Author Coup La-La Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 I come from a part of the UK that is quite ethnically diverse (not London, I just live there now), and interracial relationships don't really raise eyebrows. Or maybe they do and I just haven't noticed it because my (fairly large) family is quite diverse - I've dated or am open to dating any race, my brother's ex-wife was black and my sisters husband is Indian Asian. I know exactly what you mean, I used to live in the UK and no woman ever gave me the speech "you're a great guy but my grandma doesn't like black people, so I can't date you" The problem when I lived in London was that I was there during the initial stages of the Iraq war and the women had an issue with me being American. There were quite a few women who would flirt with me from across the room, then clearly be disappointed when they heard my American accent. 3
Author Coup La-La Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 The person who is perfect for you will be willing to be with you regardless of racial issues. A person who allows the racial opinions of others to influence their choice to be with you could never be your soulmate. I can't believe you would even consider someone that acts ashamed of you. Due to my interracial marriage, over the years, lots of coworkers and aquaintences have shared their secret relationships with black men. It's crazy how many! But these women are not any black man's long lost soumate. They are just weak women that couldn't stand up for themselves, or they are racist themselves. Don't ever be with someone who behaves as if they are ashamed of you, even if their mouth says otherwise. You can't change people, so don't waste time on women that aren't willing to stand up for what they believe in. If she hides you, it means she doesn't see the value of fighting for you. You deserve better. Why would I consider/I deserve better: If only it were that simple. I love this girl so so much, and I get jealous when other guys come on to her (I don't say anything though) I know that is a big deal because I have never felt jealously like that for any other woman before.... Not to mention: The sex is phenomenal!!!!!! I've never had anything anywhere near as good. Sometimes I think God specially crafted her vagina just for me (yes it's that good). THE OTHER MESSED UP THING: Her parents are in love with me as her friend, when I have dinner with them they don't let me leave, I have to sneak out when they're not looking. But if the idea of me dating her even comes up as a joke they get nuts. Just like segregation "you can sit here, but not here"
Ruby Slippers Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I've never understood why, but it does seem that the darker a person's skin, the stronger and more venomous the racism they experience. It's even true among black people - light skin is somehow supposed to be better than dark skin. I'm a light-skinned blonde, I dated a dark-skinned Indian man a while back, and I was really surprised by all the mean-spirited looks we got. This guy was well-dressed, professional, polite, handsome, so it was definitely all about his skin color. Sad. I agree with the advice to focus on people who accept you as you are, in spite of what their family and friends think.
Outsider77 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Why does anyone think it is any of their business to worry about what race other people are dating? I guess it can be hard to deal with if it's the people in your immediate family, but if I fell in love with a man outside my race I wouldn't let other people's racism keep me from being with him. It's not like people from different races are evil beings from another planet trying to destroy others' racial purity. This really shouldn't be a big deal. After a few hundred more years, we'll all be mostly mixed anyway.
Mascara Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 From what American friends have said, America generally has a bit of a conservative attitude about a lot of things. If your religion, colour or sexual orientation is different from the mainstream, people are openly vocal about it. Years ago I knew an American guy who came over here on holiday. He was gay. He eventually moved over here because of problems he encountered from his southern baptist family over being gay. As he said - in England, as long as you keep your lawn neatly mowed and don't play your music too loud, nobody really cares about who you are or what you do. I'm not saying we don't have issues, but they tend to be mainly caused by pockets of extremists rather than society as a whole.
Outsider77 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Americans may have conservative attitudes, but I think the problem is that they feel everyone else must also share their attitudes. We don't spend enough time minding our own business.
MrCastle Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) +1 I've lived in various places in Europe and nobody gives a sh*t what color you are out there. In fact, in Germany, the girls there LOVE black guys. Not sure why, but I noticed TONS of interracial couples. From what my friends tell me, their families were much more accepting of their relationships as well. I also have black friends that are married to women from China and Colombia. They say that the racism in those places is little to none. Of course, this is all anecdotal. From my personal observations, I also notice much more racism (overt when people are drunk, subtle when people are sober) here in the US than anywhere else in the world that I've been to. This is why I hate the PC stuff so much. It's all for show. Many people still have these core beliefs, but now just put on a show for everybody. I can't imagine how much worse it would be without the pc stuff. This is not exactly a topic that's open for discussion. Humans are humans. Regardless of skin color, religion, sexual orientation, etc. Discriminating against someone for those things is not okay, and people should be shamed for it when they cross the line. I'm not into this "everyone is entitled to their beliefs," -- not when your beliefs are dated and ignorant you're not. This pc stuff has helped create tolerance and for those that refuse to adapt to the ever increasing liberal world, it's at least made them shut up and embarrassed to talk garbage in public. I'll take it. Edited October 31, 2013 by MrCastle 1
gaius Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 From what American friends have said, America generally has a bit of a conservative attitude about a lot of things. If your religion, colour or sexual orientation is different from the mainstream, people are openly vocal about it. Years ago I knew an American guy who came over here on holiday. He was gay. He eventually moved over here because of problems he encountered from his southern baptist family over being gay. As he said - in England, as long as you keep your lawn neatly mowed and don't play your music too loud, nobody really cares about who you are or what you do. I'm not saying we don't have issues, but they tend to be mainly caused by pockets of extremists rather than society as a whole. I've heard more than one European talk bad about gypsies before. I don't know what all the hub bub is about since I've never met a gypsie that I can recall, but there seems to be some disdain for them over there. To the point it was recently just assumed a gypsie couple stole a child because it had white skin. I think Europeans have to understand that we have different circumstances over here. Our minority culture is generally different than your minority culture. Almost every time you see a horrific murder on TV that isn't a mass shooting you can almost guarantee a black face shows up. It's more complicated than we just haven't gotten over our racist past. We probably wouldn't care if our daughter married a gypsie though.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I've heard more than one European talk bad about gypsies before. I don't know what all the hub bub is about since I've never met a gypsie that I can recall, but there seems to be some disdain for them over there. To the point it was recently just assumed a gypsie couple stole a child because it had white skin. I think Europeans have to understand that we have different circumstances over here. Our minority culture is generally different than your minority culture. Almost every time you see a horrific murder on TV that isn't a mass shooting you can almost guarantee a black face shows up. It's more complicated than we just haven't gotten over our racist past. We probably wouldn't care if our daughter married a gypsie though. Ah but isn't that also a function of bias? TV news is known for only telling certain stories in certain ways. Missing white woman syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia etc. Then the sellout rappers who are all to willing to act thuggish to make money.
Mascara Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Hmmm problems with gypsies tends to be mostly Ireland. There aren't really great numbers of them in England. I've never really gone along with the "you'll usually see a black face where there trouble". That face is also usually male (prison population hovers around 95% male / 5% female). But I don't believe all men are criminals (not saying you said that, just thinking out loud) America also has the issue of geography. It's easier to be isolated in a big country. Here, we're all smooshed up together, so we mostly have to get along.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Hmmm problems with gypsies tends to be mostly Ireland. There aren't really great numbers of them in England. I've never really gone along with the "you'll usually see a black face where there trouble". That face is also usually male (prison population hovers around 95% male / 5% female). But I don't believe all men are criminals (not saying you said that, just thinking out loud) America also has the issue of geography. It's easier to be isolated in a big country. Here, we're all smooshed up together, so we mostly have to get along. True. One gets very far from the really big cities and people of different races hardly interact.
Mascara Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Try reading further than one or two posts and you might see it wasn't me that said you usually see a black face "kid", I was quoting someone else... I said that despite the fact it's also usually male, I wasn't going to use that as an excuse to demonise men. Perhaps you should re-read things first.
gaius Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Try reading further than one or two posts and you might see it wasn't me that said you usually see a black face "kid", I was quoting someone else... I said that despite the fact it's also usually male, I wasn't going to use that as an excuse to demonise men. Perhaps you should re-read things first. Nope, it was you who said it. Don't try to deny it. Ah but isn't that also a function of bias? TV news is known for only telling certain stories in certain ways. Missing white woman syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia etc. Then the sellout rappers who are all to willing to act thuggish to make money. That's definitely part of it, but there's also basis for it in crime statistics. I don't really know what still bothers so many people about seeing a black dude with white women. I was reading about the UK and they have a lot of the same statistics we do, so who really knows why it's way more accepted over there. I'd probably have to live there for a while to figure it out.
Els Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Extremely traditional Chinese have a superstition against black. It's why houses are cleared of all black items on a New Year. It symbolizes death. Terribly un-PC, I know, but traditions are rarely PC. That's why I prefer modernity.
Mascara Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I've never really gone along with the "you'll usually see a black face where there trouble". The above is what I said. In response to this - Almost every time you see a horrific murder on TV that isn't a mass shooting you can almost guarantee a black face shows up.
nicolewest Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 the mistake you made was dating her in the first place. If you are hiding someone in a relationship how is it healthy? After a certain period of time if you learn negative and irrational qualities about who you are dating and continue the relationship and just hope for change its not worth it. Dump her, be with someone who doesn't hide you. 1
Quiet Storm Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 . That's definitely part of it, but there's also basis for it in crime statistics. The statistics aren't fair, though. (not that I expect them to be). IMO, black people get caught more frequently than whites. I'm not saying black crime isn't a problem, but I think the stats are skewed. Most reported crimes occur in urban areas, which often have a large black population. My city, Baltimore, has 3100 cops and real time monitored crime cameras on every corner. It's much more likely that the black dope dealer in Baltimore will get caught because he has so many eyes on him. Meanwhile, meth is being cooked in Kansas trailers, oxys are being hustled in the mountains of Tennessee- in places that have two cops patrolling an entire county. Also, there is not enough diversity in rural areas. Rural kids grow up learning about black people on TV. My kids, on the other hand, have black doctors, teachers, neighbors and friends. They have real life experiences with successful, educated, law abiding black people on a daily basis. Rural kids don't get those positive experiences, and they form opinions based on negative stereotypes & media bias.
gaius Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 The above is what I said. In response to this - I was just teasing. The statistics aren't fair, though. (not that I expect them to be). IMO, black people get caught more frequently than whites. I'm not saying black crime isn't a problem, but I think the stats are skewed. Most reported crimes occur in urban areas, which often have a large black population. My city, Baltimore, has 3100 cops and real time monitored crime cameras on every corner. It's much more likely that the black dope dealer in Baltimore will get caught because he has so many eyes on him. Meanwhile, meth is being cooked in Kansas trailers, oxys are being hustled in the mountains of Tennessee- in places that have two cops patrolling an entire county. Also, there is not enough diversity in rural areas. Rural kids grow up learning about black people on TV. My kids, on the other hand, have black doctors, teachers, neighbors and friends. They have real life experiences with successful, educated, law abiding black people on a daily basis. Rural kids don't get those positive experiences, and they form opinions based on negative stereotypes & media bias. All good points but it still is what it is. The perception is still there even if it isn't as fair as it should be. Kind of like how all mentally ill people are condemned and persecuted even though it's a tiny percentage that are the problem.
Quiet Storm Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 (edited) I was just teasing. All good points but it still is what it is. The perception is still there even if it isn't as fair as it should be. Kind of like how all mentally ill people are condemned and persecuted even though it's a tiny percentage that are the problem. You are right, it is what it is... Not denying that. However, it is very possible to have a successful interracial relationship. Edited November 2, 2013 by Quiet Storm
Author Coup La-La Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 the mistake you made was dating her in the first place. If you are hiding someone in a relationship how is it healthy? After a certain period of time if you learn negative and irrational qualities about who you are dating and continue the relationship and just hope for change its not worth it. Dump her, be with someone who doesn't hide you. It's one thing to talk about should and shouldn't, but I loved this woman from the day I met her. Nobody else has made me feel the way she does (either physically or emotionally), and I'm starting to not be attracted or even notice other women. I also don't think I can handle the idea of someone else getting to be with her just because their white (actually in her case, just not black). "because you're black you lose out". It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from American politics. "I can stand the name calling, I can stand the exclusion, but I just can't stand the losing" - Richard Nixon
Quiet Storm Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 (edited) It's one thing to talk about should and shouldn't, but I loved this woman from the day I met her. Nobody else has made me feel the way she does (either physically or emotionally), and I'm starting to not be attracted or even notice other women. I also don't think I can handle the idea of someone else getting to be with her just because their white (actually in her case, just not black). "because you're black you lose out". It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from American politics. "I can stand the name calling, I can stand the exclusion, but I just can't stand the losing" - Richard Nixon I guess I just don't understand why you love someone that disses you. If you were my son I'd have a lonnnnng talk. You deserve better. Seriously. What makes this woman so valuable ? Edited November 2, 2013 by Quiet Storm
Necris Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 It's one thing to talk about should and shouldn't, but I loved this woman from the day I met her. Nobody else has made me feel the way she does (either physically or emotionally), and I'm starting to not be attracted or even notice other women. I also don't think I can handle the idea of someone else getting to be with her just because their white (actually in her case, just not black). "because you're black you lose out". It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from American politics. "I can stand the name calling, I can stand the exclusion, but I just can't stand the losing" - Richard Nixon Personally if a woman told me she can't be with me because of my race (I'm Black too) I would just move on. Let's be honest she could seem like a nice girl and all, but if she's racist, she's racist if someone can't get past the fact you're black walk away, they can't even accept you as a person and that's sad you don't want to be with people like that. 1
Quiet Storm Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 (edited) "The way someone makes you feel" is not love. Those feelings are all you- your need for validation. You need to learn how to validate and soothe yourself. You are barking up the wrong tree. You won't find happiness with her. It comes from within. When you are secure with yourself, she won't matter. Edited November 2, 2013 by Quiet Storm
nicolewest Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 It's one thing to talk about should and shouldn't, but I loved this woman from the day I met her. Nobody else has made me feel the way she does (either physically or emotionally), and I'm starting to not be attracted or even notice other women. I also don't think I can handle the idea of someone else getting to be with her just because their white (actually in her case, just not black). "because you're black you lose out". It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from American politics. "I can stand the name calling, I can stand the exclusion, but I just can't stand the losing" - Richard Nixon Well someone else will be with her because they are white or not black. You are not the end goal of her relationships because she wants to be with someone who will easily transition into her family life and has made it clear that you and anybody else with African heritage are not welcome. You might have her as your gf for now (kind of because only you and your friends and maybe her friends are aware of the relationship) but ultimately she has told you that will not be there forever because you are black. You barely have her now. I know I seem a bit harsh and I'm not trying to downplay the good of the relationship, however, you two are at a crossroads. She will either have to claim you or you will be forever in the shadows (because it sounds like you aren't going anywhere anytime soon).
Author Coup La-La Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 I guess I just don't understand why you love someone that disses you. If you were my son I'd have a lonnnnng talk. You deserve better. Seriously. What makes this woman so valuable ? What makes her so great? how kind her <3 is, she gives and gives and gives to everybody, she has even stuck by me even when I went through periods of major depression, and she has the greatest smile in the world :-) Not to mention how far she goes to make me feel like I'm not being used. even though I make 6 figures she won't let me pay for anything. As I said earlier I know that I should move on. but this hurts so much. and part of me is afraid that I'll just end up in another situation like this, i guess I feel that I would rather be with the devil I know. I really wish I didn't love her, she's like a drug addiction that I can't seem to quit. Extra info: My therapist says that I love her because she is so much like my mother which is true. When I grew up my mom was constantly talking about how many limitations we as black people have, which is odd considering that she is the chief heart surgeon at a major hospital
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