ilovedemhotrides Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Very quick background: I was dating her for 6 years. Since the summer going into 9th grade. We fought about stupid stuff mainly just dumb fights. Jealousy was a big part of it, on both sides. I used to talk to girls, and wasn't the best boyfriend, but also it was high school and I was a guy... We were each others first for everything, and still are. Have never done anything with another guy/girl. Broke up about 5 months ago, still were friends. I really changed into a genuinely nice guy. Holding the door, compliments, etc... Literally a great guy ( no i am not exaggerating, I really changed because she meant the world to me). She noticed I changed but just doesn't like me anymore. So what do I do ? Keep on trying. So we are on good terms, hang out , text, snap chat. Basically dating except nothing physical because she doesn't see me like that or anyone for that matter. No, she is not just saying that to make me feel better, she never looked at other guys or girls, and I always thought she was lying, but she really doesn't like other people or find them attractive, she always finds something wrong with someone. Anyways we were on good terms. I basically told her im gonna go low key for awhile, because i've been stressed with everything, and I just can't take the stress with her, school, car etc.... This was yesterday, and I just haven't texted her. I was in the mindset to better myself, and work on what I had before ( confidence, muscles etc... ) in hopes to work on things with us. My friend just informed me that she was talking a lot of bad stuff about me at a surprise party for my friend on Friday. I sent her flowers on Thursday, and one of the girls knew about it and I guess said awh did you like the flowers when they had "girl talk" and she told her along with the other girls that it was embarrasing and her mom saw them or something. Which is just completely rude. We are 21 years old. I knew her family very well, and she obviously knew it would get back to me. Like I just don't get why. I don't even want to work stuff out at the moment. I am mad, but more than that hurt. I could see talking crap about me if I was being a dick to you, but i have not done one wrong thing and literally do the sweetest things for her. i just don't get it. She was the person I could tell my every secret to , the darkest ones. And for her to say it was embarrassing really hits down low to my ego. And quite frankly makes her look bad as well... I am in the mindset right now to just move on, and heal. But honestly she is not the girl that I knew, she has changed for the worse, and I have changed for the better. I didn't know she could be such a mean person to me, but i guess I was wrong. I just don't get it. I have wasted 5 months trying to be the perfect person, give her space, but when we see eachother make it count, give her massages when she wants etc... Like i feel like she kinda leaded me on because if I was completely done with someone I wouldn't have them sleep in the same bed ( even though NOTHING ) was done, or have them give me masages. Obvioulsy she doesn't hate me because we hang out, or did. But I guess this is kinda a vent/ get advice. I got this ebook about getting your X back for when I wanted to yesterday, and basically it said he who cares the least controlls the relationship. it actually makes sense, but now i genuinly just don't want to talk to her/ know what she's doing. I deleted my facebook so i would haveno way of seeing what she's up to. i have deleted instagram/twitter, and all pictures of her / her dog/ our cat/ etc... I know people change, because I have, and she has. But she has just been more cold hearted lately.. The only thing she has done "good" is she doesn't surround herself around other guys. Because she really just doens't like them. Which is good because it's one less thing to worry about. I just don't get it. How we rode down to the party together and she talks **** about me when i am outside for a few mintues. I am sure the story got twisted a bit, but still at the end of the day it was said that it was embarrasing, and makes me look bad/ and her. Ugh.... Frustrated/confused/ angry/ and annoyed pretty much sum it up.
Author ilovedemhotrides Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 no one has anything to say? both of my threads I've made no one replies to =/
Shashasha Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Sounds to me like you need to stop having any contact with her. She clearly doesnt see or appreciate the things you do for and she insulted you.that's not very nice. You deserve someone better since you mentioned you were willing to change for her. Take comfort in the fact that you did all you could to make her happy and she just isnt the one. She clearly needs to grow the hell up and you need to move on. Hard but easier for you in the long run. This 'relationship' with her is a huge huge waste of time.
Author ilovedemhotrides Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 Sounds to me like you need to stop having any contact with her. She clearly doesnt see or appreciate the things you do for and she insulted you.that's not very nice. You deserve someone better since you mentioned you were willing to change for her. Take comfort in the fact that you did all you could to make her happy and she just isnt the one. She clearly needs to grow the hell up and you need to move on. Hard but easier for you in the long run. This 'relationship' with her is a huge huge waste of time. I get what your saying. For the past 5 months, we have remained friends. I don't know how exactly it came out at the party, but could have been said in a different tone. I didn't hear the full story. Anyways I feel like right now I just don't want to talk to her for awhile. Like I said we started dating at 13-14, and all the way up to 21. Never have done anything with anyone else. We lived together for about 3 months, and then we broke up 5 months ago. We have talked about getting married/ having kids together in the past, and even when we were broken up. It's odd because most people would think we have been dating, because everything we do shows us dating. She just does not want anything physical. She said she doesn't feel an emotional connection. I know when we first started dating I was an alpha male, and over time I have become more soft. I think the whole thing isn't fazing her much is because I am always the one who is right by her side. She lost her sister a few years back, and that is the hardest thing anyone has to go through. I think that emotionally drained her, and since that time she has not felt many emotions. I don't know if that plays a part in this, but I am sure it does, because she is naturally better at coping with pain. Losing your sister when she was only 20, so that deffinately hurts. At this time my goal for myself is to get over her completely, and want her to come back to me. She is used to us hanging out at least once a week, texting daily, snap chatting etc... Like we honestly do everything a couple would do. So I just don't get it. Maybe it will hit her hard. At first she may be fine with it, but I think it will click for her. In the mean time, it will give me time to heal. I have nothing else to lose. I have honestly been the perfect boyfriend for the past 5 months, and I am growing sick of putting in so much effort with nothing in return. The thing that scares me is that she is not just unnactracted from me, but from everyone. She finds people repulsive, and has told me that she is physically attracted to me. I work out, and have a good body. She is just emotionally not attracted to me from years of just not getting a long. A lot of it had to do with her being a lot more mature than me, but I have grown up over the past 6 months, and we are on the same page. Anyways I want this time to really evolve, and her come back to me. I will then have a choice if I want her back.
Author ilovedemhotrides Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 Sounds to me like you need to stop having any contact with her. She clearly doesnt see or appreciate the things you do for and she insulted you.that's not very nice. You deserve someone better since you mentioned you were willing to change for her. Take comfort in the fact that you did all you could to make her happy and she just isnt the one. She clearly needs to grow the hell up and you need to move on. Hard but easier for you in the long run. This 'relationship' with her is a huge huge waste of time. Not only have I told her I was going to change. I showed her. Anyone can say something. But i actually put her first. When I go to her appt to see our cat (which we got together one week before she told me to leave) I bring her her favorite candy. I pay for the food most of the time. I pay for the movies, etc. I read this ebook, and basically i think she does not appreciate it because she has it 24/7. She has me whenever she wants, I am readily available to her. I am there when she is bored, and wants to text. She just doesn't really get it , and i didn't either. I think by distancing myself from her for awhile it might "install the fear of loss". I have been the best for 5 months, no major messups. always there. readily available. so now it's time to try a different approach, and maybe this one will not only draw her into me, but also heal me and get my alpha male status back ,which she was originally attracted to.
aybc123 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 basically it said he who cares the least controlls the relationship. I think this is true to an extent, though it's unhealthy if it swings too far one way, and relationships that do usually end but, im not sure if the same applies once someone is done caring entirely, which it seems she might be. I mean go for it, distancing yourself from her is going to give you some space and time to think anyway, and you cant let someone walk all over you and insult you no matter how much you love them. Buuut, your NC may have to turn into the realisation that she isnt ever coming back and having to move on from her rather than to get her back.
Author ilovedemhotrides Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 I think this is true to an extent, though it's unhealthy if it swings too far one way, and relationships that do usually end but, im not sure if the same applies once someone is done caring entirely, which it seems she might be. I mean go for it, distancing yourself from her is going to give you some space and time to think anyway, and you cant let someone walk all over you and insult you no matter how much you love them. Buuut, your NC may have to turn into the realisation that she isnt ever coming back and having to move on from her rather than to get her back. Yeah... the thing is... she does still care for me. Emotionally she has been through a lot. I was not the best boyfriend in the past. She still has a great time when we hang out. She also never hangs out with other guys. Like she was at her friends party, and she left when she found out guys were coming over. Just the way she talks to me gives me like hope, or it did. She is not usually mean to me, and i heard it through my friend, who his girlfriend told her ( she was there). It could have easily been given to me in a much harsher way, because she is one of the nicest girls. She does not bash her friends, and that is what we are. She is happy with how we are. And is not interested in pursuing anyone else either. The last time I talked to her, she basically said she just isn't sexually attracted to me, but she isn't to any one. She doesn't wanna do stuff. A few weeks ago or a month ago, we went about 5 days without talking to eachother at all, and I feel like after that she kind of was more into me. IDK..... maybe it was just in my head. But 2 weekends ago, we went to a car even, and she said " these pants make my butt look nice don't they?" and I said "idk i didn't look yet, maybe later i will " ... she goes " yeah right , I know you did"... like little stuff like that happens sometimes. Which she would never do with anyone else. Also previously i was sleeping over her appt, and we sleep in the same bed, she obviously would not do that with another guy as she has zero guy friends, and does not even sleep in the same bed with her best girl friends.... so theres like little things that make me think deep down she still cars. It's hard to read, but I do want a future with her. I think both of us not doing anything with anyone else is something 99percent of people can't say, but that's not the only reason I want to be with her. She's a good girl, never gave me any reason not to trust her. Even now when we aren't dating she is never around guys or anything. Maybe distancing myself will be good, and she will see my new confidence and plan on working out and just getting bigggg.
Author ilovedemhotrides Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 Well today will mark day number 2 of no contact. The longest we have gone in the 6 years + years of dating was like 5 days. We have been attached at the hip. I think the thing keeping me from like dying is knowing that I truly changed and she even admitted it to her friends, but she just doesn't feel a connection. Possibly becauseI am always there, right by her side. I told her countless times i don't look at girls/ would never do anything with them. So in doing this I may have given her a security in knowing I would never fool around, and always be there. I have done everything possible over the past 5 months, and nothing seems to change other than we get a long really good. I am happy when we are together, and so is she, but at the same time it's because it feels like we are dating, so it comforts me, but the reality is she doesn't feel the same way I do. It's hard loving someone when they don't feel the same love they once did. The only thing I haven't tried is being out of her life, and actually moving on. Because I haven't moved on yet. I think that me actually getting my life together will show her that she is not as great as she thinks, and that might win her back ( this is not the intent of doing this ). I can't imagine myself being okay with her ever dating another guy or doing stuff with one for that matter. The comforting thing is she has no interest in them at all. So this will at least keep me sane in the mean time of not wondering what she is doing, because it's not as bad as her slutting it up. Anyways today marks 2 days of NC, and I hope to keep it up! I have nothing else to lose, and only many things to gain, one of them being happy again. It's hard because all of our friends gf are friends with her, so it just makes me think of her when I am with them. Gonna keep it up for a bit n see how things play out. Gonna install the fear of loss. because this whole time she has never felt abandoned by me how I feel... She's the one that ended things... She hasn't felt hurt by it because im always right there. So by me saying yeah i think it's for the best right now. I think she might realize. idk.. it's worth a shot.
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