I am a loser and so desperate

[Netsky4life]

I don't know where to begin i don't even feel like explaining all the details. I'll summarize it.

I've dated a girl for 6 years we broke up a couple off times in those 6 years but came back together after 1-4 weeks. Now we've broken up for 2 and a half months and she doesn't want me back anymore, she is having to much off a blast partying and wants no contact anymore, i bumped into here saterday and i ignored here and my friends said she was talking about me. My ex is pritty hot and i am an average joe.

 

Since we broken up she has ton off male attention and i got 0 girl attention so that tells enough i guess. I am a wreck and i even had suicide thoughts but i know that isn't a solution. Problem is i dont know how to continue my life, i have fun during the weekend going out whit my friends, i go to the gym but stil i feel empty, hollow. I got no friends who text me or whatever besides during the weekend when we all go out, but i don't realyl have 1 friend i can count on constantly, and its not that i dont try but it doesn't succeed, in the meanwhile my ex is becoming miss popular here looks defintly help for that. And i am unsure what disturbs me the most, but i think it might be that she is forgetting me so easily whitout giving me a chance to fight for here.

 

I tried a lot to get here back, did a lot off stupid things but none off it worked, whatever i did it pushed here further away, i even sent here flowers and she accepted them added me back on facebook and started talking again but then she unfriended me for no apparent reason whit the message that she wasn't ready yet. I decided to go no contact whit here, even though i want the axect opposite i stil want here in my arms. And i know ya'll gonne say forget here, but if you want to comment that then don't, my real life "friends" have been telling me that for the past 2 months and a half and i am still a wreck, while she isn't.

 

I feel like the loser off the relationsship cause i lost half off my social life while she is gaining more. Pff i don't know what to do or how to live my life, it seems that whatever i do it isn't enough i life from day to day feeling hollow, shallow every day. Missing here and regretting my mistakes.

 

I am not asking for negative comments here, i am wondering if i am the only guy who has trouble letting go.

Edited October 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Chi townD]

Letting go is just as hard as trying to hold on to them.

 

 

Sorry dude, but what positive words are you looking for? It's unfortunate, but at the end of the day, she doesn't want to come back. That's something that you need to reconcile with.

 

We are in charge of our own happiness. And you are having a hard time with that. It sounds like you're jealous of how easy it was for her to move on. You sound jealous of her life. Here's the rub for you, she knew she was going to break up with you before she actually did it. Therefore, she had the time to mourn the loss of you and the relationship WHILE she was still with you. She talked to her friends about it, got their advice and support for her upcoming decision. Believe me, you were the last to know. Then, when she finally had the strength to pull the trigger on the relationship, she was already leaps and bounds ahead of you in the healing process. And you've just started.

 

My advice for you? Get out of there. Get out of town. Go take a trip somewhere. Some place you've always wanted to go and just.....go! Get into new surroundings, keep busy. Relax, decompress and re-energize.

[Netsky4life]

Letting go is just as hard as trying to hold on to them.

 

 

Sorry dude, but what positive words are you looking for? It's unfortunate, but at the end of the day, she doesn't want to come back. That's something that you need to reconcile with.

 

We are in charge of our own happiness. And you are having a hard time with that. It sounds like you're jealous of how easy it was for her to move on. You sound jealous of her life. Here's the rub for you, she knew she was going to break up with you before she actually did it. Therefore, she had the time to mourn the loss of you and the relationship WHILE she was still with you. She talked to her friends about it, got their advice and support for her upcoming decision. Believe me, you were the last to know. Then, when she finally had the strength to pull the trigger on the relationship, she was already leaps and bounds ahead of you in the healing process. And you've just started.

 

My advice for you? Get out of there. Get out of town. Go take a trip somewhere. Some place you've always wanted to go and just.....go! Get into new surroundings, keep busy. Relax, decompress and re-energize.

 

 

I actually broke up whit here for the reasons you're saying i had a feeling she didnt love me anymore and instead off doing my best to make here fall in love again i did stupid things out off frustration and then pulled the plug in the hope to wake here up. What a dumbass i've been.

I got no where to go really, stil live whit my mom (24) recently lost my job because off the relationsship situation (been emotional wreck ever since) had a car accident while i was drunk partying to forget my ex, so got no car anymore either (that should be fixed soon though)..... My life is a wreck and i have no clue how to get it back on track, i know its gonne take time a lot off time while she took that time during the relationsship. But i got no goal in my life anymore, i never really had to i was happy even in the bad moments. She filled the gap in my life...

And now i wake up, count the houres, go to sleep and count down till the weekend so i can go out. And even then majority off my "friends" have a partner or like quit bars, i like to party, but i lost all off my party friends during the relationsship/break up. And i am attracted to party girls, so it sucks if you live in a small city where the party places you know you hardly step a feet into and when i do (like past saterday) i see my ex and i know she talks smack about me behind my back just to make it harder for me to move on. Its annoying

Edited October 28, 2013 by Netsky4life

[reddragon588]

You need to use more positive language to start building your confidence. You're not a loser! Stop comparing yourself to her! You just need to get out and start building your confidence by meeting new people and making new friends and creating new memories!

[Chi townD]

Then change all of that dammit! Get your car fixed, and start looking for a new job. Go to school at night and get a higher education. Start building for YOUR future. If you think you can afford school, you just need to look for scholarships and grants. The money is there but their not going to just give it to you, you need to apply for it. Now, I don't know how things work in Belgium, but there's got to be a way.

 

At school, you can meet a whole different set of people that have different sets of interests other than partying all the time.

 

The save some money, a little at a time. That starts to add up and then the next thing you know, you'll have enough to afford that trip to California that you've always wanted to go on! If people asked you why you wanted to go to LA just say that you wanted to try out the Belgian waffles at the International House of Pancakes and see if they lived up to the hype.

 

Plus, if word gets back that you're jet setting around the world and going places and seeing things. I might make your Ex jealous of YOU! She could be thinking, "All I'm doing is hanging out in the Club and he's seeing the world. Going to America, France, England, Spain.....and....I'm just in the club........"

[pteromom]

You are focusing on the wrong things. Partying is fun, but it doesn't give you any fulfillment or sense of WORTH or MEANING. It's just empty fun.

 

You need to do something to make you feel like you are stepping up out of the hole you are in. Something to better your life and make you proud of yourself.

 

I know I sound like a mom, but you have to take control of your life. And yeah, sometimes you have to "fake it until you make it". Go through the motions even if you aren't feeling it, until your emotions catch up.

 

Keep looking for a job. Find something to focus on that you CAN do. Like... running. Running costs nothing and you don't need a car for it. If that doesn't interest you, find something else. It has to be something that gives you a positive outcome though.

 

You can do it.

 

And it is fine to like party girls, but party girls aren't a good investment for a relationship. They are in fun mode, not commitment mode.

 

Lastly - no more drinking and driving when you get your car back, please. You think your life is ruined now; imagine if you killed someone else, or paralyzed yourself. Be smart.

[Netsky4life]

I had one big dream i always had, i wanted to do a 3-4 week honeymoon whit my ex in australia, but since we've broken up that won't happen anymore. I am wondering if i should go alone or not, problem is finance, whit all the **** i had the last couple off months i am on a tight role. I should have a car in a few weeks which should give me the opportunity to look for a job again. So i know i can fix that and hopefully eventully follow my dream and go to australia.

But that's a long term goal, the challenge i have is how to survive a normal day. I got no one to talk to, nothing to do, i wake up look for jobs on the internet, if the weather is ok i do some cycling (until car is fixed then i hit gym again) come home (game/watch tv) sleep ... until the weekend. There's like nothing social fun about it and i like beeing around people, people just dont like to be around me unless its for partying, but during the week majority off my friends work so i dont bother going to their homes cause there tired or spend time whit their partner its like i have a feeling i missed the boat.

And i am not worried about a good job, i had a good job and have some experience in the sewering industry as a superveyor i had a company car previous job and its likely i'll have one in a future job to. So i got no long term financial issues. But i want more in live then finance i want happiness, but i don't know how that's the real issue. What made me happy was beeing around my ex and i know i lost here now i appreciat it. While i didn't always appreciate it while i had here.... messed up

Edited October 28, 2013 by Netsky4life

[Netsky4life]

You are focusing on the wrong things. Partying is fun, but it doesn't give you any fulfillment or sense of WORTH or MEANING. It's just empty fun.

 

You need to do something to make you feel like you are stepping up out of the hole you are in. Something to better your life and make you proud of yourself.

 

I know I sound like a mom, but you have to take control of your life. And yeah, sometimes you have to "fake it until you make it". Go through the motions even if you aren't feeling it, until your emotions catch up.

 

Keep looking for a job. Find something to focus on that you CAN do. Like... running. Running costs nothing and you don't need a car for it. If that doesn't interest you, find something else. It has to be something that gives you a positive outcome though.

 

You can do it.

 

And it is fine to like party girls, but party girls aren't a good investment for a relationship. They are in fun mode, not commitment mode.

 

Lastly - no more drinking and driving when you get your car back, please. You think your life is ruined now; imagine if you killed someone else, or paralyzed yourself. Be smart.

 

Nothing really gives me fullfillment atm, that's the issue, partying is just an escape from my miserable reality where i am alone living my drag off a life. Yeah and about girls, unfortunatly i am totally new at the situation, i am clumsy, i dated a girl for 6 years i don't have a clue how to pick up a girl anymore. I started dating when i was 17 before that i was a dumb kid just starting to go out situation is different at my age, if your 24 a lot off the women have a partner in my small city, and i hardly go to another place cause my friends prefer to go out here.

So we generally hit the bar/danceclub scene get drunk and see if the single guys get lucky, and we usually don't. Its becoming a drag.... and it sucks

[Chi townD]

If you have a dream to go to Australia, then GO! It's not going to happen tomorrow, or a month from now, or maybe not even for six months. But that gives you time to plan and save. To map out the finances and where you're going to go and what would be the cheapest opinions afforded to you.

 

Where do you want to go? Sydney? Perth? Melborne? Where do you want to stay? Hostels are usually nice and only cost you 15 to 20 Dollars AU a day! Then, how much you need to spend on food and drinks per day. It really isn't as hard or expensive as you think. Your airfare would probably be your most expensive part of your trip.

 

To quote Walt Disney, "If you can dream it, you can do it!" So, start doing it.

[headinthecloud]

You should start building your self esteem and focus on the positive aspects of your life. Try not to look to others to validate you, it will only lead to depression.

 

You are a very special person and you WILL find someone who appreciates you for you. But you have to love yourself first.

[Netsky4life]

You should start building your self esteem and focus on the positive aspects of your life. Try not to look to others to validate you, it will only lead to depression.

 

You are a very special person and you WILL find someone who appreciates you for you. But you have to love yourself first.

 

Unsure how, i dunno why but i constantly look for social approval and the lack off it atm bothers me and it hurts me to see my ex has social approval atm.

All i want is my ex back, but i know i have to leave here alone and all i have in my life is hope, hope she is gonne miss me which is unlikely

Edited October 29, 2013 by Netsky4life

[Netsky4life]

I might have found a thing, i found websites which offer a working/spare time trip to australia from 1month - 1 year. I might be tempted to go there for a year, currently looking up information. I know my parents are gonne be pist cause they want me to have a normal working life, but i can't have that giving me private situation atm. So i am really wondering if i should pull true whit this, but the more i see my ex moving forward and me doing nothing whit my life the more i am tempted.

[Netsky4life]

Be aware that it's as expensive as hell here, and if you end up in rental accommodation in Sydney, for example, you'll pay a fortune. However, if it's just the experience you're after, go for it. Depending on your skill set, we're coming into summer and they're should be plenty of temp work coming up.

 

Well most organisations bring you in contact whit other backpackers and stuff so you can rent places together and stuff, so thats the good thing about the system + the organisations provide the backpackers whit a database off temporarly jobs.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, I heard about those websites and Heroine is right, they might only pay you enough to live day to day. So, you might not be able to save much.

 

However, don't jump in head first, do your homework. If someone did this experience, then they're talking about it. Do a search on the internet for people that have done workinaustrailia.com and see what they said about the experience. See, how they rated it and if it's worth it. See if you actually get downtime to actually explore stuff or is it constantly work, work, work...

 

However, if you're still interested after you do your homework, I don't think your folks would be pissed, they'll probably be more worried. just reassure them that you're just working in Australia and not joining the French Foreign Legion.

[Netsky4life]

Yeah, I heard about those websites and Heroine is right, they might only pay you enough to live day to day. So, you might not be able to save much.

 

However, don't jump in head first, do your homework. If someone did this experience, then they're talking about it. Do a search on the internet for people that have done workinaustrailia.com and see what they said about the experience. See, how they rated it and if it's worth it. See if you actually get downtime to actually explore stuff or is it constantly work, work, work...

 

However, if you're still interested after you do your homework, I don't think your folks would be pissed, they'll probably be more worried. just reassure them that you're just working in Australia and not joining the French Foreign Legion.

 

I have a friend on facebook who did a trip like that whit here partner a year ago to australia, and she said its perfectly doable. she gave me some websites.

Anyway had a mental break down (again) talked to my ex on facebook really bad conversation she was really mean to me while i didn't do anything it was pure hate. She was cursing me out and telling me she was in love whit someone else and wanted me out off here life completly, we started talking after i informed here off my plans off going to australia she reacted very bitter and she said she doesn't give a **** anymore about what i do she wants me out off here live. I was shocked by here respond and again i feel like commiting suicide i am totally hart broken i don't understand how someone who i thought was the one can hate me so quickly.

[Chi townD]

Dude, no girl is worth ending your life over. NOT ONE! If you're feeling that bad, then you need to get your ass to the Emergency Department at the hospital.

 

Killing yourself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And what does that solve? If she finds out that you killed yourself, she'll feel bad and maybe even shed a tear or two. Go to your funeral and then you know what will happen? Her life will go on! She'll get married and have babies living in the suburbs and you'll be six feet under.

 

Plus, you don't want to screw up you Australia plans. If you feel like doing it, the go do it. Have you met Aussie girls? Fantastic and beautiful! Maybe the girl you're TRUELY meant to be with is over there! And she'll blow your socks off and you'll see that she's 10 times better than your Ex EVER was. THEN!! You'll follow up on here and tell us, What the hell was I thinking with my Ex, I got this awesome girl right here!

 

Stop talking to your Ex and keep us posted on your Australia idea!

[Netsky4life]

Dude, no girl is worth ending your life over. NOT ONE! If you're feeling that bad, then you need to get your ass to the Emergency Department at the hospital.

 

Killing yourself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And what does that solve? If she finds out that you killed yourself, she'll feel bad and maybe even shed a tear or two. Go to your funeral and then you know what will happen? Her life will go on! She'll get married and have babies living in the suburbs and you'll be six feet under.

 

Plus, you don't want to screw up you Australia plans. If you feel like doing it, the go do it. Have you met Aussie girls? Fantastic and beautiful! Maybe the girl you're TRUELY meant to be with is over there! And she'll blow your socks off and you'll see that she's 10 times better than your Ex EVER was. THEN!! You'll follow up on here and tell us, What the hell was I thinking with my Ex, I got this awesome girl right here!

 

Stop talking to your Ex and keep us posted on your Australia idea!

 

I don't know man, i feel like my "friends" are no longer offering me support either, i believe there getting fed up off me not beeing able to let go which i can understand but it aint helping my mental situation. I always had a lack off friends i had a peak whit friends when i was 15-18 when i met my ex those were the best years in the relationsship as well i was popular, but lately i started to get the feeling off settling in while she didnt... oh well it doesn't matter my life sucks so hard atm.

[Chi townD]

Then you come here and vent! Come here and talk sh*t out. People will be here to listen, I'm here to listen! And what's even better is that we've been through it too! We understand where you're coming from! Hell, my life is great! I don't need to be here at all! But, I come on here to help! To give back. So, I can see you guys pick yourselves up and get on with awesome lives again! And to see the strength that you've gained for yourselves.

 

Look, to better understand where I'm coming from, here's my story:

 

I was dating this girl and I loved her to death. I even saved up for a ring and bought it. Then, one day. I caught her cheating on me. When I confronted her. She just got mad and called me a loser, that I was never going to college and I was just content with working dead end jobs. She was going with someone that had a future. Thus, I got cheated on AND dumped.

 

Yep! major depression hit! I was hold up in my studio apartment and not coming out for nothing! Friends tried and failed. Until one day, a buddy of mine busted in and literally kidnapped me. It was a Friday and he dial my work number and told my boss that I was sick and he was taking me to the Doctors. Next thing I know, we're at the train station and we were on our way to St. Louis. When we arrived a couple hours later, we checked into the hotel (Sheridan I think) and we went exploring for a while. I've never been to St. Louis, so we saw the sights. Leaned up against the Arch, toured the Brewery and had a couple of beers at the end! THAT'S FRESH BEER! Then, we caught a Cardinals game (my friend loves baseball, more of a American football fan myself). That night, we hit the Clubs and I even danced with a few girls!

 

That weekend away was a way for me to decompress and reset. My friend took me out of the norm and showed me that there was more to life other than my Ex. And when I got back, I was determined to PROVE MY EX WRONG! That she was wrong about me. I had okay grades in high school. They weren't bad, but definitely not good enough for Harvard. But, I did find a University that would take me on a probationary status. Well, after my first semester with a 3.82 GPA, that didn't last long. I was good to go.

 

But, after that weekend, I caught the bug to travel. I have to pick up and go every so often or else it drives me nuts! Therefore, I would travel during summer breaks in school. I've been to no less than 20 different countries.

 

Plus, I found out that I liked the challenge of school and I went through a LOT of it. After about a year or so into my mission to prove my Ex wrong. A funny thing happened. It didn't matter about her anymore. She wasn't the one writing the papers, she wasn't the one taking the tests. It was me! I was doing it. So, it became about me and my future, because she was no longer a part of it.

 

When I FINALLY finished school, I started my career and I did extremely well. With a good job I was able to save up for bigger adventures. I met my wife and she has a heart of gold and is 10x better than my Ex EVER was. And thank God she understands my need for travel. Sometimes she goes with me, sometimes she doesn't. It depends on what I'm doing. For instance, my last trip was to cycle the Camino de Santiago. So, the idea of her riding a bike through France and Spain wasn't a great idea. But, I think my next trip will be to Melborne Australia. She'll probably go with me on that.

 

So, that was my plan, I've wanted to go to Australia and it sounds like you might beat me to it.

 

Look, I've taken and interest in your thread (as I do most others) because I see the fire and desire to pick yourself up and move on to do GREAT things! Have adventures! Meet new people! See different things! Finally to have a plan! Nothing is holding you back. If you want to go to Australia, then go! Nothing is holding you back now. I want to see you succeed!