xUnknown Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Long story short, gf and I went on a break about a month ago, ended things for good two weeks after. It's been 17 days since we broke up officially. She said she isn't willling to work on fixing things, wanted to be friends for now and see where we are at in 6 months (when my house arrest ends - she lives in MD). I told her I can't be her friend and have been NC since. Part of me still wants her back, but each day that goes by, this part gets smaller and smaller. I'd say 75% of me has moved on. I'm taking the break-up surprisingly well and able to focus on me. We ended things as best as we can and agreed to maybe try again in the future (she sent a friend a text Friday saying the same thing and didn't want to betray me when he and his gf asked to hang out with a bunch of people). Anyways, today is what would be our 2 year anniversary. I got a text early in the morning from her (7:30am) saying something along the lines of - I'm thinking about you today. You're never far from my thoughts. Hope I'm doing okay and my projects at work are going well. My first instinct was not to respond. I still feel thats where I'm at. Another part of me is telling me to respond, but, keep it short and focused on work...like "things are going okay, work is a pain but making headway. Good to hear from you." Thoughts?
Author xUnknown Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 So I didn't respond yesterday... Well, she contacted me this morning. Called and left a VM (I was showering and missed her call). Apparently she said she got pulled over for a headlight out. She was saying, "I know you probably don't want to hear from me but this happened and If you can call or text me back id really appreciate it). I installed a HID kit on her car about 2 months back, one light did seem to go in/out every now and then...so its possible that this did happen. Regardless, it isn't a life or death situation - its a headlight. I think this was her way to reach out to me, and used this as an excuse (even if it did actually happen).
Zahara Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 No need to reply. It's a damn headlight. When you walk away, you cease having the benefit of having your ex as a shoulder to lean on. She can call her other "friends" that she didn't break up with. 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Hahaha keep up the self healing, I'm glad you didn't contact her back, you owe her nothing.
Chi townD Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Keep doing what you need to do. Stay NC and work your butt off. Get off that house arrest and as soon as that's lifted, take a trip somewhere. IMMEDIATELY!!! She's gonna know that you're done with it and she's gonna what to see you (how frickin convenient now that you're a free man). So, just don't be there. Being cooped up in the house for so long is reason enough to travel afterwards.
Author xUnknown Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 haha, I hear all of you. I agree completely. Thanks for the support. A cousin mentioned respond so you don't seem like a douche, but like I mentioned, its a headlight. It was her way of contacting me. I guarantee if I responded yesterday (on what would be 2 year), I wouldn't have gotten the call today. The House arrest isn't too bad. I work full time, come home, eat, workout, eat, some videogames with friends...it's Saturday that usually sucks. Sunday the family visits to watch football and walking dead. But I'm working my but off at work and getting in shape. I was always fit, but never had that '6 pack', which I'm pretty much there now which is great. I have a trip planned to Atlantic City with some buddies the weekend after I'm done, not to mention I'm done the day before St. Patty's day. I've been going to therapy just to talk to someone about the house arrest and the breakup and it has been eye opening. I can't wait to go back after I leave haha. It has definitely helped with healing. I recommend it to EVERYONE! It was my first long term relationship so I needed it. 3 weeks post break-up and I couldn't imagine where i'd be without it. She left me at my worst, she doesnt deserve me when I'm done, better than I've ever been and in best shape of my life. 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Good to hear dude. Don't worry about looking like you a douche, you won't. It really is just a headlight. I'm too getting in shape, cutting my fats out and carbing up on fruit and veggies. What did the therapist say about your break-up?
Author xUnknown Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 Good to hear dude. Don't worry about looking like you a douche, you won't. It really is just a headlight. I'm too getting in shape, cutting my fats out and carbing up on fruit and veggies. What did the therapist say about your break-up? Well, a lot haha. To keep it short, we both were dependent on each other. She just moved to a different state (3 hrs away) for a new job and needed me to help her through that, just as I needed her for my sh it. Also, she has self esteme issues. Perhaps she "accepted" me was because it helped raise her self esteme and that perhaps my handling my own stuff so positively, brought her back down. It took me a while to realize that things have definitely been off since the beginning of the year (sex <20 times since January...yeah, and I took her word as stress and her BCP always being the issue). She never appreciated the things I would do for her and was passive aggressive...essentially in my Doc's words, she was taking little jabs at me, so I would end it. But, being the guy that never quits or backs down, I worked through it.
Mariposa10 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I think by now she's gonna think you are completely done with her, and she might panic. If you're really really done with her, after all just like you said she left you at the worst time. You should definitely block her # otherwise she will start giving your breadcrumbs.
Author xUnknown Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 I think by now she's gonna think you are completely done with her, and she might panic. If you're really really done with her, after all just like you said she left you at the worst time. You should definitely block her # otherwise she will start giving your breadcrumbs. I think that's exactly what happened. I didn't respond to her, she got worried, called me (sure the headlight thing may have happened but it gave her a reason to call me). We did leave things on good terms, and see where we're at in the future. I know she didn't want to deal with the house arrest thing. There is part of me that wants her back. I enjoy knowing that she is reaching out to me - it makes me think - "yeah, I knew I was right, I knew she would realize what she had done". But I know eventually, that won't matter to me, and that part that wants her back now - won't be there in the future. We're still FB friends, but, I've removed her from my feed etc. I quit facebook up until a few days ago to break the habit of checking her page. Glad to say I haven't been on it in about 3 weeks. I'm not ready to block her number...I don't know if I'll even get to that point - I'll probably just ignoring her. I still do care for her, but telling me "I love you but not in love with you" & "You deserve someone who is willing to work on things, but right now, that's not me..." hurts like hell... She left me with my kitten, and my empty apartment with my thoughts - and in this time I've taken a 180 for the better.
Author xUnknown Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 (edited) You should definitely block her # otherwise she will start giving your breadcrumbs. What did you mean by breadcrumbs? ---Edit--- Nevermind, it's exactly what I thought. Such as her text on our 2yr date "You're in my thoughts today..blah blah...You're never far from my thoughts....hope all is well with work" Edited October 29, 2013 by xUnknown
Author xUnknown Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Well, I caved. I spoke to a good friend of mine last night (her bff's boyfriend) and he is 100% on my side throughout this hole thing and not playing into her bullspit mind games/breadcrumbs and contacting me to see if I were still around. But, he said think about it man, this is a different scenario. You did this to her car, you're the only one she can turn to to remediate the issue. Its a technical problem with something you did...the right thing is just text her what to do to correct the issue. If you don't know whats wrong, thats one thing, but if you do (which I did) and witholding that from a problem as far being safe while driving, then thats wrong. Do the right thing and just text her - not even a call or email - on how to fix it. So that's what I did. I went against my gut and told her what to do. She followed up with it only being when she first starts the car in the morning, sometimes its an issue. I told her to contact the company and that was it. She followed up with an "Ok, thanks" Again, I feel like this was her to just reach out to me. But again, my friend he mentioned even if that is the case, you did the right thing and IF something were to happen, I wouldn't want that on my conscience.
Author xUnknown Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Well, you caved. Just move on. Yeah..I think the fact that if something would have happened i'd feel like **** about it. I do think it was the right thing to do, but I do feel it was a breadcrumb and I took the bait. I closed up any loose end now so there should be no reason for her to contact me again. I told her to contact the company for any further issues. I feel I handled it in the best way possible to end further contact regarding the issue (or contact in general for that fact). I still see it as just a stupid headlight and sort of regret giving her the info she wanted...but it is what it is.
Author xUnknown Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 (edited) Do you think I should text her saying, "don't contact me unless you are willing to make a change and want to work on things? That was a bull**** reason for you to contact me and that is the last time I help you out"...something along those lines? I kind of feel that it would be a useless text and kind of assumed now anyways. I read this post from Barky and thought about doing just that.... thoughts? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/436411-will-she-come-back#post5307031 Edited October 30, 2013 by xUnknown
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Yeah..I think the fact that if something would have happened i'd feel like **** about it. I do think it was the right thing to do, but I do feel it was a breadcrumb and I took the bait. I closed up any loose end now so there should be no reason for her to contact me again. I told her to contact the company for any further issues. I feel I handled it in the best way possible to end further contact regarding the issue (or contact in general for that fact). I still see it as just a stupid headlight and sort of regret giving her the info she wanted...but it is what it is. It's done. If you did it to ease your conscience, then let it go. She probably did it to bait you. It's only a headlight. If you did her brakes and now she's having issues, then out of concern, contact. But a headlight? Just move on from this. 1
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Do you think I should text her saying, "don't contact me unless you are willing to make a change and want to work on things? That was a bull**** reason for you to contact me and that is the last time I help you out"...something along those lines? I kind of feel that it would be a useless text and kind of assumed now anyways. I read this post from Barky and thought about doing just that.... thoughts? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/436411-will-she-come-back#post5307031 Don't do that. Anyone who wants to resume a relationship with you will know to contact you and express what they want and feel.
Author xUnknown Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Don't do that. Anyone who wants to resume a relationship with you will know to contact you and express what they want and feel. Thanks very much. I appreciate your responses. I 100% agree with both facts. I knew I should have listened to my gut and not responded to her, and went against what my good friend said. I do feel like she baited me. I guess here's to 17 days of NC down the drain. I guess the positive note is, this time, I'm stronger going through this than I was the first time around.
barky2 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Nope don't respond It's a feeler text. It's to see if you will respond and will jump on it. Show her that once again, you aren't and will not be friends. Stick by your guns, if and when she sends another, post it here and we as a whole will give you advice. Barky 2
Author xUnknown Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Nope don't respond It's a feeler text. It's to see if you will respond and will jump on it. Show her that once again, you aren't and will not be friends. Stick by your guns, if and when she sends another, post it here and we as a whole will give you advice. Barky Thanks Barky. I ended up responding (few posts ago). Again, I knew I shouldn't have. She texted me monday (would be 2 yr anniv) saying she was thinking about me etc and I didn't respond to that. She got desperate and gave me a better reason to contact her back...I took her bait. #facepalm
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Thanks very much. I appreciate your responses. I 100% agree with both facts. I knew I should have listened to my gut and not responded to her, and went against what my good friend said. I do feel like she baited me. I guess here's to 17 days of NC down the drain. I guess the positive note is, this time, I'm stronger going through this than I was the first time around. Don't look at it as 17 days down the drain. Think of this as a push you needed to hit that goal of another 17 days. It's not a bad thing. If anything, it just solidified your resolve to move forward. 1
Author xUnknown Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Don't look at it as 17 days down the drain. Think of this as a push you needed to hit that goal of another 17 days. It's not a bad thing. If anything, it just solidified your resolve to move forward. Thanks for the positive outlook Zahara. That is a good way to put it. Now there should be no loose ends that she needs to tie up and everything other than her crawling back willing to rectify the relationship is just a breadcrumb. I'm won't be expecting her breadcrumbs, but I know she'll give them - that way, I'm prepared for when they do start coming.
Zahara Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Thanks for the positive outlook Zahara. That is a good way to put it. Now there should be no loose ends that she needs to tie up and everything other than her crawling back willing to rectify the relationship is just a breadcrumb. I'm won't be expecting her breadcrumbs, but I know she'll give them - that way, I'm prepared for when they do start coming. Exactly! It's all positive as long as you keep moving forward. Sometimes breaking NC is a blessing. It reinforces why you need to stick to it. I'm sure she'll come around sniffing. You'll get the hello, how are you, hope life is treating you good, etc. but you'll know what to do. Keep it up! 1
Author xUnknown Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Exactly! It's all positive as long as you keep moving forward. Sometimes breaking NC is a blessing. It reinforces why you need to stick to it. I'm sure she'll come around sniffing. You'll get the hello, how are you, hope life is treating you good, etc. but you'll know what to do. Keep it up! Thanks for the support. As I mentioned earlier, there is that part of me that misses her and wants her back, but thats a small part of me (even smaller for the wanting her back part). I know that will only get smaller as time goes. As much as I like knowing she is contacting me because I know she is missing me, that puts pressure on me and ultimately, I take a few steps backwards. I just gotta keep up with the NC and accepting HER loss.
headinthecloud Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Thanks for the support. As I mentioned earlier, there is that part of me that misses her and wants her back, but thats a small part of me (even smaller for the wanting her back part). I know that will only get smaller as time goes. As much as I like knowing she is contacting me because I know she is missing me, that puts pressure on me and ultimately, I take a few steps backwards. I just gotta keep up with the NC and accepting HER loss. Unfortunately, hearing from your ex will always impact you...even if you don't respond. Your mind starts to spin and relive the relationship. Try to keep your mind busy with other thoughts when this happens. And be patient with yourself, it will pass, it just takes time. Be strong...and stay NC!! 1
Recommended Posts