HopingAgain Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Its been awhile since I posted, but I wanted to share some progress in our reconciliation. The past few weeks have been nightmarish for me. My little cousin was murdered a few weeks back, only 17 years old. Its been extremely difficult coping with the grief overall we are very close with his parents and watching them suffer has bee horrendous. To make matters worse, I guess the trauma reawakened the impact that FWHs betrayalhad on me.I began to have nightmares about his cheating again. I woke up screaming one noght and woke him up too in the process. He asked me what it was about but not wanting to talk about the affair right now while grieving I just told him I had a bad dream and he was in it. So a few more days pass, we rent a standup comedy and watch it and thr comedian starts talking about his cheating and divorce. FWH keeps glancing at me to gauge my reaction but I was pretty much stonefaced. I just havent been bringing up the affair lstely at all. After the movie is over he says it wasnt funny and that he thought that the audience full of married couples didnt enjoy the comedy either. I think this was his way of letting me know where his head was at. But the real surprise here comes later. We were in the middle of a mibor disagreement when out of the blue he looks at me and says quietly "You know, I'm revrry sorry for what I did. I regret it all the time, I really do." I really couldnt respond but I squeezed his hand and thr disagreement we'd been having pretty much dissipated. We even ended up making love later and I slept like a baby. I know that actions speak louder than words, and the actions are there too dont get me wrong. But sometimes words are pretty darn important and mean a lot. Hid insolicited show of remorse really means a lot to me. Especially his intuitiveness that something more than our recent loss was bothering me. I really appreciate him reaching outthat way. I think we're turning a corner in our reconciliation. 7
NotCamelot Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 OMG. I am so sorry for your loss. That must be devastating, especially when added to your ongoing pain. The outcome of your story is really sweet. I wish my fWW were more vocal. She says it more with actions than words. But, then again, in the first 20 years she never said "I'm sorry" for anything. Since D-day she says very easily for different kinds of things - including things that I don't even notice. Thank you for sharing this. I will be praying for you and your family. 1
Author HopingAgain Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 OMG. I am so sorry for your loss. That must be devastating, especially when added to your ongoing pain. The outcome of your story is really sweet. I wish my fWW were more vocal. She says it more with actions than words. But, then again, in the first 20 years she never said "I'm sorry" for anything. Since D-day she says very easily for different kinds of things - including things that I don't even notice. Thank you for sharing this. I will be praying for you and your family. Thank you NotCamelot! Yes its been agonizing to deal witg another serious blow less thab a year from Dday. But FWH has really been showing what hes truly made of being super supportive of me and has been glued to my side.
beach Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Why are you choosing to stay silent when you have emotional reactions? That's NOT honest. If you can't share how YOU feel with your H - you aren't living within an authentic marriage! You are hiding emotions and pretending things are ok. That's just not addressing issues about how you feel. Do you often avoid to keep the peace? Why aren't you worthy of speaking up about how you feel?
Author HopingAgain Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Why are you choosing to stay silent when you have emotional reactions? That's NOT honest. If you can't share how YOU feel with your H - you aren't living within an authentic marriage! You are hiding emotions and pretending things are ok. That's just not addressing issues about how you feel. Do you often avoid to keep the peace? Why aren't you worthy of speaking up about how you feel? Hi Beach. I think you may have misinterpreted me a bit. I have NOT been "pretending everything is o.k." but I do admit that the conversations about the affair have taken a back seat for now in light of the recent tragedy my family is experiencing. I chose not to discuss the nightmares I had in detail because I didn't want to overwhelm myself anymore of take the focus off of the grieving that we are both doing with the loss of my cousin. It had nothing to do with keeping the peace, honestly I am a person that talks and shares down to minute detail when it comes down to a major issue that is bothering me especially. So the reasons I chose to stay somewhat mum have nothing to do with my thoughts about my worthiness or trying to keep a sense of peace. I actually think that its good progress though that my husband recognizes when I'm struggling even when I don't verbally share that with him and is becoming more empathetic and in tune with my feelings. 1
jnel921 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I am a believer that a WS can be truly remorseful if given the opportunity to prove oneself. My own WH has been great during this past year. He will always apologize even when he feels I am too silent. We've been through tough times as well. My 17 year old son got hurt last week and wound up having to have surgery and he was there with me at the hospital and was supportive. I know he loves me, just like your H loves you. Embrace it. 1
Author HopingAgain Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 I am a believer that a WS can be truly remorseful if given the opportunity to prove oneself. My own WH has been great during this past year. He will always apologize even when he feels I am too silent. We've been through tough times as well. My 17 year old son got hurt last week and wound up having to have surgery and he was there with me at the hospital and was supportive. I know he loves me, just like your H loves you. Embrace it. Sorry to hear about your son, Jnel! I hope all is well with him now! And thank you, even though it is a long process, having that support and knowing that the remorse is real and ongoing does a lot to help move along the healing!
Journee Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I just want to say that I am sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot speak too much about reconciliation right now. I am just very sorry to hear about your loss. (((Hoping))) 1
waterwoman Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 So sorry to hear about your cousin hoping. 17 is a mere baby Thinking of you and your family xxx 1
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