Should I be upset with him?! Keen to hear your opinions!

[melina]

Now this is not the most spectacular post ever on this forum but yet ..... I'll ask my question anyhow.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and generally get on really well! We throw two to three big dinner parties a year which are usually a big success.

 

The way it goes is that I literally prepare and cook all the food and as I'm a perfectionist it means that I will be standing in the kitchen for about 9 hours before people arrive. (for the record: I love doing it).

 

My boyfriend is great at chosing lovely wine and planning cocktails and most of all helps me a lot with chopping vegetables and stuff but I do the cooking (from starters to dessert) and table decorations etc.

 

I am usually ready when the guests arrive so can enjoy time with them as everything is usually under control. So, I don't need to run back to the kitchen every 2 minutes which I think is the only way to have a peaceful dinner party.

 

My boyfriend on the other hand sits in the kitchen all the time once the people arrive being all "busy". I never really understand what he is doing to my food but he changes the moment people walk in!

 

As we always invite new people; this always results in the people saying to me: " I can't believe your boyfriend (let's call him Jack) made all this food! This is amazing". And they keep complementing him. The crown of the evening is usually when he tries to flambé my dessert and makes everyone watch! (he tends to get a bit drunk, too)

 

I know that my thread is extremely childish but it really does bug me a lot! Now, I don't think that he tells people he made it all on his own but the way he's acting just indicates that it is all his, whereas I am sitting at the table talking to people and entertaining them while he is acting busy and showy!

 

It really pisses me off when people tell me what an amazing boyfriend I have who seems to be a great chef. And I wonder how can anyone assume that just from his behaviour? I would just love it if for once (as in normal relationships) if people at the end of it all thanked us for a lovely evening and if my boyfriend said: "thank my girlfriend, she did most the work". But he takes it all in and doesn't understand why I'm a bit moody afterwards". I mean this time two girls even asked him how he made that dessert when the plates had a lovely decoration on them and from a guy's perspective were probably absolutely gay!! So how could they ask HIM how he made the dessert!? So pissed off :-(

 

Girls and boys out there. Tell me what you think. Am I being childish and silly?

 

Thank you!

[Adunaphel]

I don't think you are being childish at all.

*your boyfriend* is!!!

 

He should tell people that you did most of the cooking instead of just enjoying all the compliments! I'd be ashamed to let someone tell me what a great cook I am if I knew that my boyfriend did most of the cooking(almost all the cooking)!

 

What I don't really get is why when someone tells you this

what an amazing boyfriend I have who seems to be a great chef

you don't just laugh and say "hey, actually it was me who spent 9 hours doing all the cooking, he set his foot in the kitchen only after you guys arrived so that he'd look busy and the perfect host!".

 

Ask your bf that he gives you the credit for cooking instead of taking compliments he does not deserve!!!

 

If he won't, next time you throw a dinner party let him get the compliments and then find a nice way to let everyone know that it was *you* who spent the whole day in the kitchen.

Point out to people that he is acting like he is the chef but it was you the one who cooked.... sait it in a nice, jokingly way, but make sure that your guests get the message.

 

I don't think it would be difficult....there are many ways you could do that, you could say that you are very grateful to him for replacing you in the kitchen when people started arriving....

 

"he is so nice, he knows I spent all day cooking so he doesn't want me to lift a finger at least now that the party has actually started"

 

The other option is: next dinner you'll be having, let him do *everything*.

[melina]

Thanks Adunapel!

 

I agree with you! Next time I'll make things clear. After all, it hasn't happened the first time!

[lilian]

that would really make me upset! How can your boyfriend be so selfish and take in all the compliments? Have you talked to him about it?

[Pocky]

Have you told you boyfriend how his behavior is perceived and how it makes you feel?

[Dakini]

The thing I've noticed with guys - well, ok, just my ex really, but I think this might apply to many men - is that they really think they do alot. They have no idea how much work we females do, and then when they do a few hours worth of work they think they are AMAZING and SO DESERVING of praise. It could be that he thinks he has indeed done alot of work.

 

Please keep us posted. I would be interested to hear his responses.

[Bubbles]

Tee, hee, heeeee plan another dinner party and leave for the day. Tell him that you'll be back later on that day and tell him to be sure to get everything done in time because you won't be home until it's time to shower!

 

Let's see how well he fairs in the kitchen then?

 

 

Heather.