boo700gs Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 This is a long story so cliffnotes at the bottom. But I guarantee it reads like a Mexican soap opera and this latest incident is episode #305. I thought she was the one. We shared a lot of mutual friends and are from the same background but different religions, which to her parents and I believe to her, meant we would always be a dead-end. I fell head over heels for her and asked her to be exclusive with me after I courted her for a month. I come to find out by looking at her phone that very night she agreed to my request to be exclusive she had slept with her ex-bf who was in town after having moved across the country. This was a huge red flag but I was weak and going through a very tough time in my life and took her back. The relationship followed a pattern where I did not trust her and pressed her for more commitment and she fought against it, furthering my distrust for her. A big portion of this distrust came from my knowing that our difference in religions was a non-starter for her family. She also made it clear I was not a priority to her and made a habit of putting her own needs before mine a large majority of the time. Fast forward 1.5 years and she dumps me at my law school formal one month before my final exams. She said we were two different people and that love was not enough for us to make it work. I was devastated and it made concentrating on my studies that much harder. She told me she never wants to date me again, defriended me on facebook and was really nasty to me in general. On our mutual friends bday I bring a girl from school knowing my ex would not be there and word finally gets to her that I brought another girl to my friend's bday party. She texts me whether I knew she was not going to be there and I told her "of course" I wasn't being spiteful just trying to live a normal life again. After a 3 months continuous email campaign on my end to win her back she goes to lunch with me and our romance begins anew. Before she invites herself back to my place, I tell her I'm not ready to get back with her and that a lot of work needs to be done for us to work but that I only was doing this because I wanted to reconcile. She agreed that she wanted to work on reconciliation but that she was also "wanted to make sure I was the right one" and was going to let me know if she goes out with anyone else. I felt good that even if we weren't together again, at least we were being fully honest with one another. Turns out she was still texting with the old ex-bf supposedly talking just about work and life (yea right) and she would still not agree to friend me on facebook (even though she poked and messaged me on it now all the time). Fed up, I blew up about the issue of her texting this ex-bf and we got into a fight about these issues and she dropped me like a rock saying that I had betrayed her and that this month of bliss we had was all fake and that she has high hopes she will find someone that's right for her. I told her at that time like a weakling that it was too soon for us to be back together but that I knew she loved me and would come around and that I would keep working on the improvements that made this 2nd time around so much better then the first. I asked her questions to understand her real intentions behind this 2nd attempt but she was short and cold to me during the post-breakup conversation and any texts I sent she berated me about. I told to take a day, week, or month to get back to me about my questions and indicated said that she would. 3 weeks later she texts me: ex: i need your help me: with? ex: a legal question for my brother me: ok... ex: can I call you later? one hour passes w/o me responding, still furious that she would be asking for something from me before acknowledging that i still had unanswered questions ex: nevermind, sorry to bug you that night around 1am i texted her "where are you" because i was lonely and she didnt respond Fast forward 4 more weeks to yesterday she calls me 3x in a row sunday night. 5 minutes later she texts me: "I reached out to you a few weeks ago for help and you blew me off and again today I reach out and it gets no answer and your vmail is full. Whatever that means, I hope everything's going well for you. Clearly I'm not welcome to turn to you in a time of need" 10 minutes later I respond by text me: Hey sorry I was away from my phone whats up? her: Nevermind So I pick up the phone and call her and say "how can i help." She says nevermind again and I tell her "don't say I didn't reach out." She says I didn't help her last time with her brother's problem and I remind her that at that point in time, she had promised to help me get closure by answering my questions and failed to do so. That this can't be a one-way street where she can turn to me and I am bear a cross for her. She insists it is a 2-way street and says goodnight. She calls back shortly thereafter and says: "Thank you for calling me back. I don't want us to be enemies. Good night. I never loved anyone else as much as I loved her but I'm convinced she just wants to hurt me. I look at her facebook just to get answers and never find them there. What to do? Cliffnotes: - ex gf of 2 years dumps me once, we get back together for a month and she dumps me again, citing irreconcilable differences - I ask her questions for closure because there were things she was hiding from me and she berates me for asking and guilttripping - she texts me for my help 3 weeks post breakup NC and gets mad that i dont respond - she calls me 8 weeks post breakup to ask for help again and berates me for not being there for her in her time of need
aybc123 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 she sounds like bad news buddy, i would not be trying to get this girl back. you said yourself you were always more committed and loved her more than she did you, that is never ever going to change and you need to realise that you deserve better.
Author boo700gs Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 (edited) It was a love-hate relationship minus the love. But it was really intense and the energy remains that way to this day. I was laughing in my heart when we spoke because I knew she was just being a ***** and trying to play games with me. I think I won this last round by neutralizing all her aggression towards me (she wanted to pick a fight or illicit emotions from me), so I'm going to stay NC I'll play defense like Floyd Mayweather and make her look like the crazy one. Its sad but I think i've gone from loving this person more than anything to enjoying the pain she is going through without me. CLIFFS: - ex of 2 years dumps me once, we "try" again for a month and she dumps me again at our 1st fight saying I betrayed her - I ask for closure because she hid things from and she doesn't answer my questions - I go NC and she texts me for my help after 3 weeks and gets mad that i dont respond - She calls me a month after that to ask for help again and berates me for not being there for her in her time of need and when I respond she says "Nevermind" FIRST 1.5 YEARS: I thought she was the one. I fell head over heels for her and asked her to be exclusive with me after I courted her for a month. I come to find out by looking at her phone that very night she agreed to be exclusive she had slept with her ex-bf who was in town after having moved across the country. This was a huge red flag but I was weak and going through a very tough time in my life and took her back. The relationship followed a pattern where I did not trust her and pressed her for more commitment and she fought against it, furthering my distrust for her. A big portion of this distrust came from my knowing that our difference in religions was a non-starter for her family. She also made it clear I was not a priority to her and made a habit of putting her own needs before mine a large majority of the time. 1ST TIME I GET DUMPED: She dumps me at my law school formal one month before my final exams. She said we were two different people and that love was not enough for us to make it work. I was devastated and it made concentrating on my studies that much harder. She told me she never wants to date me again, defriended me on facebook and was really nasty to me in general. POST-BREAKUP I: On our mutual friends bday I invite a girl from school knowing my ex would not be there and word finally gets to her that I brought another girl to my friend's bday party. Ex finds out a month later and texts me whether I knew she was not going to be there and I told her "of course" I wasn't being spiteful just trying to live a normal life again. Seemed to pique her interest. 1 MONTH RECONCILIATION: After 3 months of friendly emailing on my end to win her back she goes to lunch with me and our romance begins anew. Before she invites herself back to my place, I tell her I'm not ready to get back with her and that a lot of work needs to be done for us to work but that I only was doing this because I wanted to reconcile. She agreed that she wanted to work on reconciliation but that she was also "wanted to make sure I was the right one" and was going to let me know if she goes out with anyone else. I felt good that even if we weren't together again, at least we were being fully honest with one another. 2ND TIME I GET DUMPED: Turns out she was still texting with the old ex-bf supposedly talking just about work and life (yea right) and she would still not agree to friend me on facebook (even though she poked and messaged me on it now all the time). Fed up, I blew up about the issue of her texting this ex-bf and we got into a fight about these issues and she dumped me again, saying that I had betrayed her and that this month of bliss we had was all fake and that she has high hopes she will find someone that's right for her. I told her at that time that it was too soon for us to be back together but that I knew she loved me and would come around and that I would keep working on the improvements that made this 2nd time around so much better then the first. I asked her questions to understand her real intentions behind this 2nd attempt but she was short and cold to me during the post-breakup conversation and any texts I sent she berated me about. I told to take a day, week, or month to get back to me about my questions and indicated said that she would. She never answered my questions. POST-BREAKUP II. 3 weeks later after the 2nd "breakup" she texts me: ex: i need your help me: with? ex: a legal question for my brother me: ok... ex: can I call you later? one hour passes w/o me responding, still furious that she would be asking for something from me before acknowledging that i still had unanswered questions ex: nevermind, sorry to bug you that night around 1am i texted her "where are you" because i was lonely and she didnt respond Fast forward 4 more weeks to yesterday she calls me 3x in a row sunday night. 5 minutes later she texts me: "I reached out to you a few weeks ago for help and you blew me off and again today I reach out and it gets no answer and your vmail is full. Whatever that means, I hope everything's going well for you. Clearly I'm not welcome to turn to you in a time of need" 10 minutes later I respond by text me: Hey sorry I was away from my phone whats up? her: Nevermind So I pick up the phone and call her and say "how can i help." She says nevermind again and I tell her "don't say I didn't reach out." She says I didn't help her last time with her brother's problem and I remind her that at that point in time, she had promised to help me get closure by answering my questions and failed to do so. That this can't be a one-way street where she can turn to me and I am bear a cross for her. She insists it is a 2-way street and says goodnight. She calls back shortly thereafter and says: "Thank you for calling me back. I don't want us to be enemies. Good night. QUESTION. Where the hell does she get off telling me IM not there in her time of need? Do I respond calmy and make her look crazy or tell her where were you IN MY TIME of need and call a spade a spade and tell her to stop playing? I dont want to lose any power to her anymore. She has enough. Edited October 29, 2013 by boo700gs
Author boo700gs Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 any input is appreciated tried to make it easier to read in the post above
JDPT Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Too much back and forth interaction. I thought she was your ex, treat her as such.
Author boo700gs Posted November 10, 2013 Author Posted November 10, 2013 UPDATE: 2 weeks later i asked her to dinner and she said yes immediately but also asked me if im sure i want to meet up with her. why in god's name do you ask? because im over the relationship but not the sex. i told her to wear a thong and she said only if you do too. lol gotta have fun sometimes
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