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Tried to keep No Contact, but she texts that she's missing me

NeverBAWuss

By NeverBAWuss
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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NeverBAWuss Member

NeverBAWuss

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I was pretty devastated when I learned that my LDR sweetheart of 3.5 years no longer saw herself in a long-term-potential relationship with me, so I gave her the space she needed (she's 24 and appears to be going through G.I.G.S.).

 

I initiated No Contact a week ago, but she's already texted/IMed me a few times that she misses me and is thinking about me, and would even buy me a plane ticket to come visit her for a week because she misses cuddling with me, watching movies, and even (NSA now) sex.

 

It hurts to the point of tears (I exhibit many symptoms of depression) not to be in touch with her, so I responded to her texts (Limited Contact), but kept the communication way less intense (about 1/10th) than before the breakup.

 

Should I cut it off altogether?

Edited by NeverBAWuss
Philosoraptor Established Member

Philosoraptor

Posted
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Look, you might want to call it something else... but you had an open relationship and she found someone, while sleeping around in your open relationship, that she liked better than you. She now sees this as her ideal and wants to purse something different than you, as she knows now that she likes whatever this guy had more than what you had. Opening up a relationship is a lot like playing with fire, and you got burned.

 

Still wanting to sleep together, communicate, and spend time together is a good way for her to avoid the emotional pain after the end of the relationship. But unless she says to you that she wants to be in a relationship with you, it's just her way of keeping you around as an option.

 

I'd cut contact and let her figure out what she wants

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Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Dude, you two went into an open relationship. When a relationship gets to a point where you start inviting other people into it, you don't have a relationship anymore.

 

She left you for another guy that she was screwing. She decided that she valued this other dude more than you. She kicked you to the curb for someone else. Is she still with this person? If so, then she's got her priorities all screwed up. Remember, she made this choice, you didn't. So, she's going to have to live with the consequences.

 

To me, it sounds like she's probably still seeing this guy. But, examine what she wrote you. She misses you, thinking about you and would love to have you around to cuddle with, probably to spoon on the sofa or the bed and watch movies with (notice that the LAST thing she mentioned is the sex). This kinda makes me speculate that the guy she's doing isn't that into her. Makes me believe that he's a "hit it and quit it" kinda of guy. And when he's done, onto the next frat party. Only calls her or texts her back when he's feeling a bit horny.

 

So, she's turning to you. She misses the closeness of a relationship. For someone to hold her and to listen to her when she talks about her day. To be someone to lean on. To give her and ego boost.

 

If she could get you on board, she could get her fix. She would have the best of both worlds. She would have you filling her emotional needs and this other guy to fill her physical needs. Now, how is that fair to you? It's just going back to that open relationship without putting a title on it.

 

Dude, continue on with NC. Get your number changed and move on.And for Pete sakes, NEVER get into an open relationship again.

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NeverBAWuss Member

NeverBAWuss

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She left you for another guy that she was screwing. She decided that she valued this other dude more than you.

 

Or the other guy was the catalyst for her to express some dissatisfaction with our relationship. She was NOT an assertive person until she met him. He's hot, a great dancer, and her scoring him boosted her self-confidence. She had never been with anyone else but me since we met in 2010 and she was 21 back then.

 

She kicked you to the curb for someone else. Is she still with this person? To me, it sounds like she's probably still seeing this guy.

 

Yes, they've hooked up five times so far. She's told me all about it until I initiated NC (before the last hookup). After I started NC, it only took her three night to hook up with him again.

 

This kinda makes me speculate that the guy she's doing isn't that into her.

 

She did complain to me and her friends that he's playing hard to get, and that she's emotionally confused and kinda obsessed over him, and that interferes with her school and work.

 

If she could get you on board, she could get her fix. She would have the best of both worlds. She would have you filling her emotional needs and this other guy to fill her physical needs. Now, how is that fair to you? It's just going back to that open relationship without putting a title on it.

 

We live on opposite coasts, so I told her to pay for a plane ticket if she wants me to visit (and I won't stay more than a week(end)). So I guess it would be "fair" for me if I can see other women and get my horny fix elsewhere. But yeah, it's a half-assed relationship, compared to what was before.

 

Thanks for the advice, it helps.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

 

Should I cut it off altogether?

 

Yes! It isn't helping you by staying in contact with her. Block her.

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NeverBAWuss Member

NeverBAWuss

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Yes! It isn't helping you by staying in contact with her. Block her.

 

Well it did help me cope. Like I'd be in tears all day, but after exchanging some message with her, or calling, I'd be way happier. It's been a week since I last saw her and I initiated NC/LC that last day.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
Well it did help me cope. Like I'd be in tears all day, but after exchanging some message with her, or calling, I'd be way happier. It's been a week since I last saw her and I initiated NC/LC that last day.

 

Then go back with her if that's what you really want.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

"Yes, they've hooked up five times so far. She's told me all about it until I initiated NC (before the last hookup). After I started NC, it only took her three night to hook up with him again."

 

 

If you're finding out about her hooking up AFTER you started NC, then you're not in true NC. You shouldn't know anything about her life and she shouldn't know anything about yours.

 

Dude, you are a drug addict. That's how you have to look at this as. You stated that you get all weepy when you don't hear from her. But, when you do, you feel all better, happier. Well, you just got a drug fix. Now, your back down and looking for your next fix.

 

therefore, you have to do the very same treatment these drug addict have to do. One day at a time.

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