As everyone would say I thought she was "it" and I would grow old with her but clearly it was time to improvise. She went NC immediately and a "great" job she did. I attempted one half hearted attempt to get her back and that was it for me. To this day I question why I "tried". Had my moments early in the breakup where I just wanted to be put out of my misery. However, with hard work I've made substantial progress. Fast forward to today. I had roughly a 2.5 hour break from work so I decided to run a few quick errands and stop by the library as I have midterms for my Masters program. As I'm driving back to work I see a car that looks very similar to her coming towards me on the other side of the road. Of course curiosity got the best of me and I decided to look toward it and sure enough it was her.

 

 

What surprised me the most was that I honestly didn't feel much when I saw her. I just felt a quick jolt inside, nothing of significance and that was it. I no longer saw her as the most gorgeous woman on this planet or this almighty goddes that I used to make her out to be. Honestly, it was more of a "oh it's her.....ok" and went about my business. I felt pretty good because that's the only emotion if you can even consider it an emotion I felt when I saw her. I cranked up the radio and started to sing the remainder I the way to work. I feel proud and I'm now starting to see that hard work does pay off. I'm nowhere near fully healed yet but every day, day in and day out I work very hard towards full recovery.

  • Like 1
Mz_sassy_77 Established Member

Mz_sassy_77

Posted
Posted
JDPT,

 

Good for you. It's been five months for me and while I occasionally still think about the ex, I'm getting to the point of indifference towards her.

 

Reflecting back over the past five months, it's crazy to see the transition from the mess I was initially to where I am now. I'd lost sight of who I was and what I wanted but am starting to rediscover myself outside the r/s.

 

Been one hell of a learning experience.

 

Trick

 

For me too. I will never stop doing the things I enjoy for someone else again. And I will never not be myself again just to be half of a couple.

 

Pretty good learning experience.

  • Like 3
Lizrd3000 Established Member

Lizrd3000

Posted
Posted
Far from it, in retrospect these past almost 6 months have made me realize that I was subliminally unhappy and essentially anchored in a relationship that was doomed to fail from the beginning. Although I was in love, and possibly felt what love felt like for the first time in my life, what I lived with her was nothing more than a learning experience and clearly not to diminish what I lived with her which at some point felt magical, I need to nonetheless not sugarcoat the ***** and see things for what they really were.

 

I'm learning to recalibrate priorities, and now understand how I've neglected myself in these past 4+ years with her. I'm picking myself up now. I feel like I'm for the first time living, and not the crazy life I used to but rather a new phase in my life. I feel like a man, I feel like I need to take charge and take responsibility, be accountable and the only person I need to answer to at the end of the day is ME. I have so many plans which I'm working on at this point and for the first time feel like my life has purpose and meaning. I'm grateful for this past experience which has thought me to value myself as a human being and not take ***** from anyone. I'm stating to love and respect myself and essentially built a solid foundation and paving a better future.

You basically explained how I'm thinking & feeling at this point, everything you've said I couldn't have said it any better.

 

Glad to see I'm not the only one in this! Hope you continue this awesome road! :)

 

I bet you miss this girl as much as I miss mine, but knowing it's for the best.

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JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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I certainly have come a long way and that's something that can't go without being said. I recall the first 2.5-3 months were hell on earth. I like many others used to question myself, "will this eventually subside and become manageable?" My solitary mind kept playing tricks on me continuously draining the life out of me steadily. I too felt that I was only spinning my wheels in therapy but my subconscious kept telling me to keep going. I used to torture myself saying "I will never find anyone like her, she was perfect, she was it, we were supposed to grow old together!" I thought I was losing it.

 

In time I started to sort myself out. I accepted the fact that there was no turning back and that it didn't have to be perfect and take it a day at a time. With help from family my therapist and ultimately taking the initiative and making the conscious decision to not remain stagnant in time, I decided to take charge or my life. It wasn't easy to say the least and at times even to this day my mind wonders but it's as I'm now a giant stepping on a bug the bug being the lingering thoughts. I've learned to manage my life and make this mess work in my favor. I'll be honest and say that I like my life much better the way it is now, free and clear. I don't dwell on the past or the what ifs. I focus on me and on today and keep moving forward full force.

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