beejsea2 Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 As many of you know from my original post my ex up and left me when I was at work. I never thought I'd get to the point that I'd feel okay about being alone again. This place has been a wonderful source of help, my family, friends and my therapist. I see many people on here posting, are at where I was about 2 months ago...for those of you just going through the grieving process the new break-up...trust me it does get better!! I can at least sleep the entire night and he's no longer the first thing on my mind in the morning!! I still don't have an appetite which is okay...ok one exception...I've lost 40 lbs and my clothes are hanging on me!! I've decided that it's a good start to continue eating right...where I work since the first of Dec people bring treats every day and I have yet to venture to par-take in any of the treats!! YEAH FOR ME!! I still don't have the answers and frankly I'll probably never get them. If I hear from him I guess I hear from him but I no longer check my messages constantly!! I've only heard from him once and it made me question who that man was...my GF told me last night she thinks I'll hear from him again because he'll eventually know how good it was for him with me...my response was I'll never hear from him again and it's finally okay with me!! I know that there will be days that there are bumps in the road...the up coming Holidays, my birthday...I know that there will be moments that I feel weak and lonely again but in the long run all of this is making me a stronger person!! Stay strong people and post when you're feeling lonely, sad or just need a pick me up because there are alot of people on this site, that have been there, done that, and are willing to help!
MissingHerBad Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 I wish I could say the same. I dont know if its the breakup or my depressing reality. This is probably way beyond these forums anymore. I have cried now everday for almost 90 days. I am getting angry and violent towards myself and having angry thoughts towards my ex's new boyfriend who she has fallen madly in love with. Im looking for something more in the world and I dont think that I will ever find it... Im losing it and theres nothing that any doctor, mdications, friends or family can do.
Author beejsea2 Posted December 13, 2004 Author Posted December 13, 2004 Missing Her Bad, Have you meet with a counselor to talk about your issues. Even if you have and things didn't go well try and find another one because I feel that you can use their assistance. Sometimes you have to find the right fit when it comes to counselors too. I feel you pain but you need to try and find help so you can move on!! I found that the more I talked about it the better it was for me...please don't give up!!
MissingHerBad Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Thankyou, I appreciate your advice however I feel like I can no longer be helped. My depression has gotten quit serious. I have seen a councillor and 2 phsycologists as well as my family doctor. I have medication, friends talking to me (or whats left of them) and nothing is helping. Im wondering if I can even be helped...
Author beejsea2 Posted December 14, 2004 Author Posted December 14, 2004 You can be helped...you just need to want the help. Sometimes it's when we are ready to move forward, when we're ready to let go of the past. I ache for you because no one should make you feel so horrible. Please continue trying to take care of yourself!!
NiCoLe20 Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 aww... missingherbad.... i really cant give you advice on how your feeling and tell you what to do...but i could tell you what you should do...if that makes sense... you gotta realize that this is life and shi*t happens...i wish i could get back with one of my ex's but he's moved on and has been w/ this new girl for 2 yrs... it sucks and i hate it and them, but i had to let go... this happens to soo many other people out there so u gotta think of it as your not the only one ya kno? i stopped thinking about him and a few months later i met someone new... this will eventually happen ...but u dont know when... when u stop looking thats when u find somebody... just concentrate on urself for now..have fun...life is too short to be crying over someone thats not even worth your tears... its time to move on...forget about her-if she cared so much she'd come back...u gotta accept the situation for what it is and start a new chapter in ur life....damn i said all that pretty good...but its true...good luck bro!!!
Author beejsea2 Posted December 14, 2004 Author Posted December 14, 2004 Missing Her Bad Keep posting here, but please don't give up on yourself. Two months ago I didn't think I could make it through one day but now I'm going on two months!! I know that I'm a good person and some day someone is going to be lucky to have me I know it seems hard right now but let me know how I can help you!
MissingHerBad Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 I THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH. Its alot in part to you guys that I have survived this. Just a note as well...My life doesnt just consist of this girl. It consists of my thoughts on the world, the worlds condition and how life is a bitch. A little story, last week after one of my breakdowns I got huge amounts of ambition back in myself to find compassion in the world. I knew that the only way I could find a true steady flow of compassion (which everyone should have) is to talk to your family (sometimes not a option or it just doesnt help) or I could start a charity. SO HERE IT IS... I have started a charity and calls have been pouring in. Due to the fact that Im in the entertainment industry alot of people have reached out to donate services. This is monumental as I am only 22 years old. I have formed a board of director. Two individuals in Calgary, Alberta and two in Vancouver, BC, both being serviced for the 2005/2006 winter. Beleive it or not we have already raised over $6000 in under a week and we dont even have our website up. I will let everyone know when it is fully operational, who knows maybe one day you will see a commercial for it . For anyone else out there that thinks...ooh great and just have a downed broken heart like myself, go check out lavalife. Its not hurting and there are so many people on it hurting just like you looking for something more. I can say that I am alright thismorning however yesterday morning was the closest I have come to being admitted to the hospital for mental conditions. I used to be a normal guy but it seems that the past was very shallow and unfullfilling for me. Sometimes it feels like no one can help me, Ive gone to the doctors, I excersise, I eat, I take the pills, I talk to people, I start charities ... lol, and nothing works. Im hanging in and will continue to update my story until I can finally leave saying to everyone...I am ok now. THANKYOU
Author beejsea2 Posted December 14, 2004 Author Posted December 14, 2004 I'm so glad to hear that you're doing better today!! I know that it hurts being the person left behind...now you can take charge and you're empowered to do good!! I hate the people that can just walk away and not think twice about the person that they left behind...but I believe in Karma what comes around goes around so someday they will get theirs!! I can almost feel your positive energy from your post. Keep up the good work!!
bebop Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Excellent. I grew up amongst some serious old-fashioned old-timers, okay, and here were their little Rules of Life When Bad Things Happen (and when they don't), which still hold true in today's world: 1. Keep busy. 2. Work at something you love. (paid or not) 3. Give of yourself to the world in some way.
MissingHerBad Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Originally posted by beejsea2 I'm so glad to hear that you're doing better today!! I know that it hurts being the person left behind...now you can take charge and you're empowered to do good!! I hate the people that can just walk away and not think twice about the person that they left behind...but I believe in Karma what comes around goes around so someday they will get theirs!! I can almost feel your positive energy from your post. Keep up the good work!! Thanks, yea the energy from that post was intense. I beleive in Karma to. People that turn there backs have had backs turned on them and I guess that is ****ty for them but they should learn not to do it to others especially when there is such emotion.
GreenCap Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 It has been somewhat comforting to see that writing your feelings down and sharing them with kindred spirits do eventually help save a broken soul and heart. It is close to 90 days myself since my ex dumped me with a whole bunch of excuses that made no sense. Until today, I learnt that she found a new beginning (read new guy) and wants to move on with her life. This leaves more unanswered questions as to whether she already had this guy in mind when we were still living together. I have been torturing myself all this time reflecting if I did this better or treated her better etc., she wouldn't have left. Until today, I realize that you cannot make somebody love you. Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me" is my theme song for now. I too want to place a curse on her, beat up her guy, make her regret her decision etc., but I realized that once she left my door, her life should no longer be a concern of mine - whether she is happy, sad, depressed - but I still love her. While I did not contemplate ending it all, I felt empty and lonely with no future in sight. But that would be a waste to sacrifice one's future for someone who didn't treasure or deserve it! She was best bestfriend, lover, and family as we both from away. And I was going to proposed this holiday season - I now understand why the holiday season has the highest number of suicides. But ultimately, we have to find, no, engineer our own happiness. I am not sure if I am making sense for this rambling is much for me as well as for discussion. I don't know when I will be completely over her but I will try day by day, one step at a time - for tomorrow is another day.
MissingHerBad Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Well said. The best things I have found while dealing with all this is the rambling. Im in a very similar situation as you however I didnt live with her. Whatever, karma will get her and if she jumped from me to him she probably jumped from another guy to me and will probably again jump from her 'love' now to another....same with yours. Maybe that just what these girls are like, who knows. So many unanswered mysteries...
Sukotto Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 A serial monogamist, someone who gets a partner and as soon as the spark is gone jumps to the next one rather than making a relationship work. These are the people who end up lonely in their mid 40's with no meaningful relationships under their belts. If your partner left on good terms and it was because she thought there were greener pastures out there then they will be back in your life at some point, they'll find it hard to find someone who treats them like you did. Don't close the door on your ex but again dont sit waiting for them. What is your charity going to be doing btw?
GreenCap Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 There was this guy in ancient China who said know your enemy and know yourself, and you will taste the victories of a hundred battles. I know her - she's not coming back serial monogamist or not. Which is rather sad as I would have hoped that she would want to work things out. When she left, I told her I understand why needs to move out and even agreed that a certain time apart would give us a clearer mind to cool down. She took this cooling off period to find another bloke - probably someone more established and older. Who knows! I try not to care but I do - as one of the topic discussion said - How Do You Stop Loving Someone? People keep telling me that she will regret her decision and come back etc. And this is what I am fearful of (two parter): (1) That I myself can't move on coz I long for her return (2) And even if she came back, do I dare take her back knowing that at the back of my mind, she will pull something like this again. [background: We had broken up once and I managed to patch things up. But I don't know whether I will be able to survive another breakup with her] And this brings up the sad part. I know she is the love of my life - we complement each other so well and we have, sorry, had fun together and share similar interests (although not necessarily common). So being once bitten twice shy, do I forgo the love of my life and settle with someone stable? I know her, so she's not coming back but I don't know myself for I planned my life around her always thinking for two when she only thought of one: herself. But now I don't know myself. That I think is the fearful part - the part of being alone. Who knew when she left, she took not only my heart and soul but my self-esteem aswell.
SpaceCoyote Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 A second breakup is tough. When I am thinking sanely (which comes and goes), I wonder if that would be the result if my ex took me back. Someone in another thread said it well, that if you are to get back together, it has to be because you both believe truly it to have been a mistake and wrong to have broken up the first time. But you are dooming yourself if you get back together simply because the person who left missed the other person and some good times they once had. Because then the underlying issues are still there and will come back eventually. I know she is the love of my life - we complement each other so well and we have, sorry, had fun together and share similar interests (although not necessarily common). So being once bitten twice shy, do I forgo the love of my life and settle with someone stable? People are telling me (and I haven't decided whether to believe this yet or think that they are just trying to make me feel better) that there doesn't have to be a singular "love of your life." Contrary to what movies say, there isn't just one person out there meant to be for you. This was one person you loved very deeply but as you go through life, you will meet other who you can love just as much if not more. So you don't have to "settle." You find someone who loves you just as much as you love them.... AND wants to be with you. That I think is the fearful part - the part of being alone. Who knew when she left, she took not only my heart and soul but my self-esteem aswell. Greencap, everytime you post something, I feel as though I should shake your hand. This could easily have come out of my mouth. I know your fear. I fear that even after I have put the pieces of myself and my life back together, there will still be a part missing - the part that I gave her and she took with her when she left. And the fear that she crushed me so much that I will never become close to anyone, at least as much as I was her.
bebop Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Not at all. The Exact Reverse happens - one is so much more of a person because of their experiences that they bring much, much more to the later relationship with someone else.
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