PennGuy Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Let me start by saying that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It may not seem like it now, but through self reflection and time, that distant light will begin to shine. It's been over a year since my relationship of three years ended. Ironically, it ended on what should've been our third anniversary. It's funny how life works out. I'm sure the date will always stick with me. It's tragically funny now. It wasn't then. I remember the bewilderment of that day. I remember the horrible pain and anxiety that followed. That lonely month spent living with mom and dad again until I could find a place I liked. I remember getting my things out of our apartment a little at a time and seeing that a few more pictures of us had come off the walls each visit. I would walk into the bedroom and lay on my side of the bed and cry for a few minutes at the realization that I would never sleep here again. I would pet her dog that I grew so attached to and tell him how sorry I was that I was leaving. I hated going there. Love didn't live there anymore. It was a place frozen in time. It was still my home. There were still some pictures of us on the wall. I wished I could get everything out in one fell swoop, but my work schedule didn't allow for it. I had all my belongings out within a month and was in my own place. A new lease was drafted with only her name on it and that was that. It still makes me sad to think about that first month, but I am sad at my own sadness. It's like watching a different person struggle now. There's moments when I still miss her, but I've come to accept that that's how it will be, at least for a while. She had such a profound impact on my life and it was my most serious and adult relationship to that point. It's ok for her to still have a piece of me as I am almost sure that I will always have piece of her She's gone and has been for some time. I let go of the delusion of her coming back within a month or two of me being on my own. How would it work? There was too much changed. I was on my own lease. I had bought many things I needed. Would I move back in with her or would she move with me? Would it last the second time around or I would I always have an anxious side waiting for her to leave again if I wasn't perfect? Would anything really change? You all will survive this experience. I took my lumps in stride and came out clean on the other side. I kept my dignity and didn't tarnish my image in the eyes of her, or friends, and family. I'm very very proud of myself for just walking away. I had a few moments very early in the breakup, but I quickly realized the futility of my efforts. There's no way I can change how someone feels. All of you will be ok. Some of you will stumble along the way and have moments of weakness, but you will each reach the end of your journey all in your own time. 10
AnnaAnna Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Thank you for posting that. Glad you're moving on with your life and are doing good.
Nyclovin Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Beautifully written . Touched my thoughts and soul .
avacado Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 It's like watching a different person struggle now. That's what I'm hoping for. To evolve to a point where it was a different person who struggled so damn much. I'm 10 months out and it still hurts so much, but I can't wait to eventually write a post like yours. 1
Polak Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 That was excellent. Beautifully written and intriguing to read.
RespectfullyAlone Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I have no intention of being a kill joy for your own progress, but when you say that all of us will be ok... that's not true. Some will be, some won't. That's the truth and reality. At least you didn't say a line that now enrages me to no end... "it will happen when you least expect it". Thank you for not saying that, as it's the most absurb thing in the world of relationships and love. We are all looking for love, even when licking our wounds. The only time we aren't looking for it, or feeling that desire in our hearts is when we are with someone who is so special, we have no desire to look at anyone else again. We are taken, happy, satisifed beyond words.
Frank13 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 The only time we aren't looking for it, or feeling that desire in our hearts is when we are with someone who is so special, we have no desire to look at anyone else again. We are taken, happy, satisifed beyond words. Until it ends. There comes a point where you eventually give up. Everyone should get use to being alone because that is how they will end up.
RespectfullyAlone Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Until it ends. There comes a point where you eventually give up. Everyone should get use to being alone because that is how they will end up. I feel that very much at the moment. I will end up alone. That's why the hope and desire for the ex to come back is still so strong I think. As I know if she doesn't, I'll grow old, alone... having not had the chance to have a family or spend a life with a partner.
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