HighNotes Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 My boyfriend is making me really upset. Basically he took my virginity on friday. I was ready but it didn't go quite as planned. It hurt really bad even though i was "warmed up" and i started crying and he ended up stopping. Idk i felt like really bad that i couldn't do it, like i let him down, but he said it was fine and we held each other and we went to sleep. It was our first time sleeping together. And when i woke up he was still holding me. And he said "hi beautiful" it was so sweet. But then i got home and i called him and he didn't sound like he wanted to talk at all. He sounded all depressed. When i asked him what was wrong he said he just wasn't in the mood to talk. And hes been like that ever since. When i text him he texts back right away. But he never wants to talk on the phone with me. His texts are always short and like one word. And he just says he has a lot on his mind. When i saw him at school he was also acting distant. He didn't ask me to have lunch with him which he ALWAYS does. And i offered to wait for him after football ractice and he said no. I feel like i've done something wrong? Could it be because of the sex thing? He told me him and his last GF were sexually incompaptible and it caused them to break up. But it was my very first time ever having anything in there so how can he hold that against me? I miss him so bad. This is the longest we have gone without talking since we started liking each other. Idk what to think. how do i make him want me?
samsungxoxo Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 So this is the same guy that wouldn't date you unless you sleep with him? If so, then I'm afraid he isn't good news at all. If he knew clearly he was dating a virgin, at the very least he should have been understanding. If he indeed disappears afterward then he used you and is a sick manipulator.
Zahara Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I'm confused. Is this the guy from your weight lifting class you were so hot for, that wouldn't date you unless you have sex with him from your post 23 days ago? Who is this guy from school?
Author HighNotes Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 I'm confused. Is this the guy from your weight lifting class you were so hot for, that wouldn't date you unless you have sex with him from your post 23 days ago? Who is this guy from school? Its the same guy. Me and him didn't have sex before we started dating he was okay with waiting. I just need to know how to make him want me again. He texts me back but he isn't enthusiastic its like he doesnt want to talk.
Zahara Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 (edited) Its the same guy. Me and him didn't have sex before we started dating he was okay with waiting. I just need to know how to make him want me again. He texts me back but he isn't enthusiastic its like he doesnt want to talk. I'm sorry. You've known this man for a month or so. He stated he wouldn't date you until he has sex with you. I have a feeling he got what he wanted from you, and is now stepping away because his interest wasn't genuinely invested in YOU but in what he wanted from you. Sex. You received good advice in all your threads. There were too many red flags. But you chose to ignore and unfortunately, you're now in this situation. Edited October 29, 2013 by Zahara 6
samsungxoxo Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 You received good advice in all your threads. There were too many red flags. But you chose to ignore and unfortunately, you're now in this situation.Yes, I remembered her previous thread about him too. I didn't like that guy from the start. When I was a virgin, I didn't give it away at the 1st nor 2nd month; no way in hell would I give it up that fast. Had he spoken to me that same way your guy did, he would have been dumped in seconds. I made my then bf wait for about 5 months. I broke up for other reasons unrelated to my virginity and he introduced me to his family. I'm sorry OP but your so called ''bf'' is a user; a sick one.
Zahara Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Yes, I remembered her previous thread about him too. I didn't like that guy from the start. When I was a virgin, I didn't give it away at the 1st nor 2nd month; no way in hell would I give it up that fast. Had he spoken to me that same way your guy did, he would have been dumped in seconds. I made my then bf wait for about 5 months. I broke up for other reasons unrelated to my virginity and he introduced me to his family. I'm sorry OP but your so called ''bf'' is a user; a sick one. I gave it to the love of my life and eventhough we didn't end up together, I will never regret it and I was right to wait. If a guy spoke to me the way OP's guy did, he'd be getting a boot where it hurts.
Author HighNotes Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 You guys honestly aren't helping me at all. He didn't just use me. If he used me he wouldn't even be responding to my texts and stuff. He does respond. I just want to know how to make him interested again. Can i please get some real help i don't want to lose him.
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 This feels like it should belong in some teen section if there was one... Look...boys want sex, that's why they're after you...that's why they're nice and say the sweet things and of course you'll give them the "benefit of the doubt" because of all man-kind is clearly kind and trustworthy but if you turn to the reality page, that's what it is at the end of the day...it's very simple. This is why their behavior is hurtful and contradicting, this is why some ignore your phone calls after they take your virginity and don't want to give anymore attention, they're selfish and thinking about themselves and what they got out of the deal and for this guy it was half-way sex...I know all you care in that head of yours is "how do I keep him and make him want me!" but that's a question you and every other woman in the world is asking and trying to figure out....of course all while thinking like a woman taking advice from other women who don't know any better themselves but come up with these weird theories and strategies. The situation is....if a guy doesn't want you, he doesn't want you. There's nothing you can do to change his mind or make him more interested, he was interested in the sex....that's what he got, but since you were a virgin it was poor and unsatisfying. Now someone who actually cares about you and respects you wouldn't have treated you like dirt or you don't matter, but this guy clearly does not...how do you know that? by looking at his behavior...not his words, now how you think he feels....plus you don't care how he feels anyway you just want to believe he really likes you and there's something wrong that you can "fix" that's why you put the blame on yourself instead of just thinking he's acting like a jerk and you don't deserve that. I'm sorry you lost your virginity this way and to a guy like this, but you've got a be a big girl and watch out for yourself in this world because there are a lot of people who will try to charm you just to get what they want...a lot of people are in it for themselves and everybody wants something...whether it's to fulfill their needs and yours or just their own. Learn, learn learn...used your head, not your heart if you ever want to understand why. Otherwise, take a number and get in line...put on your favorite pop/rock/metal melodramatic idols music of a 20 or 30 something that's singing to teens who know "exactly how I feel! omgod!" and just get over it and through it. You're young so you won't listen to any of this of course...you'll just do whatever that nagging desperate insecure longing feeling inside of you tells you what to do...try talking to someone older, an older woman what you really need is comfort more than understanding, at this point it won't get through your head...and a lot of women twice your age still trying to figure it out. 4
Zahara Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 You guys honestly aren't helping me at all. He didn't just use me. If he used me he wouldn't even be responding to my texts and stuff. He does respond. I just want to know how to make him interested again. Can i please get some real help i don't want to lose him. You stated he is cold with his responses. He doesn't even have lunch with you now. He doesn't even call you but gives you one word answers. You are very young. Please listen. When a guy cares about you, the last thing he does is move away from you after being intimate. He doesn't abandon you. He keeps limited contact, partly because he feels guilty to just walk away, partly to keep you there if he wants to see you again but in no possible way does a man have sex with you and then turns cold if he cares/loves you. You don't see much value in yourself. You had sex with a guy that told you he would not date you until you have sex with him. When a man is interested in YOU, he wants to date you, get to know you and he will most definitely wait for sex, respecting your desire to wait. He doesn't place an ultimatum on you to give it. This is a lesson you need to learn. It's not a matter of whether or not you lost him or are losing him. I don't believe you had him in the first place, at least for all the right reasons. We're helping you. You're just caught up with your emotions and can't accept help when it's being given to you. 2
Grumpybutfun Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 You guys honestly aren't helping me at all. He didn't just use me. If he used me he wouldn't even be responding to my texts and stuff. He does respond. I just want to know how to make him interested again. Can i please get some real help i don't want to lose him. Highnotes: You never had him. Any guy who would insist on sex in order to get together with a girl is only after sex. We aren't helping you because you want a special quick pill to make him pursue you and act interested in you again. Unfortunately, you didn't listen to the advice of others here and you let this guy take your virginity and he was a player. You are now a notch on his bedpost. Why would he be interested as he already got what he wanted and it wasn't a pleasant experience as you cried and probably wanted a relationship when he just wanted sex. He is still responding to your texts because he thinks he can "hit" that again sometime. Source: Every time I walked into a high school locker room. Talk to someone older so they can give you one-on-one insight into high school boys. Grumps
Grumpybutfun Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 This feels like it should belong in some teen section if there was one... Look...boys want sex, that's why they're after you...that's why they're nice and say the sweet things and of course you'll give them the "benefit of the doubt" because of all man-kind is clearly kind and trustworthy but if you turn to the reality page, that's what it is at the end of the day...it's very simple. This is why their behavior is hurtful and contradicting, this is why some ignore your phone calls after they take your virginity and don't want to give anymore attention, they're selfish and thinking about themselves and what they got out of the deal and for this guy it was half-way sex...I know all you care in that head of yours is "how do I keep him and make him want me!" but that's a question you and every other woman in the world is asking and trying to figure out....of course all while thinking like a woman taking advice from other women who don't know any better themselves but come up with these weird theories and strategies. The situation is....if a guy doesn't want you, he doesn't want you. There's nothing you can do to change his mind or make him more interested, he was interested in the sex....that's what he got, but since you were a virgin it was poor and unsatisfying. Now someone who actually cares about you and respects you wouldn't have treated you like dirt or you don't matter, but this guy clearly does not...how do you know that? by looking at his behavior...not his words, now how you think he feels....plus you don't care how he feels anyway you just want to believe he really likes you and there's something wrong that you can "fix" that's why you put the blame on yourself instead of just thinking he's acting like a jerk and you don't deserve that. I'm sorry you lost your virginity this way and to a guy like this, but you've got a be a big girl and watch out for yourself in this world because there are a lot of people who will try to charm you just to get what they want...a lot of people are in it for themselves and everybody wants something...whether it's to fulfill their needs and yours or just their own. Learn, learn learn...used your head, not your heart if you ever want to understand why. Otherwise, take a number and get in line...put on your favorite pop/rock/metal melodramatic idols music of a 20 or 30 something that's singing to teens who know "exactly how I feel! omgod!" and just get over it and through it. You're young so you won't listen to any of this of course...you'll just do whatever that nagging desperate insecure longing feeling inside of you tells you what to do...try talking to someone older, an older woman what you really need is comfort more than understanding, at this point it won't get through your head...and a lot of women twice your age still trying to figure it out. I wish I could like Ninjainpajamas post 100 times. So true. Grumps 1
Author HighNotes Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 So i should just ignore him then? This hurts so bad it is so unfair i cant believe this
deathandtaxes Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 You guys honestly aren't helping me at all. He didn't just use me. If he used me he wouldn't even be responding to my texts and stuff. He does respond. I just want to know how to make him interested again. Can i please get some real help i don't want to lose him. YOU can't make him interested again. That's the hardest lesson to learn when dating people. You can't control their feelings or thoughts. Go NC right now. Don't text him again. If he wants to see you, he'll make his intentions known. If he doesn't contact you again, then just know that he was dating you so he could have sex with you.
Zahara Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 So i should just ignore him then? This hurts so bad it is so unfair i cant believe this Yes, you should ignore him. I would ask that you move on from him. I am sure he will contact you when/if he needs something from you. You received good advice in your first thread. Sometimes it takes a harsh lesson to make you learn. I'm sorry you are hurt but this could have been avoided, OP. Please listen this time. 5
Quiet Storm Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 (edited) You guys honestly aren't helping me at all. He didn't just use me. If he used me he wouldn't even be responding to my texts and stuff. He does respond. I just want to know how to make him interested again. Can i please get some real help i don't want to lose him. You can't lose someone that you never had in the first place. He is not emotionally invested in you. He is responding because he likes you. However, liking you doesn't mean he wants to be with you. He doesn't want to feel responsible for your feelings. He is backing away because he doesn't want you to be too emotional about this. Ignoring you would be wrong & mean. He doesn't want to be a jerk, but isn't as serious as you. He will probably say you are incompatible, like he did with the other girl. Edited October 29, 2013 by Quiet Storm 1
HokeyReligions Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 You guys honestly aren't helping me at all. He didn't just use me. If he used me he wouldn't even be responding to my texts and stuff. He does respond. I just want to know how to make him interested again. Can i please get some real help i don't want to lose him. Don't you get it! You can not MAKE someone like you. If your entire self worth is based on this guy then just tell him you want to **** him until you do it just right. Then kiss any hope for self respect goodbye and be his whore. And you might as well face it now - you WILL "lose" him someday. What if he tells you he wants you to have sex with several other guys in order to get enough experience to please him. Would you? What does your mom say about this? Do your parents know how little you value yourself? Do they not love you or care about you - is that where you get your low (or maybe 'no') self esteem from? Or are you just so arrogant/ignorant that you won't listen to the advice from friends and family becauee its not what you want to hear? You had sex. Time for you to grow up now.
Shashasha Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Sigh sigh sigh! That's all i have dome reading your post. Please please, i feel so angry at you snd for you. I hope you learn to value yourself a bit more and not let guyd treat you like you are trash.
theediblewoman Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Yikes! Sorry to hear things didn't go well for you and losing your virginity. I feel for you, experiencing the feelings that come with having sex with someone for the first time ,it not going so well and the guy being so distant must be really hard on you. Sounds like you got warned not to sleep with this guy,but some things you have to figure out on your own and unfortunately you did. I remember thinking that those you give your heart to will keep it safe and it's a hard reality when you realize that's not true, sometimes I still forget! This guy is not giving you respect, it does not matter if he is "going through something" in a relationship we communicate and he has cut communication down to the bare minimum it sounds like. Save yourself some pain and walk away now, the only reason people are reacting to your thread like this is and calling you silly is because most of them have probably felt the hurt you have now and wanted you to avoid it. Don't keep putting yourself through it. 2
KatZee Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Its the same guy. Me and him didn't have sex before we started dating he was okay with waiting. I just need to know how to make him want me again. He texts me back but he isn't enthusiastic its like he doesnt want to talk. Ewww... I'm really not sure WHY on earth you gave him your virginity and I'm not sure why on earth you're now chasing after him and desperate for him to want you. This guy flat out told you he wouldn't date you unless you had sex with him??? How long have you guys even been dating? You say he was "fine waiting." What was the wait? A couple weeks? I really think you gave up your core values, and tossed your morals aside for some guy that wanted nothing more than to stick his penis in you. You talk about football practice and lunch. I'm assuming you're in high school? I swear to God I hope you're not in junior high school. This guy wanted sex from you. That's it. If he can't have sex with you, he won't date you. It has nothing to do with him loving you, wanting you, actually caring about you, or ANY of that. He's a horny teenager looking to get his rocks off, he's not looking for love, a serious relationship or marriage. If he can't have sex with you, he'll go find someone else who's easy to have sex with him. You can see his pattern here. He dumped his last gf due to "sexual incompatibility." I'm willing to bet that means, she wouldn't put out. Good for her. And now because it's seemingly a problem with you, he'll wind up dumping you too. Please stop chasing him. Please stop asking how to get him to "want you." He doesn't want YOU, he wants your vagina. You need to have more respect for yourself than this. I'm sorry you attempted sex with him, but I would cut it off here. End it. He's not a good person, he's not good for you, and even if you guys do wind up having full on sex eventually, he's going to be the guy that uses you for a bit, gets bored, dumps you, and rips your heart out as he's walking away on to greener pastures. 1
mercuryshadow Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 (edited) I lost my V when I was 17, and the circumstances sound very familiar. To get into my pants, the guy told me he loved me. Soon after he'd had enough of what he wanted from me, he began acting cold and distant, not having lunch with me, and eventually, screwing around with other girls. It was a horrible, lonely feeling. Thinking back (this was over 10 years ago), I had a horrible gut feeling about giving it up to him, but I did it anyway. Big mistake. I learned from it. And when he tried contacting me a few months later (for whatever reason) I had gained enough self-respect to hang up on the dude. Sweety, the faster you leave this guy in your past, the faster you'll heal. Edited October 29, 2013 by mercuryshadow
jakelongot Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Wow! Reading this thread brought me right back to high school. It is amazing how different life is 13 years later. When you are in the moment it feels like everything will always revolve around your home town and high school friends/acquaintances. And no matter how much adults tell you that everything will be different after high school, it is impossible to really grasp how true that is. So as difficult as this has been for you don't forget, "this too shall pass." As a guy, I will agree with everything that has been said in this thread. Love, an emotional connection, long term possibilities never entered this guys head. All it was about was sex...and even moreso it was most likely sex to prove himself to his friends or brag about it. He is simply worried about his wants. Many young adults (especially guys) lack empathy and this takes a while to develop. All you can do is use this as a lesson...one that many many women have to learn. Guys at that age (with some exceptions obvioiusly) are interested in nothing more than having as much sex as possible. It is hard wired into who we are. This whole thing has nothing to do with you. Don't let it affect your self worth. If it wasn't you, it would be the next girl. Hopefully you escaped without a STD or getting pregnant and if so, consider yourself lucky. Despite the ****ty feeling you have, you learned something and at a relatively low cost. You know how things work now and you will be leaving for college soon enough. Everyone will forget about this incident and move on, but you will not make the same mistake again. 2
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