justsomeguy80 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Need advice NOW! I'm about to move into a new apartment with my girlfriend and sign a 1 year lease. But, I fear she may be CHEATING! We've been together almost a year, lived together for 6 months, and I've NEVER been happier in my life. We're compatible in every way and rarely ever argue about anything...However, she's displayed some unusual habits that have risen my curiosity and caused me to dig a little. And what I found is seemingly not good at all. She texts and facebook messages people all day. Not a big deal, right??? Well when we're together, sometimes I'll use her phone to get a hold of a mutual friend or whatever, usually via text. A couple of months ago I began to see some strange texts about her meeting a male "friend" of hers for dinner when she never mentioned having dinner with him,(this guy friend has always acted strange towards me; avoids eye contact, conversation or even being in my immediate area when we're all out together). Not wanting to be overly jealous, I let it slide and forget about it. About a month ago she starts texting this guy a TON. Hours a day. I start to get curious and shamefully wait until she's asleep and take a peek. There's no messages from him! She deleted them! All other messages from myself and other are there for the past week, his are gone. Now I'm in panic mode. I've been with cheaters...I know the routine. I start paying more attention. She has talked to him very regularly and EVERYTIME the messages are deleted and only his! Do I confront her? I've been cheated on several times and where there's a cheater there's always denial... Do I spy on her? I can always put spy software on her phone and read ALL of the messages she's deleting, but I feel I've crossed too many ethical boundaries already. What if it really is nothing?... I love this girl with everything I have. I've never been in love like this. Losing her would be the biggest loss of my life. But, I can't help but feel something is off. Please Help, Thank you
aliveagain Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Need advice NOW! I'm about to move into a new apartment with my girlfriend and sign a 1 year lease. But, I fear she may be CHEATING! We've been together almost a year, lived together for 6 months, and I've NEVER been happier in my life. We're compatible in every way and rarely ever argue about anything...However, she's displayed some unusual habits that have risen my curiosity and caused me to dig a little. And what I found is seemingly not good at all. She texts and facebook messages people all day. Not a big deal, right??? Well when we're together, sometimes I'll use her phone to get a hold of a mutual friend or whatever, usually via text. A couple of months ago I began to see some strange texts about her meeting a male "friend" of hers for dinner when she never mentioned having dinner with him,(this guy friend has always acted strange towards me; avoids eye contact, conversation or even being in my immediate area when we're all out together). Not wanting to be overly jealous, I let it slide and forget about it. About a month ago she starts texting this guy a TON. Hours a day. I start to get curious and shamefully wait until she's asleep and take a peek. There's no messages from him! She deleted them! All other messages from myself and other are there for the past week, his are gone. Now I'm in panic mode. I've been with cheaters...I know the routine. I start paying more attention. She has talked to him very regularly and EVERYTIME the messages are deleted and only his! Do I confront her? I've been cheated on several times and where there's a cheater there's always denial... Do I spy on her? I can always put spy software on her phone and read ALL of the messages she's deleting, but I feel I've crossed too many ethical boundaries already. What if it really is nothing?... I love this girl with everything I have. I've never been in love like this. Losing her would be the biggest loss of my life. But, I can't help but feel something is off. Please Help, Thank you Time to install a key logger, do not sign a lease. Too many red flags.
Dreamworld Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 (edited) I had an ex-husband who was a serial cheater and he displayed the same above early signs of cheating as your gf, such as the excessive contact and deletion of messages (like you, I saw them before he erased them), and the dinners out without informing me (this usually leads to physical infidelity if continued). If you decide to confront her, I heavily suggest you do it when you have solid evidence/proof of her wrongdoing so she can't deny it or turn the tables on you. Like the poster above, a keylogger or any legit way to record her wrongdoings. Without solid proof (confronting her with what you have now is not enough) she will deny it, or call you insane and jealous for going through her stuff, or pull some pity act of how you don't trust her etc, why would she do anything like that to you, etc. I was unfortunate enough to experience this twice but by the third time I got my act together. The third time he was juggling about three more women. The same early signs of cheating continued. I took all the proof and took him to court. I know this will be hard, but you have to try to not let on you know something is up while you gather proof, or she'll take it underground and be more cautious in hiding it from you. You guys are not married so you don't have to worry about all the legal stuff if you decide to break up with her. You say you really love her but think hard if you can continue a relationship with someone who cheats on you. I recommend not signing the lease though until you have this all figured out. And always listen to your gut. It helped you to find the messages right? Good luck. How did you deal with the other cheaters in your past? Edited October 28, 2013 by Dreamworld
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