bson1257 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I'm just wondering if most guys tend to avoid dating women with a lot of male friends since it probably means she is promiscuous.
ConstantVoyager Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Having a lot of male friends doesn't mean that a woman in promiscuous. 6
Author bson1257 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Having a lot of male friends doesn't mean that a woman in promiscuous. It seems like when a man has a lot of female friends, he is gay. However, when a woman has a lot of male friends then she is probably sleeping with most of them.
ConstantVoyager Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I don't sleep with my male friends, even when I'm single. The friendships probably wouldn't last if I did. I value them as friends. Guys with a lot of female friends are also not necessarily gay. They may just relate better to women in some areas or enjoy hearing women's takes on issues. 3
carhill Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I don't recall purposely 'avoiding' such women but nearly all the women I did date had few male friends, at least compared to the female friends we interacted with. My exW had some male friends, most of whom were customers, and we would occasionally socialize with the men and their wives. I can opine that a goodly number of MW's I interacted with over the decades did indeed demonstrate a marked group of male friends. For some of them, IMO their H's would/should have had good reason to be concerned. YMMV.
CarrieT Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 It seems like when a man has a lot of female friends, he is gay. However, when a woman has a lot of male friends then she is probably sleeping with most of them. Why are you making crazy assumptions? Most of my friends are male and I don't have sex with them. In fact, a friend from high school is going to give me away at my wedding. We have been friends for 30+ years and even when both of us were single -- and he tried to have sex with me -- it never happened and is a reason our friendship has survived. Again - why are you making assumptions about women having male friends like this? 1
Woop1337 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Not promiscuous, but IMO, most women that have a lot of male friends dig the "strokes". Would I avoid them? The answer would be not really. 1
Lansing Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I look for girls that have female friends too because otherwise it makes me wonder why they don't have female friends. Guys will put up with a lot of BS for a pretty girl but girls usually will not. 4
StanMusial Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 In my experience women that don't have many female friends and a lot of male friends tend to be a little off. Like they are hard to get along with or have some issues relating to peers. I wouldn't avoid them per se but if I wanted to date a girl who seemed to hang out with men all the time I would definitely wonder why. Many times they're not really friends but acquaintances who are sniffing around for some tail. 3
soccerrprp Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I have a number of female friends (I'm male) and some of them are exes. I'm not gay nor am I interested in sleeping with any of them. I'm in a relationship with someone and my current gf is not settled with the fact that I have so many friends of the opposite sex. I understand and make every effort to limit communication with them. It's a respect thing. I wouldn't mind if my gf had male friends as long as she limits communication and sets reasonable boundaries. 1
RogerWallace111 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 In my experience women that don't have many female friends and a lot of male friends tend to be a little off. Like they are hard to get along with or have some issues relating to peers. I wouldn't avoid them per se but if I wanted to date a girl who seemed to hang out with men all the time I would definitely wonder why. Many times they're not really friends but acquaintances who are sniffing around for some tail. Pretty much my thoughts. There are multiple reasons girls will end up having primarily male friends, and it's probably some different combination of the following in most cases: 1) She's gravitated toward the people who are most unconditionally kind to her and interested in hanging out. 2) She's insecure/lacks confidence and subconsciously seeks those who stroke her ego and treat her with a reverence that other females typically don't. 3) She's legitimately more interested/involved in something(s) that males tend to be and has naturally developed a mostly male circle of friends. 4) She's sick of girl drama & pettiness and thinks she "just fits in better" with the guys They'll almost always cite reason 4 and tell you how "most girls are just really stupid", and that guys tend to be "more chill". I usually think they just haven't looked hard enough for worthwhile female friends. Think of the girl as a singer, and her male friends as an audience who will always greet her with open arms and applaud. Why would she go sing for other singers who are going to be critical/judgemental when she's already got a fan base she knows will respond well to her performance? You know how when a guy is going through a breakup, people will often recommend that he hang out with his female friends? I think the idea behind that, besides just having fun or getting advice/wisdom, is to enjoy the male-female conversation dynamic and the self-affirming feeling it can provide. I mean, when a member of either sex is feeling down, some friendly, not-necessarily-flirtatious interaction with a member of the opposite sex can set you straight. I think girls are often seeking that sort of feeling when they hang with their male friends, probably without actually realizing it. I know going out with a few of my lady friends, even with no potential for sex/romance in the slightest, I'll feel like more of a "man" after simply because I've had female counterparts to bounce my "energy" off of.
youaremysunshine Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I have male and female friends. I know for a fact that men can be just as petty as women, between each other. They talk behind each others backs about everything and can be competive about the most inconsequential things, and passive agressive to top it all off. My friends are primarily in bands or jazz students. If you think that men don't have drama go to one of their rehearsals
hotpotato Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 It seems like when a man has a lot of female friends, he is gay. However, when a woman has a lot of male friends then she is probably sleeping with most of them. I dont think that is true all the time. Scenarios: 1) She is very naive as to what is going on (those guys are waiting for an opportunity for sex or romance). Believe it or not, there are many girls who really dont know what's going on. 2)She likes the attention Neither one means she is necessarily sleeping with them.
Leigh 87 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I have a high sex drive, but I don't need my guy friends to satisfy it. Not all women need a man to service them just because they hang out together. Really? You think MOST women sleep with their male friends? Not all men want to stick their dick into any female they find attractive. Not all women want to have sex with every attractive man they hang out with. Amazingly, I actually like to have friends. Male and female. ....However, I HAVE and DO have FWB. A FWB, one at a time, with men who I started out as friends with. They are genuinely my friends before and after the "benefits" ends, and I cease to really associate with them when I get a boyfriend, since it is disrespectful to hang with a person you once fcked when you have a boyfriend. We remain friends via facebook with a on e every few months hang out session. Since we are genuinely friends yet want to respect our partners boundaries. So don't worry. EVEN if a girl DOES fck one or more of her male friends due to being a FWB with them for a time, it does NOT mean they are out hanging out with these past FWB at all, or often enough to warrant any suspicions.
tlegend Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 For the OP: To me, it depends on that relationship they had. If their friendship is something they are open and honest about, it wouldn't bother me. However, if I feel that the friendship is shady, or it seems that the guy is not respecting the boundaries of our relationship with a disregard to how uncomfortable it is, I will then begin to distance myself and ease into a fwb situation. If she is oblivious to what is going on, truthfully, then I would explain it. However, I feel that if I have to explain respectful etiquette in a relationship with someone to a woman, that woman obviously isn't for me (relationship wise).
Kate9292 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I have lots of male friends and guys don't avoid me. Which is good - these are FRIENDS, not lovers. Most they do is get flirty from time to time, but nothing more. Then again it's kind of obvious guys don't avoid me if I have lots of male friends. If they avoided me, how would I make all these friendships?
salparadise Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 In my experience women that don't have many female friends and a lot of male friends tend to be a little off. Like they are hard to get along with or have some issues relating to peers. I wouldn't avoid them per se but if I wanted to date a girl who seemed to hang out with men all the time I would definitely wonder why. Many times they're not really friends but acquaintances who are sniffing around for some tail. This is my thought on it too. The reason is because she uses sexuality as the basis of her social connections and is validated through that. She lacks the socialization components that bond normal females in meaningful, trusting friendships. The men respond intuitively to the sexual undertones and the women intuitively don't trust her. There is always a competitive element with other females that comes from the same place as the attraction for the males. It's interesting to note in previous posts that women who say they have many male friends but not many females also keeping an FWB or otherwise activating guys from the queue of friends for sexual partners.
youaremysunshine Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I do draw on my friends for guys to date... I've only dated a few guys in my life and they have mostly turned into the relationships but yeah, I knew them socially first. My best friends are female but my social circle contains a number of men my age. Most of them have girlfriends (my gal pals) but some of them are single. I figured that is how this thing works? You meet eligible men in social situations through your network of friends? Otherwise you just have to rely on cold approaches and I have never been comfortable being "picked up" I prefer getting to know someone over time in low pressure group settings over shared interests and experiences. I also feel the fact that this person knows my close friends means that crazies and *******s are weeded out. I knew my current boyfriend 6 years before we started to date and nither of us thought we'd get together. our friend groups really overlap, and when our friends found out they all gave a big congrats!
salparadise Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I do draw on my friends for guys to date... My best friends are female but my social circle contains a number of men my age. Most of them have girlfriends (my gal pals) but some of them are single. I think you are not among the type we are referring to. I think it's perfectly natural to date people from a social circle that you've known a long time when attraction, timing and circumstances align. The fact that your gal pals with boyfriends don't exclude you, and that your best friends are female, tells me that you are not deficit in the normal socialization skills necessary for close same sex friendships and that you maintain appropriate boundaries with your gal pals' boyfriends. I would also bet that you're aware of the other type... women the gal pals don't readily accept because they don't connect somehow, but who do connect with guys, probably using subtle or overt flirtatiousness, and typically maintaining a little fan club with a pecking order which she orchestrates. It's easy for me to generate this description based on an individual that I know who is exaggerated in this regard, but I also believe there are many who fit this same pattern but operate with much more subtlety. One of the first things I observe when I meet a new dating partner is whether or not they have a number of close, long-term, same sex friendships. I'm pretty sure it's one of the best indicators of a normal, well adjusted person who is capable of forming and maintaining fulfilling, committed, romantic relationships, and other kinds of relationships as well.
Shepp Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Me and my gf share a lot of mutual friends and most of her friends are guys - doesn't bother me. Im not insecure and at ive said on here before I look for a gf I can be genuine friends with and share genuine interests with - most of my interests are very...guyie, so im chilled with the fact my gf gets on better with guys. 1
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