brokenhearted9 Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 My question to you all is once a man sleeps with another women as a rebound, does that mean that he is over his exgirlfriend? I have reason to believe that my ex went to Los Vegas and had a call girl come to his room. Does that mean he is completley over me? he tells me to wait for him to get certain things out of his system. He says he wants to date other women to validate his feelings for me . I guess compare. I said I would try to behave for a while just to leave the door open. Am I being stupid? If he really loved me he would not be moving on like this would he?
Patiently waiting Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Hmmm, I wouldn't exactly classify a "call girl" as dating......would you? Sounds like he wants to "sow his wild oats' before committing. Better now than after you are married and have kids I suppose! But you don't have to wait for him, let him know that when he is done having his fun that you may or may not have moved on, it's just a risk he'll have to take and I guess so will you. You may find that you can't take him back after knowing what he was doing, it may upset you too much to imagine him with the other girls, or maybe not.......that's your call.....
richyfromwgtn Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Sounds to me like he still needs to prove to himself he can still bring in the chicks. For some guys it's important for his self-esteem and even though he probably doesn't know himself why he's doing this, at least he's being honest with you. As a guy, I wouldn't do this to a girl and expect her to remain faithful if I'm on the prowl. If he gets it out of his system and you still have a relationship left then it's probably good for the future - but I know too many guys who continue this pattern throughout their lives. Verdit: I wouldn't commit to the relationship if he can't.
sandra parker Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Hi, my ex hooked up with someone after a short period when we broke up. I went through hell over this. BUT, I am realiizing that I cannot focus on why he does what he does and I don't have the luxury to care about what the out come will be. This is because of a couple of important reasons: 1. If I spend time dweling on his 'new' connection I will not have enough time to dedicate to my survival. 2. It is unimportant who he is with because if you really think about it it has nothing to do with us. I want to move on because I want to feel happy with myself. I want to become positive and by doing so, he will also see me in a new light. Not the needy, sad person he parted with, but a strong woman who even though loves him, puts herself and her needs first. We can't compete with the "greener grass" girl. She brings newness and refreshing circumstances because it's all new. When the real work starts and he has to deal with it, guess what? He will see me and connect me with a past ( with a lot of good memories) and also with a present that shows me in a good light. This will serve two purposes: I willl become a better person for me. I have told him that is my goal. I will change what was wrong with me because I want to be better for me and whatever the future may bring and also he will connect me with the new exciting me. Whether we get back together is irrelavant at this point but I will tell you this. He called me first thing this morning. I was happy but was the one to cut the call short. I asked how his weekend was and let him know mine was great. We spoke about Xmas presents since he went shopping this weekend. I asked him (kiddingly) what he bought me and told him he better spend a couple of thousands because I am special. He told me I am special allright and worth more than a couple of thousands. I laughed, but agreed with him. I know that he spent the weekend with her, but his calling me first thing in the morning Monday tells me that I didn't leave his mind during the weekend. But so what!? The only thing this did was empower me to go and at what I am doing' bettering myself and behaving as such that what he is doing is irrelevant in my life right now. I c an live without him and be happy. Don't give him that much space in your days. When they realize that this is the case you will win in the end whether they came back or not. Much luck to you, Sandra
Puma Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 he needs to get things out of his system yes. i think its best he do it now then if u two were more committed. i suggest u really try not to think of what he is doin physically with other women. the fact that he maybe out doing stuff with other women, although hurtful for you, means nothin in terms of mental satisfaction. think about it..if uwere in doin what he is doin right now..wouldnt there come a timewhen u just begin to feel cheap?? its cause u are losin ur self respect and ifthat is important to you..youwill realize taht and stop and seek comfort on a mental level. i may be wrong..but ur opinon will also help other men whos women are out doin the same thing..dont u think that therewill be a moment in where a woman especially will begin to feel bad for what she is doin?
XNemesisX Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 EXACTLY! A person can sleep with various people after a breakup but that will NOT replace the other person if there were true feelings there. Having sex with people right after a meaningful relationship, if anything, will just make you miss the other person all the more. He will be left feeling empty and realize that a real emotional connection cannot be matched. Meaningless sex will only make him feel the void all the more.
Weird Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 I doubt it. It sounds like to me all he wanted to do was fornicate so he did it in the easiest and lamest way possible- paying for it. I think the guy is silly to say he needs to date other women to validate his "feelings" for you. Sounds like he just wants to sample vaginas like people do wines.
head/heels Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 although it hurts......he is going to hate himself soon and the void of you will become overwhelming....guys (i believe more than girls) have trouble letting go of someone that they were intimate with both sexually and mentally (i.e. a true relationship) because of the pride there...they dont want you with nobody else! just dont call and act indifferent...i know it hurtst that he put his dumbstick in a call girl...but i am very sure it was meaningless....so if you can work on the act of forgiveness to help become a better more rounded person, than you are going to be able to see through your feelings of betrayal and work on the two of you..provided he comes back and wants to put 100% into the two of you...that is where you have to be super cautious, but not so much that there is no chance for feelings to evolve again...that must be a very tight rope to walk... cheers and wishing all the best for you, d
GreenCap Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 Thanks for the good advice Sandra Parker. My ex flew off to a foreign country today to be with her new love, the one she wants to marry, for two weeks. We have only broken up for 3 months. So I don't know what she was thinking but she has got the feeling with this one, which she never got with me for 3 years. There goes my ego and heart. So, in the case where the ex solicited a call girl - I don't think that means anything - that he got over you. What my ex did is falls into that category but if you, brokenheart99, can forgive and forget your boy's indiscretion, then perhaps time will tell whether there is more than meets the eye.
alphamale Posted December 18, 2004 Posted December 18, 2004 many times for men we seperate sex and love for a woman. it is extremely easy for most men to have sex just for the sake of sex. it does not mean we are emotionally attached to the woman. it is a bit harder for women to detach sex and love. so I would say, no, it does not mean he is over you by any means. if it was a call girl he just wanted a romp in the hay.
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