TomR Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 (edited) Four months ago, I left my girlfriend of four years living together. She was my first long-term relationship and I was always worried she was not the one. I also had difficulties to talk about what I didn't like about her and was sometimes angry at her for no reason. Anyway I left her because I was feeling guilty about my feelings and that we both would find someone who is the right person for us. After the break-up she left the apartment but let all her stuff in. We were still seeing each other often and it was like she never left. She sometimes asked me to get back together but I told her I needed some time because I was very confused and I wanted to be sure about us so I don't hurt her again a few months later. She always seemed happy and I thought she was handling the break up pretty well. Two months after the break up we started to talk about what went wrong between us. The conversations were great and I thought we could make something out of it. But at the same time she began to receive attentions from other guys. She really liked it. I finally told her we should give it a try, slowly and see if we can fix our issues and get back together. She agreed but she asked if she could have some short relationship with another guy while we fix our problems. I told her that if she really had to try another relationship, she could. She reassured me by telling me it would be nothing serious but she couldn't get back in a serious relationship with me right now. Anyway a week later when she took back her stuffs at the apartment and I moved out. I told her I couldn't do it. Talking to her, knowing she would be with someone else would be too hard. So we decided to do the NC thing. A few days later she was already with the other guy. It's been 10 days since NC and I feel really bad. I know I deserve it. The last two months I really thought we could solve everything and make our lives together. We have so much in common and shared some great memories those 4 years. Anyway, what do you think I should do ? I'm scared the new boyfriend will make her forget me. I really want to apologize and to let her know that I'm working on myself to be a better person so she can may be some days reconsider our relationship. But I'm not sure if breaking the NC is a good idea. PS: sorry for my English, it's not my mother-tongue. Edited October 28, 2013 by TomR No break lines
aybc123 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 (edited) Give her the time and space to do what she wants. Seriously i expect she will come back to you but only if you dont push her on this so stay NC, no explanation, no pouring your heart out. It took losing her for you to realise that you did want to be with her, so let her lose you. If she wants to stay with the other guy then it wasnt meant to be and you can take heart from the fact that if she can move on and be happy with someone else then so can you. And if she comes back and realises the same thing you did then you can go forward together. Edited October 28, 2013 by aybc123
Mariposa10 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 There's nothing you can do now. It's all up to her. Were you dating someone when she asked you if it'd ok for her to date this new guy??
Author TomR Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 Thank you, I will follow your advice and stay in NC. I run into her once or twice a week but I'll just say hi and move on… Meanwhile I'll work to improve myself so she can see I'm a better person if she ever comes back. We need to see each other in November/December to arrange something unrelated to our relationship. Maybe if I feel she wants to talk about it, I'll make my apologies ? I really don't know what she thinks of me now. She gave me so much contradictions in a short period of time: I want to try, I'm sure it will work if we both want to. Maybe we could buy a house after that I want to date someone else for a while before we go back together I think I don't love you anymore, I can't stand your flaw anymore I can't forget how bad you hurt me I need some changes in my life. You should move on You can always text me someday to see how I'm doing. Don't be surprised if you get one from me We shouldn't force things, if we go back together now it won't work I didn't date anyone when she asked me that. I made it pretty obvious that I wanted her, maybe that's a mistake. She might have feel that it was too easy, that I was a needy and jealous. I'm not sure she will ever forgive me and love me again. The new guy is kind of the opposite of me, I'm sure she's having a great time with him.
Author TomR Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 I have some news. Yesterday I got a text from her asking me how I was doing because she hadn't see me for a week (we have evening course in the same building). It's not much but it felt really good to know she still cares a little bit. I just responded that I was doing fine. I'll see her tomorrow because she has some papers to give me. I hope I won't look like a mess and I could give her some apologies so we can get some sort of closure before going in LC again. Anyway, I won't force her, if I feel the time is right I'll tell her I have a last thing to say about our break up but that's not urgent...
hurts2death Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 can you ask a refund? jesus again...... she aint a comodity friend.... grow up
justconfused25 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I recently created a thread about how I got my ex back doing full-contact. It is sort of similar in the sense that she was my first long-term relationship and I broke up with her because of things I was unsure of things. She also tried to get back with me 2 months after we broke but I declined. Then 7 months later, I wanted her back much like you however this time, she didn't want to get back as she had dated another guy and had strong feelings for him instead. Surprisingly, I actually went full-contact with her during the time. Full-contact was hard as I saw her a couple times a week and talked on the phone every other night knowing she just saw me as a friend but I don't think you should rule out this option. If you really miss her and you're sincerely tired of fighting NC, contact her. Since June until just very recently, I finally won her back. So after getting her back I asked her, what were some mistakes I had made in trying to get her back and this is what she said. Hope it's relevant! 1. I was too persistent. I asked her back 5 times during the span of 4 months and she said I would've seemed more attractive had I not tried to bring it up as much. (Was hard not to!) She would've preferred to still see me as much but if we had just let things flow 2. I let myself go as in lost weight, did poorly in school, smoked. She said that was a bit of a turn off as it was sad seeing me like that. 3. She said it was good that I stopped her from talking about her ex AT the time. If you do in fact do contact with her, I suggest you not let your ex talk about his current guy and don't ask about him either.
Author TomR Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Thank you, your story is very nice and it gives me hope. Not too much though because even if our stories share some similarities, there's some differences too. She just started to see this new guy and she's probably in the honeymoon stage where everything's great. We agreed to take our distances and I respect that. However, if she ever wants to talk again, I'll be there and maybe I'll try the full-contact then. Your ex was already single when you recontact her so that means it didn't work out with the other guy. Here I can't tell if she's going to be single any time soon. Also, you may not have been together for so much time, so it's easier for her and you to forgive and try again. After four years living together, it will be very hard for her to forgive me, if ever. I agree with your three points, I won't push her to take me back and I won't talk about the guy she's with. The hardest point will be to not let myself go. I lost appetite, I can't sleep well and I always think about her. The only thing I can do now is move on. Keep hope but move on. And give her apologies and explanation because I owe her that.
hurts2death Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 i would like to but i am bitching at you cause i v been dumped .... appear in the picture slowly.... maybe help her invisibly.... it is sooooooo heeelll when they dump you.... take small steps aproaching really slow Would you care to elaborate ?
justconfused25 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Thank you, your story is very nice and it gives me hope. Not too much though because even if our stories share some similarities, there's some differences too. She just started to see this new guy and she's probably in the honeymoon stage where everything's great. We agreed to take our distances and I respect that. However, if she ever wants to talk again, I'll be there and maybe I'll try the full-contact then. Your ex was already single when you recontact her so that means it didn't work out with the other guy. Here I can't tell if she's going to be single any time soon. Also, you may not have been together for so much time, so it's easier for her and you to forgive and try again. After four years living together, it will be very hard for her to forgive me, if ever. I agree with your three points, I won't push her to take me back and I won't talk about the guy she's with. The hardest point will be to not let myself go. I lost appetite, I can't sleep well and I always think about her. The only thing I can do now is move on. Keep hope but move on. And give her apologies and explanation because I owe her that. When she broke up with her ex, he broke up with her AT their honeymoon stage so she was still well hungover him when I started talking to her. We were together for 1.5 years. But you are right every situation is different. Honestly, I've probably felt how you have and I just want to wish you the best of luck.
Author TomR Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 hurts2death> it's okay, I understand. I've been the dumper, now I'm the dumpee and you're right, it's hell. Even though I deserve it. justconfused25> Thank you for your support, you're helping. I will make sure to give some updates even if it doesn't work out. This forum is very helpful.
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