Bringing "the man" to girl talk/hangouts: disrespectful?

[Els]

Jesus H. Christ, keenly, enough already. I've seen plenty of posts from you that dismiss the woman's feelings/needs as her "insecurity" - your reaction is ALWAYS that she needs to get over it (porn, needing more time together, having hurt feelings about WHATEVER, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum). So just give it a rest for the love of all that's holy. You get knee-jerk angry ANY TIME you feel the man is getting blamed, WE KNOW (it's possible that SOMETIMES it's his fault! crazy), but you are NOT neutral about this.

 

Quoting for so much truth.

 

The OP's situation is NOT equivalent to a guy wanting to go to an effing strip club for his birthday. A guy wanting to go to a strip club for his birthday is equivalent to the OP's gf wanting to go to a male strip club for her birthday. Don't understand how anyone could remotely connect the two, unless they were spoiling for a fight to begin with.

[Grumpybutfun]

OP:

I think you feel the way you feel, and how you react to that is what matters. If you want a relationship with this woman, I would suggest you talk to her about this as you are internally stewing right now and this could lead to a relationship breakdown. You sound like you are already starting to form resentment and are pulling away. If this is the case, your tolerance is very low in relation to working out problems in a relationship. It is all about perspective, and yours is valid, but don't let it destroy an otherwise good relationship.

Good luck,

Grumps

[Shepp]

It was her birthday dude! She wanted to be with her friends and her boyfriend - couldn't you just suck it up and make nice?

 

She probably thought it would be cool because she was there, what's the difference between having a guy you've never met before there and having your own girlfriend there, does her presense not relax you?

Even if it doesn't, that may well be what She was thinking.

 

Besides all her friends will really expect you to do is be friendly, smile and laugh, what gir are really gonn want a guys opinion on 'what Angie said to Jess on Wednesday and Hayley heard about', y'know? I'm sure you did all that was expected of you.

[phineas]

F the "it's her birthday" BS.

Being your birthday doesn't mean you get to bore the hell out of your boyfriend with quadraphonic chick talk.

 

It stopped being "all about her" when she no longer required a pony at her parties. Wait, OP, was there a pony?

 

Personally when i've been put in the situation where i'm the only guy in a sea of women i'm not allowed to sleep with I go exploring & leave them to gossip amongst themselves because if I stick around I will have no choice but to get drunk then start getting brutally honest.

 

That's never a good thing.

 

see op you are now in a relationship which means you have to train your woman.

 

You should of Homer Simpson it up & learned her to never bring you along for "girls night out" within the first month of seeing her by doing the equivalent of saying "Boooorrrriinnnggg!" loudly or actually saying it in my case because that's just how I am.

 

Pay attention guys, If on the first time you do end up with just her & the estrogen legion & she isn't suggesting you go check something out within 10 minutes to get you the F away from the table & her friends, you are doing it wrong.

 

You totally John Cussack'd it instead of Tim Allen'd it OP.

Edited October 30, 2013 by phineas

[Babolat]

Hi again, everyone.

 

Again, I appreciate all the replies.

 

I did pamper this woman the entire day prior to this event. So because of this occurrence, I felt an immediate disrespect as I was put into a vulnerable position despite my request not to be. I had several conversations with her in the prior weeks about how I avoid girl hangouts. She had in previous times hinted at hanging out with her friends, but I had always declined because it seemed like "girl time" and I told her that I completely avoid it, believing that men and women should and must have separate time. I encourage her girl time. I think it is great. This situation was to be different because it was her friends AND their SOs. So it was 4 women that showed up, my gf, and me. All that was discussed was inter socialcircle drama. There was nothing to contribute.

 

As far as people doubting my ability to actually communicate with people. I don't have that issue. I do quite well in social situations that allow me to be. I had received multiple compliments from several female partners in the past, gloating that their friends "love my new man." The thing about mixed circles is that you can build rapport with the men first, appeal and joke with them, prior to moving that energy onto the remaining females in the room. It always works beautifully. When there is no start point (read: other dudes), I cannot find immediate common ground. So I backup and allow the girls to take over their banter.

 

I don't exactly understand why many of the women here are scolding me for my behavior. While I was polite and courteous, I just didn't feel comfortable being there. I considered leaving, but I felt like I would be even more offputting if I did that.

 

This so far has been the only dark spot on this relationship. From what I have been told from my gf, she digs me in every way possible. I haven't spoken to her about this thing since it happened. Nor have I cried about it to her after (as some of you guys are suggesting). She brought it up in the car that she understood it was girl talk and felt terrible that it went that direction, I just told her I don't ever want to be put into this situation again and I warned her many times prior that I always wanted to avoid this. That was the last conversation we had and I dropped her home.

 

Since then she had initiated and had exchanged a few texts, all of it neutral topics. I don't really care to discuss it with her right now, and I don't really want to see her at the moment; told her to have a great afternoon and left it at that. I am still a bit embarrassed by what happened. I am sure that she has already spoken to her friends about it and probably thinking about this whole situation, too. But it doesn't concern me. I am not trying to be controlling (as someone else has mentioned). I never try and control anyone, people are free as birds when they're with me. I internalize most things and allow them to simmer in my head for a while before I cool off and begin again. I am not sure if I should even discuss this with her, or leave it that. Just a ****ty experience, or something to elaborate on and explore.

 

Someone earlier in the thread suggested I setup another dinner between her friends, her, and I. While I definitely appreciate the suggestion and see why it may be appropriate, I have a feeling that the hill I'd have to climb is even steeper. They'd already have a poor impression of me, so it makes little difference to try and overcome that.

 

In the end, her friends are not important to me. They ARE important to her though. So... I dunno. Do I even have to be cool with her friends to remain with her? She seems to really like me, so I dunno her friend's opinion of me would really affect her much. Anyone have any clue on that?

 

"I don't really want to see her at the moment; told her to have a great afternoon and left it at that"

 

Based on what I read, you are being controlling at this point. Has your normal, day to day. communication changed at all because of this event? Is the above quote normal conversation betwenn the two of you? It sounds like you are now controlling that, not responding, not talking, etc. I could be wrong, it's what I read in your replies. You sound hurt, so, in return, you are hurting her by ignoring her and not talking about this...that is a form of control in a relationship.

 

And yes, her friends should be importnat to you. You should pay attention to how she interacts with them, it will tell you more about her. And yes, you should try to be friends with her friends, I think it's important. You don't have to impress them, you don't have to even like them, just be yourself. If your relationship goes long term these friends will be a apart of your life.

 

"I just told her I don't ever want to be put into this situation again and I warned her many times prior that I always wanted to avoid this"

 

She put YOU in a situation? Really? You are an adult, you control you. You "warned" her, really, "warned" her. Did you use those exact words? If I was her, I would be gone at this point. Again, examples of control IMHO.

 

Control, as I reference it, does not mean free as birds..that is not the kind of control I am talking about.

 

You seem like a great guy, just not one who is ready for a LTR.

[Shepp]

You should of Homer Simpson it up & learned her to never bring you along for "girls night out" within the first month of seeing her by doing the equivalent of saying "Boooorrrriinnnggg!" loudly or actually saying it in my case because that's just how I am.

With all due respect you say she's being too "all about her" on her birthday, what part of the above isn't a demonstration of you being "all about you"??

 

 

 

I don't understand this attitude to be honest - its not even just about dating, what about friendship? family? How can you form genuine relationships with other humans if you are unable to take one for the team and do something you don't want to do once I a while.

 

If my best mate wants to go out for Indian do I throw my toys out the pram because I prefer Chinese...of course not, I choose to do something to make someone else happy not just myself, we go for Indian.

That doesn't mean that sometimes I don't ignore the fact that he doesn't want anchovies on the pizza we're ordering but in order it anyway and make him pick them off - because sometimes I put me first, and he just picks them off because he's putting me first. Its give and take.

 

If my aunt wants me to help decorate on my one free day this week, do I sulk about it? No I go help her, because shes family and she needs me and there'll be other free days and because when my car wasn't working and I had to take hers and she had to walk to work did she sulk? no!

 

 

OP Surely your girlfriend does things that she might not be crazy about but she does them?

I dunno, I just don't understand whats so terrible about sitting at a table with your girlfriend for what like 2hrs and smiling and being polite to her friends?

At the end of the day just order something nice to eat and enjoy the food, let her chat to her friends with her boyfriend at her side. As doing things you aren't keen on for the girl you love goes, I don't think that's particularly awful!

[clia]

I think it's strange that you feel you can't banter with women or sit and have a meal with a group of women. You should really get to the bottom of that. Women like a lot of the same things that men like -- music, TV shows, video games, sports, etc. It really shouldn't be that much different. If they go off into a discussion about make-up (or whatever) you can change the subject in a joking manner. That's no different than being with a group of friends who have known each other forever, or a group of co-workers. It's just basic socialization.

 

Do you think you have a problem with women because you rely on flirtation to connect with them, but can't do that if you have a girlfriend?

 

It's funny, because I'm comparing this to what happened on my birthday. My boyfriend was supposed to be out of town for work, so I made dinner plans with five of my girl friends. Then his travel plans changed, so he was going to be in town. He said "I hope you don't mind if I crash your dinner, because there is no way I'm not spending your birthday with you!" He had a blast hanging out with my friends for the evening.

[KatZee]

F the "it's her birthday" BS.

Being your birthday doesn't mean you get to bore the hell out of your boyfriend with quadraphonic chick talk.

 

It stopped being "all about her" when she no longer required a pony at her parties. Wait, OP, was there a pony?

 

You should of Homer Simpson it up & learned her to never bring you along for "girls night out" within the first month of seeing her by doing the equivalent of saying "Boooorrrriinnnggg!" loudly or actually saying it in my case because that's just how I am.

 

So basically what you're saying is that his girlfriend is NOT entitled to have her birthday be about her, but the guy is completely entitled to act like an immature jerkoff, making the day alllllll about HIM instead.

 

Gotcha.

[Fondue]

Hi everyone, thanks again for reading my thread.

 

I think some of you are under the impression that I'm sort of terrible individual. You'd be mistaken. I treat this woman like an absolute gentleman. I always make sure to have activities planned for us to do, I always keep things incredibly fun and playful, and to top it all off, I have never once allowed her to even reach into her wallet. She's more than plenty satisfied in the bedroom. I believe due to this, she might have become complacent. While I do completely lead this relationship, I do not request for much. The one time I ask for something, I did not receive it. That's more than slightly disrespectful.

 

I do believe I have the right to be somewhat upset at what happened, and I plan to hold onto that until I resolve it in my head.

 

We're both in our mid twenties. Actually, she just received her driver's permit today. I have been driving for about 10years now, we had discussed in the past that I will be willing to teach her how to drive. She texted he this afternoon announcing she got her permit today and she asked me to take her out either today or tomorrow for her first lesson, since she is off both days. I just finished work early today, so today is probably the better day.

 

I am having trouble deciding whether or not I should take this opportunity to see her or not. If I was to take her out, I would avoid having a conversation about this situation to start with. I'd also probably keep it to just a lesson and then drive her back to her parents house where she lives for dinner, instead of taking her to my apartment/outting for the night like we'd usually do. I was wondering if keeping it polite/cordial is a good course of action, or is avoiding everything and pretending like it never happened, going back to how things were prior to this incident preferred? I really don't know. If I was to take her out today, I'd plan to masturbate before hand so I would have less of a urge to take her home with me. But then how would she interpret it, if I took her back to her place? Is she expecting me to take her to mine or out for the night? Maybe that sounds silly, I dunno. Anyone have any opinion?

[Janesays]

I think you're being pretty passive aggressive. If you believe you are in the 'right' in this situation (despite the overwhelming majority agreeing that you're overreacting big time) then the LEAST you can do is sit down and have a mature talk about it. Instead, you want to fume silently while purposely keeping her at arms length to the extent where you plan to jerk off just to deprive yourselves out of sex? Sorry, that is some MAJORLY passive aggressive unhealthy BS right there. I'm beginning to see where another poster is coming from when he said you have issues with control.

 

Keep up this behaviour, Fondue, and I GUARUNTEE you will tank this relationship.

[Keenly]

Hi everyone, thanks again for reading my thread.

 

I think some of you are under the impression that I'm sort of terrible individual. You'd be mistaken. I treat this woman like an absolute gentleman. I always make sure to have activities planned for us to do, I always keep things incredibly fun and playful, and to top it all off, I have never once allowed her to even reach into her wallet. She's more than plenty satisfied in the bedroom. I believe due to this, she might have become complacent. While I do completely lead this relationship, I do not request for much. The one time I ask for something, I did not receive it. That's more than slightly disrespectful.

 

I do believe I have the right to be somewhat upset at what happened, and I plan to hold onto that until I resolve it in my head.

 

We're both in our mid twenties. Actually, she just received her driver's permit today. I have been driving for about 10years now, we had discussed in the past that I will be willing to teach her how to drive. She texted he this afternoon announcing she got her permit today and she asked me to take her out either today or tomorrow for her first lesson, since she is off both days. I just finished work early today, so today is probably the better day.

 

I am having trouble deciding whether or not I should take this opportunity to see her or not. If I was to take her out, I would avoid having a conversation about this situation to start with. I'd also probably keep it to just a lesson and then drive her back to her parents house where she lives for dinner, instead of taking her to my apartment/outting for the night like we'd usually do. I was wondering if keeping it polite/cordial is a good course of action, or is avoiding everything and pretending like it never happened, going back to how things were prior to this incident preferred? I really don't know. If I was to take her out today, I'd plan to masturbate before hand so I would have less of a urge to take her home with me. But then how would she interpret it, if I took her back to her place? Is she expecting me to take her to mine or out for the night? Maybe that sounds silly, I dunno. Anyone have any opinion?

 

Of course they think you are a terrible person . You are a man that expressed his discomfort and is now going to stand his ground. To them this is seen as selfish behavior .

[Janesays]

I also want to add this:

 

It is EASY to act like a "perfect gentlemen" when things are going your way. But someone who can handle conflict with grace and maturity is what separates the men from the little boys.

 

Food for thought.

[Keenly]

I think you're being pretty passive aggressive. If you believe you are in the 'right' in this situation (despite the overwhelming majority agreeing that you're overreacting big time) then the LEAST you can do is sit down and have a mature talk about it. Instead, you want to fume silently while purposely keeping her at arms length to the extent where you plan to jerk off just to deprive yourselves out of sex? Sorry, that is some MAJORLY passive aggressive unhealthy BS right there. I'm beginning to see where another poster is coming from when he said you have issues with control.

 

Keep up this behaviour, Fondue, and I GUARUNTEE you will tank this relationship.

 

What is wrong with you people. There is no right and wrong when it comes to FEELINGS. You can not control what you feel, only how you react to it.

 

 

I can not even process how people call YOU selfish OP, when you did everything right. You expressed concerns multiple times even though they were ignored. You went anyway even though you knew you would hate it. You stayed even when you wanted to leave. And then you told a bunch of strangers about your feelings, and you were instantly labeled as selfish.

 

 

 

It boggles the mind. Take heart in knowing this forum is a very very small percentage of the women that are out there, and not all of them will react so illogically to your thoughts and feelings.

[Fondue]

I think you're being pretty passive aggressive. If you believe you are in the 'right' in this situation (despite the overwhelming majority agreeing that you're overreacting big time) then the LEAST you can do is sit down and have a mature talk about it. Instead, you want to fume silently while purposely keeping her at arms length to the extent where you plan to jerk off just to deprive yourselves out of sex? Sorry, that is some MAJORLY passive aggressive unhealthy BS right there. I'm beginning to see where another poster is coming from when he said you have issues with control.

 

Keep up this behaviour, Fondue, and I GUARUNTEE you will tank this relationship.

 

I also want to add this:

 

It is EASY to act like a "perfect gentlemen" when things are going your way. But someone who can handle conflict with grace and maturity is what separates the men from the little boys.

 

Food for thought.

 

Hey Jane. Thanks again for writing back. It's not that I'm purposefully being passive-aggressive, I just keep things to myself and deal with them at my own pace. If I was to see this woman and take her back tonight, having sex would change things. I'd probably immediately feel "better" afterward and not care. I'd let temporary lust CLOUD my judgement. I think that should make sense. In the heat of the moment, you forget someone's faults and let instinct take over. This happens all too frequently-- with everyone. By avoiding that bonding experience, I am able to better understand why this really pisses me off and how I plan to "get over it." I might not. Who knows? That is why I'm seeking input on a (friendly?) forum.

 

I am an absolute gentleman when it comes to the women I choose to date. If I am disrespected, I am not sure it is a relationship worth pursuing. I know avoiding conflict is never a certainty, but providing respect is always a must. I have been nothing short of great so far with this woman. I am sure why despite all my best efforts, I am still referred to as less of a man. I have always been told I treat the girls I've seen better than they have by anyone previously.

 

Of course they think you are a terrible person . You are a man that expressed his discomfort and is now going to stand his ground. To them this is seen as selfish behavior .

What is wrong with you people. There is no right and wrong when it comes to FEELINGS. You can not control what you feel, only how you react to it.

 

 

I can not even process how people call YOU selfish OP, when you did everything right. You expressed concerns multiple times even though they were ignored. You went anyway even though you knew you would hate it. You stayed even when you wanted to leave. And then you told a bunch of strangers about your feelings, and you were instantly labeled as selfish.

 

 

 

It boggles the mind. Take heart in knowing this forum is a very very small percentage of the women that are out there, and not all of them will react so illogically to your thoughts and feelings.

 

Hey man, thanks again for trying to see things more or less my way and sticking up for me .

 

You pretty much understand how I feel. I think I have been more than accommodating to this woman. And I have been for the longest time. Being disrespected cuts all that into pieces. I am now collecting myself and my pride.

 

The fact that I am berated for this makes me question if people are giving me honest advice, or simply love to hate. This goes for both men and women, regardless of gender.

[pteromom]

If I was to see this woman and take her back tonight, having sex would change things. I'd probably immediately feel "better" afterward and not care. I'd let temporary lust CLOUD my judgement.

 

Or, it could be that you'd find yourself getting over it, which is healthy. If you think you are right (which I don't, but you are entitled to your opinion), it's ok to get over the anger/emotional aspects of it... it will help you talk to your gf about why you were angry, hurt, disrespected, etc. in an rational way.

 

By avoiding that bonding experience, I am able to better understand why this really pisses me off and how I plan to "get over it." I might not. Who knows? That is why I'm seeking input on a (friendly?) forum.

 

She's your gf... you are supposed to be able to be vulnerable with her. It's ok to work through it WITH her, as opposed to viewing her as the enemy here.

 

If I am disrespected, I am not sure it is a relationship worth pursuing.

 

This is true, but I question your definition of "disrespect".

 

 

The fact that I am berated for this makes me question if people are giving me honest advice, or simply love to hate. This goes for both men and women, regardless of gender.

 

I promise you I have not a hateful bone in my body. I am giving honest advice, based on being in my 40s, having a lot of relationship experience, and watching a lot of relationships end.

 

I think the way you are approaching this doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship. While it's great that you treat her nice when things are going well, you can't forget about that when you are upset. It's always good to assume your partner had good intentions, to not take things personally, and to have a forgiving spirit. And to work TOGETHER to make your relationship stronger - not to masturbate before seeing her so you won't be tempted to show love to her. That's... f'd up.

 

This is true for both men and women. It's not about gender.

[pteromom]

What is wrong with you people. There is no right and wrong when it comes to FEELINGS. You can not control what you feel, only how you react to it.

 

You are right - there is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings.

 

But in order to grow and become a better person, it's really important that we examine our feelings, and don't let our feelings control us.

 

Yes, he can only control how he reacts. And I feel that he is OVER-reacting to this situation.

[Shepp]

I treat this woman like an absolute gentleman. I always make sure to have activities planned for us to do, I always keep things incredibly fun and playful, and to top it all off, I have never once allowed her to even reach into her wallet. She's more than plenty satisfied in the bedroom.

 

Im not saying that you don't treat her like gold im sure you do.

But im assuming she doesn't ask for any of that? (maybe she does?) But Im assuming you do that voluntarily, which is great, but im also assuming you don't mind doing this stuff i.e. treating her well, planning activities.

 

All im saying Is I doubt theres any relationship in the world (well any healthy/equal type relationship) where you don't have to do stuff you really don't want to do.

Its like, im a claustrophobic country boy - nightclubs: loads of people in a small space are far from my idea of fun, far! But before I was dating my gf, I used to go with her because......because she wanted me to, because if I didn't watch her drink for her god knows where she'd end up and because it made her happy, and she was having a rough time of it.

 

 

 

 

 

I dunno maybe im just projecting myself on to your situation, im pretty easy going so theres not much I can imagine my gf asking me would upset me. Spending a night with her girlfriends (though all her friends are guys so I don't have this issue) wouldn't be like paintballing or fifa night with the lads but wouldn't really bother me.

I guess our relationship is different I've said it before - im her rock, shes my firework - I like that she pushes me to do stuff I wouldn't otherwise. I guess if to you its more coming down to her doing something that you feel really strongly against. Which is a different thing really...but its just what do you feel more strongly for? Being right or your girlfriend? Sometimes its easier to pick your battles - lifes short!

[heartshaped]

Yes, he can only control how he reacts. And I feel that he is OVER-reacting to this situation.

 

I have to disagree. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, imho, and if this is how the OP feels I don't believe he should act differently. If I were his girlfriend I'd rather he act upset if he is than play the part of nothing's wrong when something definitely is wrong.

 

I think I have a more appropriate analogy for this situation. I have social anxiety and have trouble being around large groups of people, people I don't know, and just social situations in general. My boyfriend knows this even though I've never made a big deal about it and steers clear from situations that I may be uncomfortable in. If something does arise, he'll discuss it with me first.

 

OP's girlfriend ripped the rug from under him. I highly doubt it was coincidental or accidental either. It wasn't malicious, but I get the feeling she wanted it to be just her girlfriends + him which is fine, however, she did not discuss it with him first and imo, misled him.

 

After he had already mentioned to her several times this was something he was uncomfortable with.

 

Birthday or no you cannot just disregard other people's feelings.

 

And I don't imagine it would have been too hard for her to have one celebration with her friends and one with him or a more mixed event.

 

I wouldn't break up with her and I'd move past it if I were you, OP. But I would discuss things with her because at the least this reeks of inconsideration.

[StarsOnFire]

I have always been told I treat the girls I've seen better than they have by anyone previously.

 

No. You're blowing her off and not even discussing what you feel is an issue with her. You're treating her like she's not even worth a discussion or your time.

 

Have fun masturbating, I see a lot of that in your future if you treat your girlfriends this way.

[youaremysunshine]

Please please break up with this girl. She's not a mind reader and has no way of knowing how deep your aversion to women runs. Unless you can be assertive about your needs, or cope with occasional discomfort, you must end the relationship.

[phineas]

So basically what you're saying is that his girlfriend is NOT entitled to have her birthday be about her, but the guy is completely entitled to act like an immature jerkoff, making the day alllllll about HIM instead.

 

Gotcha.

 

I see, it's ok for a woman to make it allabout her even though others are inconvenienced and made to feel uncomfortable?

 

Also, a bunch of women discussing the gossip of their social circle in front a man who has no idea who they are talking about is totally mature & totally awesome for all present?

 

Is that what you are trying to say?

 

But if a man acts the same way it's wrong?

Got it.

 

willing to bet if it was a woman complaining about a man taking his GF to his bowling birthday party & she was the only woman there & hated it you'd be saying the man was selfish.

Edited October 30, 2013 by phineas

[Grumpybutfun]

OP:

Again, I would suggest you talk to her about what is going on in your head. Your feelings are your feelings, and though people may not agree with them, it doesn't matter if you perceive this to be something that bothers you. However, if you hold this in, or ignore the matter, you are going to just resent her and that spells doom and gloom for this relationship.

Good luck,

Grumps

[phineas]

I also want to add this:

 

It is EASY to act like a "perfect gentlemen" when things are going your way. But someone who can handle conflict with grace and maturity is what separates the men from the little boys.

 

Food for thought.

 

I agree, but we are talking about a man having to sit in on gossip time.

Not a bad family situation on her end where he is needed to offer her support and console her.

 

If someone isn't going to have a good time why bring them?

 

This wasn't her birthday party.

It was her and her GF's talking "shop" so to speak.

[phineas]

OP:

Again, I would suggest you talk to her about what is going on in your head. Your feelings are your feelings, and though people may not agree with them, it doesn't matter if you perceive this to be something that bothers you. However, if you hold this in, or ignore the matter, you are going to just resent her and that spells doom and gloom for this relationship.

Good luck,

Grumps

 

But if op is relaying everything accurately his GF knows he didn't want to be in this type of situation but still purposefully put him in it.

 

She already knows how he feels about said situations.

Unless she is totally self-absorbed she knows she f'd-up and she knows why he's gone dark on her.

 

So I don't understand why everyone is jumping on OP's case.

[Janesays]

But if op is relaying everything accurately his GF knows he didn't want to be in this type of situation but still purposefully put him in it.

 

She already knows how he feels about said situations.

Unless she is totally self-absorbed she knows she f'd-up and she knows why he's gone dark on her.

 

So I don't understand why everyone is jumping on OP's case.

 

 

Regardless of whether he is 'right' or 'wrong' in this case, 'going dark' on someone and basically asking them to read your mind as to why instead of just sitting down like an GROWN ADULT MAN and having a mature conversation about the matter is childish. Period.

 

And men please STOP just making this into a gender war. IT IS NOT. In fact, just recently in another thread a woman got mad at her boyfriend and started pulling away wanting him to figure out why she was mad instead of having a mature conversation AND I REAMED HER JUST THE SAME. I didn't even give her a break about because she's a high school teenager, let alone a female.

 

Seriously. Pull my posting history. I'm USUALLY harsher with the females than I am with the men.

 

I have no bias here. And I don't 'love to hate' things as the OP suggested. (Which, by the way, really hurt my feelings as I've been trying to HELP you save an otherwise great relationship and I even shared personal stuff about myself and REPEATEDLY said I understand and have been there....but yeah...KEENLY, who calls the person you care about a 'disrespectful, selfish, liar' is the one who is looking out for you! Shame!)

 

Listen, I just hate to see THIS as the hill Fondue chooses to die on. I mean, with all the people here who STRUGGLE to find a special someone that makes them HAPPY, FONDUE HAS THAT, and you guys want him all to throw that away just to prove some little point and earn some 'man cred?'

 

Sorry, but I'd rather see the OP stay with the girl that he cares about, experience love, experience a close human connection. You know, the WONDERFUL parts of life?!?!

 

Yeah. This thread is getting real messed up.