NYC1959 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I found out this summer my husband has been unfaithful for about 6 months. That is what he admitted to then...I told him we can't move on unless he tells me the truth and answers all of my questions. He told me yesterday that they were "talking" before that too. I KNOW her and her husband cam to confront my husband and my husband lied and said they just talked. Meanwhile he told all of our family the truth. This family lives down the street from us!!! So this other couple is carrying on, going to church together, etc and acting like this never happened. My husband is living with his mom and I am home. We were just becoming "empty nesters" with our last child going thru college right now. This was supposed to be "our time" and now I find this out. We have it all right here...healthy kids, successful lives, and he chooses this hillbilly chick that is 10 years younger and always had a "crush" on him since she was younger. Now they have been together intimately, etc. and I can't bare to look at him...She lied to her kids and said our family was making stories up about her and to be prepared to hear false stories??? Our family has never said a word to anyone about this. I am so pissed right now at this piece of crap person but I don't know if I should write her a letter or take the high road as I have been. Her brother just did this to his wife down the street a few years ago and the "other" husband beat the crap out of him in the middle of the street (jerry springer)??? My husband says he hasn't talked to her or doesn't want to...he always lies so I could never believe him. But he's really putting it on thick because he wants to be included in the Thanksgiving dinner....please talk me out of finding her and giving her a piece of my mind....
cozycottagelg Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Take your anger out on your husband. She may act like everything is going great for her, going to church, etc, but you don't know what they are going through behind closed doors. For all you know, her husband could know more than you think he does. It's okay not to like her, but your husband cheated on you, not her. Good luck, and I'm sorry you found yourself here. 1
NotCamelot Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 First, I am sorry that you are going through this. I do know how you feel. This is a good place with a lot of advice, both good and bad. Use the advice that works for you. We here will listen and try to help. We do understand. My own little bit of advice is: Does her husband know the truth? If not, you should let him know now! 1
Author NYC1959 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 The husband called me after we all found out. He knows everything. And he even called my husband and my husband told him the truth as well. He just chooses to believe that they just "talked" even after my husband said they didn't just talk. So I guess their family can handle it any way they see fit. It's really none of my business. Meanwhile my husband is writing me letters of commitments, etc. Meanwhile they are telling people about this ugly affair in the place we live. It''s horribly embarassing. My older children are cordial to him but they are limited on how they communicate to him. We live in small town (12,000) and I am sick because he first told me it was just 6 months, now its around Christmas of last year, it just seems like you relive it all over again...So in a month is he going to tell me it started two years ago? I can't sit here and think about this all the time. I can harldy sleep. I am taking too much Xanex to sleep...
Spark1111 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Are you SURE your H told him the truth and didn't just shore up her version of just talking? Do you have access to cell phone records and bank statements? You could probably figure out when it did start. What is your goal here? If he continues to trickle-truth, that's a game changer. Do you have all the info you need about the affair to make a decision? he is out of the house now. Are you considering counseling? I'm sorry you are going through this. Remember he and she chose to cheat. The humiliation is their's, not your's. Are you positive they are not in contact now?
Spark1111 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 If you want to contact her, do so. But try not to have any expectations of her telling the truth or even returning a phone call.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing, but you most likely will experience trickle truth - he will tell you what he thinks he can get away with (I did it as a FWW and my husband did it as a FWH). I hate to say it, but you need to keep prying IF you want the complete truth. Small towns are rough, but 12,000 is better than mine - 1000- AND our names were read before the church. Take time for yourself right now, breathe. You will get through it, but you do have a right to demand the full truth. And BTW, the other family is in damage control. This is typical.
PoopHappens Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. My best guess is there is a whole lot of lying going on and it will be a while, if ever the whole truth is known.
ComingInHot Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 question, are you both going to M counseling or at least IC? Sometimes having a mediator (whether you decide to D or R) can be extremely beneficial* And it's OKAY to be angry at exOW AND Your H!! But know you have the Truth. What they choose to do with it is up to them... sometimes UNfortunately. Lastly, take great pleasure in the fact that you are not her! She may hide it well, but people like that live a miserable life until they decide to change. Or she live an even worse afterlife, if you believe in such. (I Do*) ((hugs)) 1
Author NYC1959 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 Thanks for all your good advice. The "trickle truth " is just what is happening here. He told me it started in April and now it's sometime in January. And he keeps saying that he has to "move on and forget the past"..his way of excusing the fact that he refuses to tell me all of it. We are both going to counseling and have been for a year. But at the time of counseling he was telling the counselor that he is so happy and he doesn't know why he is there. And the whole time he was with her DURING the counseling. The only thing we ever fought about was where he was and of course, how he doesn't like to save money. So I've been running the finances,etc They had this thing so well planned. They would meet after work at 4 while she was supposed to be driving home from work. And he works some side jobs so I believed him when he told me where he was. He wants to be back in the house but I am not ready yet. I will be respectful for my kids and take the high road but it is very hard when I think about how she KNEW me. I already confronted he once when I found out and she said she thought my husband was disgusting???? Of course her husband was there. Oh well...I just can't stop thinking of them together. Can't sleep. Just been praying about it. 1
beach Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 He's not offering his whole truth - and you find you can't forget or forgive. That's understandable! Divorce him ASAP - that way you can allow him to be on his own with all his lies.
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