willpower654 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I have a fiance of 1 yr and previously together before the engagement. He has a 7 yr old daughter every other weekend. I am working f/t and in school for nursing. I am really at my witts end with everything and contemplating to just leave him behind. He is selfish, doesn't help me out even though I do double the hrs per week that he does, which you would expect that he does more around the house.. he doesn't. We do not see eye to eye on this. He doesn't do anything to help me out, he doesn't do anything special for me, sex is okay.. but he expects and doesn't give. Recently found out he has a recreational drug habbit 'once in a while'. This weekend his kid is coming over and its all just way too much for me right now so I am going to stay with family until she goes home. She tries to sleep with us, disrupts the order of everything and manipulates her way into getting what she wants with my fiance. I am so emotionally and mentally drained I can't even be there this weekend. I don't know what to do.. Anyone have some advice.. I love him a lot, but there are so many problems that are just ongoing that I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown and just completely lose my mind...
Philosoraptor Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Sounds like he's selfish. What good qualities have kept you around this long? You can clearly see the issues. Can you live with this for the rest of your life? If not, then why waste any more time somewhere that you are clearly unhappy?
Author willpower654 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 I really just don't know anymore what I am staying for... There is so much bs and bad that I don't have any reason anymore. I love him thats about it... Would taking time to solidify a decision away from him for 5 days do me good?
Philosoraptor Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I really just don't know anymore what I am staying for... There is so much bs and bad that I don't have any reason anymore. I love him thats about it... Would taking time to solidify a decision away from him for 5 days do me good? Maybe, as long as you look at things obectively. But time alone may make the "heart grow fonder" as they say and make you go back due to loneliness. Truthfully though, ask yourself what advice you'd give your best friend if she came to you with the same story. If you'd tell her to leave, then there's your answer.
ConstantVoyager Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 If I were you, I would at least postpone the engagement. You shouldn't get married when you have this many doubts about the relationship. Spend some time writing down a list of things you want to change, according to priority. Share the list with your fiance. 2
Zahara Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 (edited) I really just don't know anymore what I am staying for... There is so much bs and bad that I don't have any reason anymore. I love him thats about it... Would taking time to solidify a decision away from him for 5 days do me good? Maybe at this point it isn't even love but that it's become a comfortable attachment. Have you talked to him about changing, what you want from the relationship, couples counselling? The other thing is that his daughter is going to be in his life and you have to decide if you can accept their relationship, no matter how it annoys you because for the next 10 years or so, you will have to deal with it. I don't think 5 days will help you change the issues that are infront of you -- he's selfish, his daughter, a drug habit and the fact that most times, people don't change. Edited October 28, 2013 by Zahara
Author willpower654 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Thank you for all the insight! I will give some thought alone to just breathe and be able to see clearly without my feelings for him interfering. Then decide along with a list of things I need changed from him.
Chi townD Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Sounds to me like you've never really talked to him about it. He may know you're frustrated. But, never sat down and really talked. "Look, I love you but I'm not happy about this, that and the other. Now, we need to fix this, and I'm sure there are things about me that you're getting upset about too. So, we need to find some middle ground come to a happy median or else we need to split up." THAT kind of a talk. If you guys can't come to an agreement, then at least you know you tried. And as far as his daughter is concerned, well....that's his kid. Please don't hold it against her for wanting to spend time with her Dad that she only gets to see periodically. She's a kid and having a hard time sharing her Dad. You're going to have to come to a happy median with her too (if you want to continue to be in his life).
Chi townD Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Thank you for all the insight! I will give some thought alone to just breathe and be able to see clearly without my feelings for him interfering. Then decide along with a list of things I need changed from him. Hey girl! Remember, a relationship is a PARTNERSHIP with equal give and take. If you're going to require him working on something in the relationship, you're going to have to give up something too. He's not the only one that has to change. He's not the only one that needs to put in the work.
KatZee Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I love him a lot, but there are so many problems that are just ongoing that I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown and just completely lose my mind... I get that you love him, but this relationship is so emotionally toxic to you that you're incapable of even functioning anymore. A guy who truly loves, cherishes, respects and cares for you, wouldn't want to watch you degrade to such low levels. I think if you do stay, you will wind up having a nervous breakdown. Probably sooner rather than later. Can you really see the REST.OF.YOUR.LIFE living like this?
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