NC_unbearable Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Hello everyone, I'm a 27 male, and shes 25. Like the subject says, we have a 2 year old daughter who is just the most beautiful and smart girl. We have been together for 5 years. I recently went off the deep end, and broke up with her, realized I made a mistake, and but she says she doesn't want to be with me at all. I should have went with NC, but instead I drove 180 miles to see her, and was around her for a day. I can see I was suffocating her, so backed off. I have learned a lot, I don't really love myself right now, and its been creating this void in our relationship. My breaking up with here only triggered this. Now, as hard as it is I know we need to have no contact, and we both need to seek our hearts. Here the kicker, she already wants to drive the 180 miles I drove (after only 1 day of NC?), come to be and spend go do Halloween things with our daughter. I know I should probally say no, but can I?
barky2 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Do it,not for you,nor her, but for your daughter. Be civil,no begging ect. Just be there to have a blast for your little one, make sure you're in a great mood and make Halloween a unforgettable one for your daughter. Get thru this, post back how it went, and we'll see where we go from there. Barky 1
CarrieT Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Honestly, will a two-year old remember that their parents weren't together on Halloween? Nope. In the long run, the relationship is over and you two need to find out how to share custody, but it sounds like you need to work out visitation and move on. 2
Balzac Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Extremely remote chance a two year old will remember Halloween. One could pitch a case to support co-parenting but in your situation - risk of increased damage likely outweighs the idea. Familiarize yourself w normal two year old development. Use that as a guide.
barky2 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Guess I'm old school, kids needs over parents. I have a dog , not a child. What do I know. Good luck op. Barky
pteromom Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Here the kicker, she already wants to drive the 180 miles I drove (after only 1 day of NC?), come to be and spend go do Halloween things with our daughter. I know I should probally say no, but can I? Yes, you can say no. Tell her that in the future, you hope that you can enjoy special days together with your daughter, but that your wounds are still too raw and you don't think it is a good idea for you to be around her as a friend and ex yet. Then work on some type of temporary custody agreement with her until you can file in court. 2
Author NC_unbearable Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Thanks everybody, I just told her not to come nicely. Wether or not this works out is entirely up to the universe, and I am taking steps to lift myself up rather than just play victim and sulk. My sympathy to anyone that is reading this in the same boat! Life goes on.
Author NC_unbearable Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Wanted to update, I learned something important in what seems to be the most rapid recovery I've experienced in my life. I've accepted my situation, seriously in my heart. She kept bugging me to come get her stuff, and fought the idea of having my parents drive it to her, so I just decided to let her come and get it, I will get to hang out with my daughter anyhow. The secret I found is just accepting the feelings I am having. When I miss her, instead of fighting off the feeling, I accept it. Sure I miss her! Just keep accepting the feeling and it seems to go away, something a dear friend of mine taught me. Today, I approached a very nice looking girl at my college, and I actually made a friend. This is HUGE for me as I have lost a lot of friends in my life. I've also come to accept that I love my child's mother so much, and that the best thing to do is just let her be FREE. I kid you not, its been 5 days since the breakup, and I feel better now than I have felt in a LONG time. I've even rekindled a lot of relationships with friends I ignored. IT GETS BETTER. WORK ON YOURSELF. ONE DAY AT A TIME. Don't fight your feelings, just acknowledge that they exist, and accept them. If you fight your feelings you will only embed them deeper within yourself! FREE YOURSELF. <3 I didn't believe you guys when you said it was over, It's so hard to accept that. But the relationship IS over, in every situation I have read on this forum, they are all over. Coming to terms with that is the most important thing you can do. Maybe a new relationship will form later, but in no way can it be like the one that ended, so you just need to let him/her go! It's about you now. P.S. I want to change my user name to NC_bearable 1
Author NC_unbearable Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) Honestly? So yea I've come a long way, I have been feeling HAPPY, I've made new friends and have been out of my comfort zone as much as I can. I accepted my ex's request to come get her stuff, and just be done with it. I truly want to just move on. She gets into town, and stays all day packing everything and just saying things all over the spectrum! (all of this while I am just having a blast with my daughter, who I can tell knows shes not going to see me tomorrow, that just breaks my heart more than I can say) "I want to move (6 hours from you), and you can drive half way every weekend to get the kid." "I am going to get a job, goto school, and get a place." (Okay? I just kinda laughed inside). "I'm sooo sad right now..." (yea no **** I am too, I'm just being strong) "I am going to hold onto that engagement ring so... (long pause) I will just give it to (my daughter)." (like **** shes going to wear a reminder that her parents are separated) Through ALL of this and MORE I keep a level head. I love her, I just want her to be happy, but I need to move on too! Then she wants to spend the night, and of course I am saying NO. I cant deal with this, I have a life I need to live too. But she wont leave, so I put the kid to sleep, and say "I'm going to go sleep at a friends house, on the couch." I don't want to wake up and be reminded of my situation by being IN THE SITUATION. She gets all PISSED, out of nowhere. I have to say she is usually so much more mature than this. She ripped the baby out of bed, through her in her dads truck, and drove off. To make it worse, all of her stuff is STILL HERE. Shes going to come back... I don't want to keep ripping off the ****ing scab women! The last thing I told her, is "I love you [ex], I just want you to be happy even if its not with me. You and [daughter] mean so much to me!!! You need to understand that if we are breaking up, I need my space so I can grow too! If you love me you would want me to be happy to. And dammit I've been happy. I'm learning a lot about myself." Greeat. Now that I threw my heart out there to her, I'm back to square ****ing one. At least this time I am over her. Edited October 31, 2013 by NC_unbearable
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