sambo77 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 No one strings a person along for 7 years. Your ego is bruised because she got the jump on you and now you're entertaining a revenge fantasy. You'll get over it, you just have a bit of growing up to do. I think it's harsh and comes off as condescending to suggest this is about "growing up" aspiring. You said it yourself, there are bruised egos involved here. Bruised egos respond defensively and part of that defence is the sort of response Mooo made in his post. Revenge fantasies, denial, blame...they're just the ego licking it's wounds. Egos do that whether we're 6 or 76...it's a built-in protective mechanism...not a childlike tendency we should be ashamed of. You suggest that maybe we should realise how horrible an experience it is for dumpers and have a bit more understanding in relation to their actions. Well, same goes for dumpees. We should also recognise how horrible an experience rejection and severance of a bond can be and have a bit more understanding for natural ego defence mechanisms like Mooo's. 2
conf Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 You haven't answered his question. Whether you've been with someone 2 months or 20 years, once the relationship stops working and can't be salvaged, you should be able to walk away without being demonised because you had the balls to pull the trigger. You have the balls to pull the trigger but you dont have the balls to interpret why you feeling that way. Maybe this "translation" of your feelings will bruise your self-image/ego a lot. So lets take the easy way out because "it does not feel right". DISTRACTION How many dumpers think about their mistakes after the break up? Not many. The most of them feel relief and say: "it was not meant to be. he was not the one". Sorry, but i dont believe in destiny... If it was not distraction and you were highly aware of your feelings you would try to explain them to the dumpee and not acting cold during the break up (you have the balls so why you are scared? ). As a result the dumpee would have his closure and he could move on more easily. But again as a dumper you have to preserve your good self-image so you keep telling yourself that this is a selfless(?!) action for the shake of dumpee! Most relationships dont reach to the point where they cant be salvaged. When there is need for effort someone quits. The common sense is that the relationship if is meant to be, will work without effort. That's why i said that they did not loved you but they loved the safety.
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