She doesn't want a relationship.

[bat85]

Hi I met a girl online. We really had nice time chatting and she was over texting me everyday and I responded her. She wanted to meet me and ask me to go out and I said ok. Last day, she gave an excuse and cancelled it. Then she started not to text. I asked her if I did something wrong. And she said she feels nervous and she doesn't know what she wants and if the relationship something she wants now. I said feel free, we can meet when you want. Approximately 10 days later, we started to talk again and one night she wanted to come to my place. I met her outside and we kissed and started to date. She was so genuine and kept saying she never wants to make me sad. Everything was going really well, she kept saying how comfortable she feels near me and like me a lot. Our last meeting, I was at her place and we spent nice time together. We didn't spend much time alone cause she told me she doesn't really want to be alone with me cause she has to control herself. Sex leads to relationship. Then that night, we were talking about us. She said I like you but I don't think relationship is something I want. I am happier myself. People think I am weird. I tried dating scene and maybe what I think can change but finally I understood I am happier myself. Nobody is right person for me. I think you are wonderful but it is not enough to change the things in my mind and heart. I wanna see you again and don't ask me when. I said I understand her. However I already fell in love. I didn't tell her but she knows she upset me a lot. We were like friends for last a month. However last time she started to respond me so late and when I asked her to go out, she said she needs a little bit more time. 3 days ago, I had a really bad health issue and wanted to contact her. However she didn't give enough attention to respond me and I felt so disappointed and send her a message which shows my disappointment about her reaction when I was really sick. She told she doesn't know what I want her to say but texting when she doesn't respond is a bit much. I didn't over text her but I confess when she doesn't reply, I felt really sad. I deleted her pics which she sent me, number and everything. I was deactivating my fb and I noticed she deleted me on fb. A day later, I apologized her and said we can be friends again in the future. She said "I never wanted to make you sad, hope you recover faster and find someone who treats you how you deserved to be. I am sorry that person is not me. Maybe we can be friends in time but I don't think that's now given while you are going through with your health. We can talk again in time. Take care." and I said "Thank you, talk to you in time again and take care".

She tried suicide a couple of times in the past and now using anti depressant. She thought I am crazy to be interested in her. However I really felt for her. I really don't care how unstable she is. I am in love. Waiting for someone is possible but I don't even know how long or what will happen. She is a really nice person but I am not sure what she really thinks and feels. Could you please help me to understand the situation? Do you think is there any chance in the future regardless of waiting or not? Thanks for any response.

[thompkevin]

Hey man, to be honest, I think you are falling for her because in your subconcscious mind, you think you can save her. It's the damsel in distress syndrome. You see a disturbed girl and you feel like you can help her in her life and she will love you in return and be grateful for having you in her life. But in reality, no one can save her except herself. Think about it, you barely even know her right now and you say you love her. From whatever you know about her, she doesn't have any qualities that could lead to real love.

[cristy]

Sounds like she's scared to death. Look, everyone's different, and since I don't actually know this girl, I might be wrong, but from personal experience, when someone acts like that is usually because in the past they've gone over some serious hurting and they closed up, got into a nice little shell they can call their own and are terrified of letting someone else in. So the moment you get close to their safe space, they push you away. I guess that's why she was so unsure to meet you and why she kept saying I dont want to hurt you. Because she knew she would in time. People like this don't open up easily and, most importantly, rarely trust anyone. So even if you guys started a relationship, she would always be wondering when you're gonna leave, and that would destroy it in time. Not worth getting in there... believe me. You will end up hurt and disappointed.

Oh, and don't be surprised if she sends mixed signals. Like, being all over you one day and completely ignoring you the next. It's not something you've done, it's her being afraid of how she's feeling.