cottom Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 She was with a kid from aged 14-16, he had numerous heart transplants and died in August 2010. Theyd been on and off for the 2 years, even so that a month before he died she left him for a week and lost her virginity to someone else, which just makes me think they weren't serious at all. She then met another kid a month after in September 2010 and stayed with him until December 2012. The thing is i feel she is still hung up on the dead kid. Now this dead kid was a real no hoper, had no qualifications, thought of himself as a "gangster" in which he would just hang around on the streets everyday drinking and smoking weed. I keep finding pictures posted by my gf during her relationship with her ex saying how much she misses him and stuff, i found a picture from last year she wrote how much she loves him on it. While she had been with another boy for coming up to 2 years. Ive been with her half a year and during the first month we were together i found she still had pictures of the two of them up in her room. Which i demanded be taken down out of respect for me. A few weeks ago she shared a picture on facebook saying "rip i love you so much you will always be the one for me, i always cry over you" etc. The thing is this was posted while i was away on business with no internet access, i managed to get a little wifi and saw that, by the time i was home a week later she had taken it off. She talks about spending her life with me and stuff and i just feel im second rate to some crackhead no hoper that she was with on and off when they were kids. I feel like its me being obsessed with my ex that i was with when i was 16. Still going and sitting outside her house crying, sharing pictures how much i miss her and wishing i was with her still. Only difference shes alive. Is this normal? 3 years on, her 3rd bf later, still wanting an ex that she was with when 14 on and off that was a complete waste.
GorillaTheater Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 How old are the two of you? She sounds like she's still basically a kid, and you're significantly older. She's romantisizing a dead guy. Nothing too unusual about that. It's not terribly healthy, but arguing against her feelings on the subject isn't going to be terribly productive, either. In fact, it may well be counter-productive. Let her process it in her own time and maturity level. Deal with it or move on.
youaremysunshine Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 The loss of a person close to you at that age is very traumatic. If he had lived, she might be over him but the intense emotion any one would feel at the death of a former boyfriend is still fresh. Looking a pictures and commenting on them, talking about him, these are normal and healthily ways to grieve. In time her sadness will fade. In the mean time no need to feel jealous or judge the way he lived, putting him down will only upset her. Obviously he is not a threat to your relationship now. 1
Author cottom Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 Im 21, she is 19. I dont feel he is a threat, i just feel like she is romanticizing him and making him seem a lot better in her head than he was. Because he isnt here to prove her wrong that he wasnt anything she will continue to big him up until he is perfect and i am nothing compared. In comparison though im 21, just graduated and already have a high end job with the government on a lot of money, with this we both travel the world, i give her a perfect relationship and in terms of looks i constantly have girls attention and completely par them off for this gf so she knows that she has someone attractive that wants her. Ex gfs keep coming to me saying they never met a guy as perfect as me and wish we had another chance cause no-one gave them what i did. But i feel still she has given this kid a pedestal, forgetting exactly what he was like. Compare that to her last ex who pushed her over and she goes on about how he beat her up and hates him so much. I feel unloved and second best to a kid that people that knew him and her tell me to leave her purely based on what kind of person she was with, and that she has no hope in life either.
CptSaveAho Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 then breakup with her you arent doing her any favors by being with her when shes not over an ex
Zahara Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Cottom, is this the girl that made a claim that she was raped some months ago by some guy she went out to have a drink with, then you posted another thread that she was kissing other guy(s) at a club a couple of months ago. And now another thread that she's still going on about a deceased ex. This girl has a lot of going on in her head. I don't even think she's emotionally healthy for a relationship. You have to start asking yourself if this sort of volatility is worth carrying on your relationship with her. It doesn't sound very stable or healthy for you.
Philosoraptor Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Man, you got to cut the cord here. She's been rebounding and avoiding coming to terms with the death of her previous ex. Who cares what you judge him as? She isn't over him or over the loss. If you leave her, she will cling to the next person in order to have a warm body to hold her. She is damaged and you can't fix her. If you want to do the best for yourself, end this relationship and find someone who is emotionally available. Drop the comparisons as well, as your opinon of how you stack up to this dead ex do not match how she sees it.
Shepp Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 But i feel still she has given this kid a pedestal, forgetting exactly what he was like That's not because he was her ex, that's because he died. Most people do that, only remember the good bits. My gf lost her mum when she was quite young, theres been times in the past where shes freaked out about how she always ****'s up, how her mum wouldn't be proud of her etc etc, I never met her mum and im sure she was a great person but im also sure that my gfs insecurity is unfounded, im sure if her mum was here she'd tell her that everyone makes mistakes her included. But she isn't and she cant, and at the end of the day no one elses word will do, my gf was young, and logic will always be overridden because she loved her mum and looked up to her and will always put her on this unachievable pedestal. That's just what people do! Its human nature! My brother almost died when I was 13, he was my hero, if he had of I know id fantasize him now, put him on a pedestal.......but he didn't - I still look up to him, still ask him for advice, still know that he's an amazing guy, but I also know he cant do more than 8 keepie upies, that his jokes are awful, that he over thinks stuff, that he's human - and not perfect! He's still my hero, i'd still give my life for him, but I don't put him on this unachievable pedestal.
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