confident Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 All, I am new to this forum but have already found very helpful answers to many questions. I wanted to get your opinion on something really strange I have been noticing. I am 32, physically fit and 5'10" tall, with a good education, stable career & a very good income. I get complimented all the time for being suave, confident and charming. I have had many women also tell me that they find me very attractive, so looks do not seem to be an issue. I started dating online because I currently live in a very small city. I have been looking for a long term relationship. There are women I connected with online that show interest but then are undecided when I ask about meeting after exchanging 4-6 emails. There are others that I think I should definitely be hearing from, but never get a response to my first well composed email. Is it possible that women get too nervous or intimidated by a guy who is too good to be true, that they just do not want to proceed or are too nervous about it ? Should I water down my profile ? Any suggestions and your opinion is appreciated.
Eivuwan Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 E-mailing back and forth is not a good idea. Try to get them to chat with you on skype or something so conversations are more fluid. Then ask them out soon if you're interested. Don't invest too much time knowing them on the internet.
ConstantVoyager Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I sincerely doubt that's why you're not getting dates. I suggest looking at the tone and content of your messages and encourage you to do a face-to-face as soon as possible.
pteromom Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Is it possible a woman will be intimidated by a really good looking successful guy? Sure. But if NOBODY gets back to you, then that likely isn't the issue. It's probably something you are saying or doing. Do you use humor when you are writing them? Do you share who you are, or just come across as generic (I'm fit, have a good career, blah blah)? Do you bring up sex too quickly? Do you come across as too critical and picky? I don't know if you should change your profile without seeing it. But you'll never get 100% response. Women simply get bombarded with messages on OLD, so they only respond to the ones who really make an impression.
Author confident Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Is it possible a woman will be intimidated by a really good looking successful guy? Sure. But if NOBODY gets back to you, then that likely isn't the issue. It's probably something you are saying or doing. Do you use humor when you are writing them? Do you share who you are, or just come across as generic (I'm fit, have a good career, blah blah)? Do you bring up sex too quickly? Do you come across as too critical and picky? I don't know if you should change your profile without seeing it. But you'll never get 100% response. Women simply get bombarded with messages on OLD, so they only respond to the ones who really make an impression. I cannot say "Nobody gets back" and I have been on a few dates, but it sure is less than what I would expect. Maybe its the choice of options women have when dating online ! And I do not bring up Sex at all, not even remotely. Also I am not critical or picky, and that's why it baffles me more.
pteromom Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I cannot say "Nobody gets back" and I have been on a few dates, but it sure is less than what I would expect. Maybe its the choice of options women have when dating online ! Yeah, women truly do have LOTS of options online, so guys do have to work harder to get fewer responses. And I do not bring up Sex at all, not even remotely. Also I am not critical or picky, and that's why it baffles me more. Maybe it is just a matter of making sure that what you put in your profile is going to attract the kind of woman you are looking for and who wants the same thing as you. Read your profile as if it is a woman's profile and you are figuring out if you are interested in her, and see if there is anything in there that puts you off. I do agree that when someone responds, try to meet her face-to-face ASAP.
Phantom888 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Seriously, I'm not lying... most of the women I meet from online dating tell me: "You are almost too good to be true... so what's the catch?" Apparently there are lots of losers out there who are just liars and unattractive people. When I did OLD earlier this year, I was already 38 years old, 5'9" Asian, nice build, C-level job, etc. I only initiate contact 50% of the time, as I get "winks" and emails from women regularly. But when I meet the ones I am interested in, they are always skeptical at first, including my current GF. Later I asked my GF why she was so skeptical, and she explained that men who are "the whole package" are usually conceited, perverted, liars, serial killers and/or have some deep-seeded problems that are not obvious. It was hard to believe I am none of those, but I do have some insecurities now and then. I'm just human. To answer the OP's question: No women do not ignore good men. If they think the dude is too intimidating, they will still want to find out for themselves, and get some "action" on the way. Women like attractive men, believe it or not. If the guy turns out to be a weirdo or a prick, at least they confirmed it on their own and did not pass on a potentially good opportunity. If you think you are too good for the ladies, and they sense that, then you gonna be alone for a long time.
Author confident Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 Seriously, I'm not lying... most of the women I meet from online dating tell me: "You are almost too good to be true... so what's the catch?" Apparently there are lots of losers out there who are just liars and unattractive people. When I did OLD earlier this year, I was already 38 years old, 5'9" Asian, nice build, C-level job, etc. I only initiate contact 50% of the time, as I get "winks" and emails from women regularly. But when I meet the ones I am interested in, they are always skeptical at first, including my current GF. Later I asked my GF why she was so skeptical, and she explained that men who are "the whole package" are usually conceited, perverted, liars, serial killers and/or have some deep-seeded problems that are not obvious. It was hard to believe I am none of those, but I do have some insecurities now and then. I'm just human. To answer the OP's question: No women do not ignore good men. If they think the dude is too intimidating, they will still want to find out for themselves, and get some "action" on the way. Women like attractive men, believe it or not. If the guy turns out to be a weirdo or a prick, at least they confirmed it on their own and did not pass on a potentially good opportunity. If you think you are too good for the ladies, and they sense that, then you gonna be alone for a long time. I think I am seeing exactly what you state in the first part. They seem to believe it to be too good to be true. I have lived in LA and NYC and never had any such issues. In fact, there was no need for online ! Maybe its a small city thing and they are so risk averse that they do not even want to try ! Thanks for your inputs. BTW, I am in no way arrogant or anything and there is no reason for me to think that I am too good for anyone.
Sivok Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Your problem is that you're dating online. If you are not a male model, you will not have success there. There's some truth to this. When you have so many options, it's easiest to filter by going for the most aesthetically pleasing matches. To combat this, make sure your pictures really do show the best of you. I'd recommend getting professional pictures taken if you can.
Kate9292 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Your problem is that you're dating online. If you are not a male model, you will not have success there. Actually, I knid of agree with this. When I was doing OLD, I had my inbox flooded. And mostly with generic messages like "hi", "sup hottie?". How in the world was I supposed to choose other than by their looks?
antonio1149 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I am 32, physically fit and 5'10" tall, with a good education, stable career & a very good income. I get complimented all the time for being suave, confident and charming. I have had many women also tell me that they find me very attractive, so looks do not seem to be an issue. As others have pointed out, women online are generally *extremely* picky because they get so many responses. If you're not exactly (and I mean exactly) what they want or think they deserve, you'll get passed by. You state your height as 5'10"--usually, women state that they want a minimum or 5'9" or 5'10" so that might be one thing working against you. I often see ads from women who are 5'2 or thereabouts stating they want a guy who's at least 6'. I had a date once with a woman I met online--she was 5'7" and I'm 5'11". She later told me her first thought when she initially approached me was "My God, I hope he's tall enough!" She was far from physically perfect (overweight) and I had dress shoes with a heel on at the time. This should give you some idea of how ruthless women can be when it comes to the height thing.
EasyHeart Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 My theory is that any woman who doesn't want to date me must be a lesbian, but this theory would work, too.
Assasda Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 ^ yeah like he said. Women online are super picky, and they pick and chose who they respond to, because of whatever... Also..guy, you dont need women to give you validation and tell you if you are attractive enough. Its a level of insecurity. Just attack online dating, and if they dont respond to you. THEIR LOSS, buddy
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