irc333 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I sometimes hear about women that don't like a man that's "needy". Some say it's like a bad thing, when in actuality, when it comes to dating and relationships, aren't most people needy to a certain extent. Like with ANYTHING, there's always moderation vs. over indulgence. But just like anything TOO Much of something isn't healthy. Wouldn't it be unrealistic to say you'd want to date someone with 0% neediness. This goes into the same realm as jealousy...do most people experience some sort of small "twinge" of jealousy when they're dating, though they may not "blow up" at the person, I'm sure they feel it, yes? 1
todreaminblue Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 all humanity have needs ...one of the core needs besides food and water......is love.......FACT...... we are not nuns or monks or hermits or the majority of us are not neither are we psychopathic not needing human companion ship... i am a voluntary celibate hermit who lives with a tribe of people there you go...smilin..i crave solitude sometimes..so i can reflect and hear the ticking tock in my brain turn.... we have a basic instinctual urge which is a need to fill.......and that is to have someone love and care for us and to return that.....loving care...i am lucky i have people to love and care for who love and care for me...but a partner is different physically emotionally and spiritually...a partner is a caretaker also for your spirit.....they are responsible to help you grow to help you become better.....writing this i dont know if i agree totally with what i have just written ...arguing with myself....a partner is good for that too...so you dotn look crazy talking to yourself you talk it out with them....i was prompted to write what i do ...it comes from my heart my head argues with my heart all the time..........cheers... (when i let my heart write) yes solitude sends you crazy it is actually an effective form of interrogation for a reason....break a persons spirit with solitude....ahhhh ok now it makes sense....sorry if it doesnt to you..i think i wrote this to me....i am losing it...fracturing a bit ...im out...deb ps i have figured out when my heart takes over when i type...because my heart has no clue how to type makes masses of mistakes because my heart cant see the keyboard..i can spot it now.......;0)......toodles..embrace your needs.....because you need to...irc 33 ....deb
almond Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 (edited) Everyone has needs. To be labelled as "needy" however is a different thing. In my experience, "needy" people fail to see that their wants and needs are impacting their partner negatively, and perhaps stripping them of some of their independence. If your wants and needs are infringing upon your partner's ability to live their life in a way that they would like, inducing a feeling of being trapped or obliged to comply, then it is a problem. Same goes with jealousy I suppose. Sure, we may all want our partners to do everything that we would like at all times, but remembering that that person is, first and foremost, an individual with their own wants and needs is key. Being able to recognise that your neediness or jealous tendencies are negatively impacting them, and then going on to control those feelings, is crucial. Some people like to retain their independence in a relationship more than others. "Neediness" in a relationship can sometimes be nothing more than a compatibility issue. For instance, I am quite independent in a lot of ways. My partner and I are very close, and are very involved in each others day to day lives. However, I have never felt that he has been "needy." He can live his life on his own, but I choose to help and make things easier whenever I can. I do this out of love and respect, and not because I feel like he "needs" it or would struggle on his own. Your wants and needs should not be more than your partner is willing to give. If you are demanding more than they are naturally happy to provide, then it is an issue that needs to be addressed as neither of you are getting what you need at that point. So in that sense, a "needy" man would absolutely not be compatible with me. I need someone that can stand on their own two feet, and whose life does not revolve solely around me. What one person considers as "needy" and unattractive, may be ideal for someone else. Then there are the ones that use a relationship to fill a void, and expect their partner to enrich their somewhat empty lives constantly. The latter will always be unhealthy for all involved, but the rest is pretty subjective in my opinion. Different strokes and such. Edited October 28, 2013 by almond 1
todreaminblue Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Everyone has needs. To be labelled as "needy" however is a different thing. In my experience, "needy" people fail to see that their wants and needs are impacting their partner negatively, and perhaps stripping them of some of their independence. If your wants and needs are infringing upon your partner's ability to live their life in a way that they would like, inducing a feeling of being trapped or obliged to comply, then it is a problem. Same goes with jealousy I suppose. Sure, we may all want our partners to do everything that we would like at all times, but remembering that that person is, first and foremost, an individual with their own wants and needs is key. Being able to recognise that your neediness or jealous tendencies are negatively impacting them, and then going on to control those feelings, is crucial. Some people like to retain their independence in a relationship more than others. "Neediness" in a relationship can sometimes be nothing more than a compatibility issue. For instance, I am quite independent in a lot of ways. My partner and I are very close, and are very involved in each others day to day lives. However, I have never felt that he has been "needy." He can live his life on his own, but I choose to help and make things easier whenever I can. I do this out of love and respect, and not because I feel like he "needs" it or would struggle on his own. Your wants and needs should not be more than your partner is willing to give. If you are demanding more than they are naturally happy to provide, then it is an issue that needs to be addressed as neither of you are getting what you need at that point. So in that sense, a "needy" man would absolutely not be compatible with me. I need someone that can stand on their own two feet, and whose life does not revolve solely around me. What one person considers as "needy" and unattractive, may be ideal for someone else. Then there are the ones that use a relationship to fill a void, and expect their partner to enrich their somewhat empty lives constantly. The latter will always be unhealthy for all involved, but the rest is pretty subjective in my opinion. Different strokes and such. when i think of need, i think base need.....is affection companionship compassion respect and love....basic......i dont ask fro more than what a partner is willing to give.....but affection to me is a basic need from a partner...otherwise i am not satisfied..........i can also stand on my own two feet...to feel needed not only wanted by someone to me isnt bad...to em needign someoen is deeper than wanting just to be with them ...wants are often fickle and changeable......needing is where you cant imagine life without them ....still standing on your own of course....but that person beside you..deb
Author irc333 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 What one person considers as "needy" and unattractive, may be ideal for someone else. Then there are the ones that use a relationship to fill a void, and expect their partner to enrich their somewhat empty lives constantly. The latter will always be unhealthy for all involved, but the rest is pretty subjective in my opinion. Different strokes and such. Right, that's how it is in more smaller, rural towns...a lot of couples are kind of joined at the hip. I think I tried to get this guy to see a movie with us and anther group of friends. He works a typical 9 to 5 job, his wife is a chef that works later at night. He said he couldn't make it because his wife comes up at night at 8pm (the time the movie starts) Couldn't get my head around it, so I ask, "So you can't go to the movie and let her come home by herself?" And he said, "No, I just like to be here when she gets home." Very strange birds...but I've seen them...his wife is pretty darned needy..and I guess he doesn't mind, so I suppose it works.
pteromom Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I think it is more important that people are *equally* needy. Yeah, everyone needs SOMETHING, or why be in a relationship? But it is draining when one partner always needs more than the other, so it feels like constantly trying to meet someone's needs and they are never satisfied. It's never enough. That's tiring! I'm not at all a "joined at the hip" kind of person, and I would feel suffocated in a relationship like that. But I also know couples who do everything together and are very happy.
TheBathWater Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Neediness, in moderation, is perfect normal and healthy. Both an excessive amount, as well as a complete (claim to a) lack thereof, signals warning to me.
Author irc333 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 I know that are opposite of needy. I know a woman that likes dating pilots because they're hardly ever around, and she prefers it that way. I know of some women that are currently in long dist. relationships (3 or 4 hours away) only because if he lived locally, he'd be at her house all the time....they want to avoid that situation altogether. The latter is quite unhealthy I would think, and some guys might try to hit on her or try to talk her out of dating said guy because they think that her relationship is a 'go no where' relationship. lol
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