bat85 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 (edited) Hi I met a girl online. We really had nice time chatting and she was over texting me everyday and I responded her. She wanted to meet me and ask me to go out and I said ok. Last day, she gave an excuse and cancelled it. Then she started not to text. I asked her if I did something wrong. And she said she feels nervous and she doesn't know what she wants and if the relationship something she wants now. I said feel free, we can meet when you want. Approximately 10 days later, we started to talk again and one night she wanted to come to my place. I met her outside and we kissed and started to date. She was so genuine and kept saying she never wants to make me sad. Everything was going really well, she kept saying how comfortable she feels near me and like me a lot. Our last meeting, I was at her place and we spent nice time together. We didn't spend much time alone cause she told me she doesn't really want to be alone with me cause she has to control herself. Sex leads to relationship. Then that night, we were talking about us. She said I like you but I don't think relationship is something I want. I am happier myself. People think I am weird. I tried dating scene and maybe what I think can change but finally I understood I am happier myself. Nobody is right person for me. I think you are wonderful but it is not enough to change the things in my mind and heart. I wanna see you again and don't ask me when. I said I understand her. However I already fell in love. I didn't tell her but she knows she upset me a lot. We were like friends for last a month. However last time she started to respond me so late and when I asked her to go out, she said she needs a little bit more time. 3 days ago, I had a really bad health issue and wanted to contact her. However she didn't give enough attention to respond me and I felt so disappointed and send her a message which shows my disappointment about her reaction when I was really sick. She told she doesn't know what I want her to say but texting when she doesn't respond is a bit much. I didn't over text her but I confess when she doesn't reply, I felt really sad. I deleted her pics which she sent me, number and everything. I was deactivating my fb and I noticed she deleted me on fb. A day later, I apologized her and said we can be friends again in the future. She said "I never wanted to make you sad, hope you recover faster and find someone who treats you how you deserved to be. I am sorry that person is not me. Maybe we can be friends in time but I don't think that's now given while you are going through with your health. We can talk again in time. Take care." and I said "Thank you, talk to you in time again and take care". She tried suicide a couple of times in the past and now using anti depressant. She thought I am crazy to be interested in her. However I really felt for her. I really don't care how unstable she is. I am in love. Waiting for someone is possible but I don't even know how long or what will happen. She is a really nice person but I am not sure what she really thinks and feels. Could you please help me to understand the situation? Do you think is there any chance in the future regardless of waiting or not? Thanks for any response. Edited October 29, 2013 by bat85
Author bat85 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 I already left her alone. I am just asking whether any chance in the future?
deathandtaxes Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I already left her alone. I am just asking whether any chance in the future? That's evident in her message. NO. She said she is not the person. Take her on her word and move on.
Author bat85 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 She says she is not the person cause she doesn't want to be with anyone. That's why I thought she can change her mind later. Do you think she just doesn't want to be with me?
Quiet Storm Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 (edited) It sounds like she knows you are too good for her. All the not wanting to make you sad, you deserve better- those are common words from people that know they aren't good for you. People that don't think they can change, or those that aren't willing to make the effort to change. She has been suicidal. She is on medication. She knows she is not capable of being a good partner. When someone tells you this, believe them. You are like a lot of men- you believe you can love a woman enough to help her. You think your support, attention and encouragement will change her. The truth is you are not equipped to deal with her issues. All of the love, support and attention will just make her feel worse because deep down she believes she is not worthy of goodness. Hurt people, hurt people. She could be back, but maybe you should listen to her and move on. Edited October 29, 2013 by Quiet Storm 2
theothersully Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 These are things my borderline ex used to say early on. I was too stupid to listen and here I am, 12 years later, divorced because that stuff finally caught up with her/us. We had a good run, but reading your post just echoes my own experience. You will be much better off to move on, despite how easy it is to fall in love and try to help the wounded little birdie. Been there. It's a hard life.
theothersully Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 It sounds like she knows you are too good for her. All the not wanting to make you sad, you deserve better- those are common words from people that know they aren't good for you. People that don't think they can change, or those that aren't willing to make the effort to change. She has been suicidal. She is on medication. She knows she is not capable of being a good partner. When someone tells you this, believe them. You are like a lot of men- you believe you can love a woman enough to help her. You think your support, attention and encouragement will change her. The truth is you are not equipped to deal with her issues. All of the love, support and attention will just make her feel worse because deep down she believes she is not worthy of goodness. Hurt people, hurt people. She could be back, but maybe you should listen to her and move on. How do you know this? This is very, very accurate.
Author bat85 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 I just don't know and understand whether she doesn't want me or she really doesn't want a relationship? Cause she told me she wanted a relationship with someone a year ago but that person didn't want her. She said that person was different and more complicated. Then she got used to be single and she is happier herself. On the other hand, she told me she likes me but it is not enough to change things in her heart and mind, nobody is right for her. I just really don't know what to believe.
theothersully Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 She sounds very honest. Nothing you wrote in the last paragraph is incongruent. Believe it all, except the first sentence, which is not hers.
Author bat85 Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 Hi, I just wanted to let you guys know that I found out she just didn't want me. She doesn't think it was right. I was so honest with my feelings and really felt for her. I wish she could have been honest too. Thanks for all responses.
todreaminblue Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 (edited) I actually think you migth suffer from depression too.....you have your issues and maybe she sees that in you.......she never meant to make you sad ...most women dont like making guys hurt....i certainly don't......i don't think she is ready for a relationship for the simple fact she told you so if she truly cared about you and wanted a relationship with you, you would know.... you cant push someone into a relationship if they don't want one its a recipe for hurt...... you are going to have to give it time yes.........my ex was talking to me the other day about a similar scenario.....about two sick people being together in dating and regards to something long term.....it would be a hard road........and he doesnt want me to have it hard.......he thinks i have had it hard enough...smilin...and it is hard but i choose my way now not him..he also thinks i should date someone who shares my faith..but it is also my choice who i date and not his....i am dating"almost" someone at the moment who seems to get sick a bit physically sick and my issues are mental illness...... .....what i need to say is......maybe if you work on you and how you feel depressed when you dont get answers....and your need to contact her......go no contact and let her contact you ...if anything is going to happen it will be that way...deb Edited November 24, 2013 by todreaminblue
Author bat85 Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 Hi, Thanks for your response. I started to use antidepressant 10 days ago cause of extreme anxiety problem. She even blocked me on facebook days later we stopped contact. 15 days ago, I asked why she did it and she didn't reply. I miss her. I love her but there is nothing I can do. All I know is she is looking to meet other people and maybe a possible relationship. You are right. If she really cared about me, she would try to have a relationship with me. I am trying to be strong but it is really hard to function. I really believed her.
Survivor12 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I just don't know and understand whether she doesn't want me or she really doesn't want a relationship? Cause she told me she wanted a relationship with someone a year ago but that person didn't want her. She said that person was different and more complicated. Then she got used to be single and she is happier herself. On the other hand, she told me she likes me but it is not enough to change things in her heart and mind, nobody is right for her. I just really don't know what to believe. She doesn't want a relationship with you = she isn't going to be with you She doesn't want a relationship with anyone = she isn't going to be with you You see, it doesn't matter why, the end result is that she isn't going to be with YOU. As for "anyone", that just means anyone else RIGHT NOW. She could meet someone tomorrow and feel differently. Stop torturing yourself and accept that for WHATEVER reason, she doesn't want a relationship with you. Sitting around hoping that she will suddenly change her mind is a waste of time and trying to change it for her will only result in alienating her. Sure, she may contact you again when she is in need of some attention, but once she gets it, she'll be gone and you'll be left holding your heart in your hands again. Note: when someone tells you that they never want to hurt you while they are in the process of saying or doing something that does, it simply means that they KNOW they are & don't want to feel responsible for it. While that may sound callous, it's actually not, though, because in reality they aren't responsible for your happiness--YOU are. So, if it hurts to be rejected because you have feelings for her, it's up to you to remove yourself from the situation that's causing it. Step away, lick your wounds and be ready when that someone who does want to be with you comes along.
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