It doesn't even feel like a real relationship anymore

[confusedgirl16]

My bf and I have been going out for about 1 year and 3 months now. When we first started going out, things were really good. We talked 24/7 and never got bored of each other. Recently, that changed. We couldn't find things to talk about so we decided to stop talking as much. Now he barely every texts or calls me and he's with his friends all the time.When we do talk, he doesn't call me sweet things like he used to. I don't mind him hanging out with his friends, but it seems like he doesn't want to make time for me anymore. He told me he still feels the same about me but I don't think it's true. It doesn't even feel like a real relationship anymore. I still really want to be with him but i don't know what to do.

[Grumpybutfun]

CG16:

Sometimes there isn't anything wrong per se, but there just isn't anything right. A partner should bring joy and wonder to your life, not stress or deplete you. If it doesn't feel like a real relationship anymore, it isn't one. Amicably break-up and move forward finding something you can feel proud of and enjoy.

Good luck,

Grumps

[Never Again]

Grumps brings up a valid point.

 

However, since we're operating on limited information, I'd like to provide an alternative perspective:

 

Firstly:

 

A partner is not required to bring anything into your life outside of love and support. Joy, wonder, stress, fear - these are your feelings, and you alone are responsible for them. Yes, your boyfriend can and will affect your feelings - he'll make you happy, sad, mad and all the shades in between - but that doesn't mean he's aware of how he's affecting you.

 

Expecting a partner to bring joy and happiness into your life all the time is setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment and heartache.

 

 

Secondly:

 

Your relationship is evolving. It's natural. You're used to each other, and familiarity breeds routine and boredom if you let what. What have you done to correct this? Have you planned something fun or asked him to?

 

Also, when relationships begin we often focus on them too much. You spent 24/7 together? That means you both spent less time with friends. You weren't pursuing your own lives and instead were consumed with each other.

 

There comes a time in every relationship when your life can no longer revolve around your partner, but needs to balance with them instead. He's likely "making up for lost time" with friends. I'm not saying that this is okay, but you need to understand that it's not really a problem.

 

Finally:

 

A lot of this seems to be based on your insecurities. That's bad. Very very bad.

 

You've asked your boyfriend about how he feels, but have you told him how you feel?

 

It sounds like you expect him to give you constant validation all the time - to call and text and say sweet things as often as he did during the "honeymoon period". Now, he should still be in contact and being sweet to you sometimes, but things calm down in relationships. You can't expect it to always be like it was at the beginning. That is entirely unrealistic I can assure you that there is life, and love, beyond the lovey-dovey beginning. It's going to feel different, but different is not wrong.

 

And, there's a chance that different may even be "right". It's just new and uncomfortable.

 

 

 

 

The big thing you need to do is communicate with him openly. He can't ad your mind.

 

This could be very fixable, if you're both willing to put in the effort.