Does the initial "honeymoon phase" of a relationship wear off?

[jackinabox]

I'm a bisexual woman in my late 20's and I'm six months into a relationship with another woman of the same age. I'd briefly dated or had little flings with other women before, but never had a serious relationship with a woman, which I so badly wanted. I'd also been treated not so good in some of my previous relationships, one where I was emotionally abused. I was single for three and a half years and wanted to be in a relationship so much, and especially to experience truly being with a female.

 

My girlfriend and I were just friends for three months and initially I wasn't attracted to her because she is physically really not my type. But we were really connecting and just got each other and had so much in common. I suddenly to my surprise realised that I was falling for her. I started to chase her and she wasn't sure if she liked me and needed more time. I still kept letting my interest known until eventually my girlfriend realised she had feelings for me too and we began to date.

 

In the beginning I was absolutely crazy about her, couldn't be apart, loved doing everything just with her ans the sex was amazing. I would also get so jealous when my girlfriend talked about other women. I was so happy and after two- three months we both said we loved each other.

 

The only problem was that as the relationship went on, I started to find more and more things about my girlfriend that annoyed me and some of her attitudes. I feel that I'm so lucky to have her because she's so kind and unconditionally supportive to me, even though I have a debilitating chronic illness. I even came out to my family who didn't know I was bi so I could tell them about her. And my family are very conservative.

 

We've had a couple of little breaks before because some things my girlfriend did in social situations really annoyed me. But I always felt that I do have strong feelinfs for her and want to be with her.

 

However, now I feel like maybe my feelings have changed . It's either that initial "honeymoon phase" spark has worn off, or it's that my feelings are actually going away, I don't know...But now I feel like I'm not as crazy about my girlfriend and she really gets on my nerves a fair bit of the time. I often feel like I just want her to leave and I'm not feeling much when we have sex. But also sometimes I'm very depressed and I don't know if it's just that I feel empty in general. Something always made me go back to my girlfriend, but she just really makes me angry sometimes and we often fight. I can't figure out if I'm scared to leave her because I do love her, or because just want a good relationship so badly and I'm scared to be alone.

[almond]

This sounds like more than just the honeymoon phase wearing off.

 

I think you should sit down with your girlfriend, and have an honest conversation with her about what's going on.

 

Communication is key. You may or may not be able to get through this, but your chances become almost zero if you don't discuss your relationship with the only other party involved.

 

Be honest (not brutally so) and open in your communication, and try not to make her feel attacked. Just speak about how you're feeling (use I sentences as much as possible ie. "I have found myself feeling irritated, I feel like....blah blah), and reassure her that you love her and would like to make it work. Relationships require mutual effort - if you're not working together, then you're not working at all.

 

Something clearly needs to change for you to feel satisfied - if you do not confront this issue, your relationship will likely die a slow, drawn out death. This is unfair for both of you. Talk to her.

Edited October 28, 2013 by almond

[tricolors]

I'm a bisexual woman in my late 20's and I'm six months into a relationship with another woman of the same age. I'd briefly dated or had little flings with other women before, but never had a serious relationship with a woman, which I so badly wanted. I'd also been treated not so good in some of my previous relationships, one where I was emotionally abused. I was single for three and a half years and wanted to be in a relationship so much, and especially to experience truly being with a female.

 

My girlfriend and I were just friends for three months and initially I wasn't attracted to her because she is physically really not my type. But we were really connecting and just got each other and had so much in common. I suddenly to my surprise realised that I was falling for her. I started to chase her and she wasn't sure if she liked me and needed more time. I still kept letting my interest known until eventually my girlfriend realised she had feelings for me too and we began to date.

 

In the beginning I was absolutely crazy about her, couldn't be apart, loved doing everything just with her ans the sex was amazing. I would also get so jealous when my girlfriend talked about other women. I was so happy and after two- three months we both said we loved each other.

 

The only problem was that as the relationship went on, I started to find more and more things about my girlfriend that annoyed me and some of her attitudes. I feel that I'm so lucky to have her because she's so kind and unconditionally supportive to me, even though I have a debilitating chronic illness. I even came out to my family who didn't know I was bi so I could tell them about her. And my family are very conservative.

 

We've had a couple of little breaks before because some things my girlfriend did in social situations really annoyed me. But I always felt that I do have strong feelinfs for her and want to be with her.

 

However, now I feel like maybe my feelings have changed . It's either that initial "honeymoon phase" spark has worn off, or it's that my feelings are actually going away, I don't know...But now I feel like I'm not as crazy about my girlfriend and she really gets on my nerves a fair bit of the time. I often feel like I just want her to leave and I'm not feeling much when we have sex. But also sometimes I'm very depressed and I don't know if it's just that I feel empty in general. Something always made me go back to my girlfriend, but she just really makes me angry sometimes and we often fight. I can't figure out if I'm scared to leave her because I do love her, or because just want a good relationship so badly and I'm scared to be alone.

 

You're afraid to be alone. End of story.

 

Six months into a good, healthy relationship with someone you're really compatible with, you should barely ever have an argument, let alone "often fight." This has nothing to do with a "honeymoon period," someone you're really into shouldn't "get on your nerves a fair bit of the time." It is not normal for you to be so at odds with someone only six months into knowing them.

 

I've been dating a woman for seven months now and we've literally never said anything angry to each other, ever. We've had a minor disagreement or two, but very minor, and not angry. It was pretty much the same thing in the last relationship I was in.

[theediblewoman]

You're afraid to be alone. End of story.

 

Six months into a good, healthy relationship with someone you're really compatible with, you should barely ever have an argument, let alone "often fight." This has nothing to do with a "honeymoon period," someone you're really into shouldn't "get on your nerves a fair bit of the time." It is not normal for you to be so at odds with someone only six months into knowing them.

 

I've been dating a woman for seven months now and we've literally never said anything angry to each other, ever. We've had a minor disagreement or two, but very minor, and not angry. It was pretty much the same thing in the last relationship I was in.

 

I have to agree with this. Every relationship I've had that was long term,the first 6 months were a breeze and it was at 1 1/2 year mark that I found things started to get more difficult. Sounds like you're scared of being alone, but you're obviously the only one that can be sure.