Woman playing head games with me?

[LovesickAlberta]

I finally apologized. I hope I am forgiven:

 

"I wanted to apologize for the last message that I sent you. I had no right to judge you, and you certainly did nothing to deserve it, especially after helping me years ago. I've been dealing with some personal issues, and have just been in a really negative state of mind for the past couple of months. Regardless, that’s no excuse for talking to you like that. I feel like a complete douche-bag, as I was wrong, and hope I did not hurt your feelings. All I ask is for your forgiveness, even though I am not sure I really deserve it. I hope all is well with you."

[phineas]

Delete her number OP.

seriously.

Delete it now.

 

I text once.

If I don't hear from them in a week I delete their number.

 

Never chase.

A woman who is interested will respond or even initiate texting.

 

Also, women who are into you will make it easy for you to see them.

Some women do play hard to get but honestly, why bother?

 

It seems to me OP that you need to get out more & date more women just for practice until you can get over the "URMAHGAWD SHE GAVE ME HER NUMBER!" feeling.

 

I used to feel this way back when I was just new to dating again.

Focusing way too much energy while getting nothing back from her in return.

Double or triple texting.

 

Except the whole long-ass text thing thing pouring out my heart.

God no, I never did that.

 

Thankfully my ex-wife left mine cold,dark & empty so i'll never embarrass myself like that. LOL!

[LovesickAlberta]

I text once.

If I don't hear from them in a week I delete their number.

 

Never chase.

A woman who is interested will respond or even initiate texting.

 

Also, women who are into you will make it easy for you to see them.

Some women do play hard to get but honestly, why bother?

 

It seems to me OP that you need to get out more & date more women just for practice until you can get over the "URMAHGAWD SHE GAVE ME HER NUMBER!" feeling.

 

I used to feel this way back when I was just new to dating again.

Focusing way too much energy while getting nothing back from her in return.

Double or triple texting.

 

Except the whole long-ass text thing thing pouring out my heart.

God no, I never did that.

 

Thankfully my ex-wife left mine cold,dark & empty so i'll never embarrass myself like that. LOL!

 

I agree about not contacting her if she does not respond. It's up to her to say "I forgive you." It's weird that she didn't delete me from facebook or any social groups though.

 

I'm pretty sure I know how this happened. When we came into contact for the first time in 7 years, and she told me she had a crush on me back then, and dressed up when she knew I was around, and asked if I had a gf, I had always viewed her as a friend, and I was oblivious to anything else.

 

I made the mistake of thinking "if this woman has seen me at my worst, when i was vulnerable, and feel this way about me, there is no way we could not be together." I started thinking she was the missing piece of the puzzle in my life, and my problems would be solved if she was there to make everything all right. I had totally unrealistic expectations of her.

 

I set myself up for failure, and in future, I will just have to handle things like this one step at a time, instead of expecting the world from someone.

[Mrlonelyone]

I agree about not contacting her if she does not respond. It's up to her to say "I forgive you." It's weird that she didn't delete me from facebook or any social groups though.

 

I'm pretty sure I know how this happened. When we came into contact for the first time in 7 years, and she told me she had a crush on me back then, and dressed up when she knew I was around, and asked if I had a gf, I had always viewed her as a friend, and I was oblivious to anything else.

 

I made the mistake of thinking "if this woman has seen me at my worst, when i was vulnerable, and feel this way about me, there is no way we could not be together." I started thinking she was the missing piece of the puzzle in my life, and my problems would be solved if she was there to make everything all right. I had totally unrealistic expectations of her.

 

I set myself up for failure, and in future, I will just have to handle things like this one step at a time, instead of expecting the world from someone.

 

 

How does that relate to girls flaking OP? Here is how. I have dated both men and women and to the greatest extent someone can experienced both gender roles in dating there is one great truth.

 

 

In many important ways men and women are exactly alike with one difference. Women are less likely to just say what they want.

 

 

Women will flake out on a date thinking it will make you more into them.

 

 

Women will flake out on a date in hopes you will go away.

 

 

Women will tell you not to contact them ever again and call police if you do.

Women will tell you not to contact them ever again and then call you, then hang up, or concoct a reason for you to come around.

 

 

Women will react the way this video shows..... In both ways, towards the same man/men depending on the week of the moth.

 

 

The one thing that makes men and women different is that men are much more consistent over time than women are. That is why women flake on dates, run out on weddings, and are more likely to file for divorce. It is a woman's prerogative to change her mind.

 

 

It's nothing you did. That s just a woman being a woman.

[spiderowl]

When someone who seems so welcoming and keen loses touch quickly, it's often for one of two reasons:

 

- they are married or have a significant other and didn't happen to tell you;

- they are having phone problems

[Mrlonelyone]

When someone who seems so welcoming and keen loses touch quickly, it's often for one of two reasons:

 

- they are married or have a significant other and didn't happen to tell you;

- they are having phone problems

 

 

 

Or they are cuckoo.

[LovesickAlberta]

Or they are cuckoo.

 

I wouldn't go that far. Everyone has issues, and in summary, I really did not expect her to come on so strong, and was hurt that once I reciprocated this, by saying I cared about her, that is when she lost interest.

 

I know she has issues with men, as she has no contact with her father, minimal contact (or none?) with her brother, leaving her husband who seemed not to treat her well (although I don't know the full story as I only had heard things), and one year later, leaving her abusive and controlling boyfriend.

 

Needless to say, I am not sure if my letter hit a little too close to home or not, but I feel I violated her trust and was too judgmental in my letter. It was over the top, and I still regret it.

 

She is a good person, with a good heart. She works with disadvantaged people, such as abused woman, offenders, victims, prostitutes, drug addicts, etc. and tries to make a difference. I just hope considering the line of work she is in, she may have seen it all, and be more willing to forgive, and forget.

 

On that note, I hope she at least writes back and just says "you're forgiven" or something to that extent. Otherwise, I will inevitably feel depressed for a couple of weeks, move on with my life, and make the effort to not get so emotionally invested in someone so fast.

[LovesickAlberta]

I was just reminded of something. There is a condition (name I cannot recall), where people who have been either saved, rescued, or helped in difficult or even life-threatening times, fall for the person who helped them. Apparently it often happens with Firefighters, Police, lifeguards, and others.

 

While, I never viewed her as more than a friend until last week, I may have had experienced similar feelings, as she did help me out quite a bit in 2006, when I was at my lowest point in life, and once she revealed she was interested in me, that is when I felt she could "save" me from some issues in life that I had, and be the missing piece of the puzzle for true happiness.

 

Unfortunately, research indicates these type of relationships nearly never work out, so maybe I should have expected this.

[lollipopspot]

I just hope considering the line of work she is in, she may have seen it all, and be more willing to forgive, and forget.

 

On that note, I hope she at least writes back and just says "you're forgiven" or something to that extent. Otherwise, I will inevitably feel depressed for a couple of weeks, move on with my life, and make the effort to not get so emotionally invested in someone so fast.

 

I'm sure she'll understand where you are coming from, and forgive. However I don't think there's much for her to forgive. You didn't hurt her. You made things awkward and confusing, but she'll get over it and move on. And so should you - now. It's not worth being depressed about - it's over, let it go.

 

I was just reminded of something. There is a condition (name I cannot recall), where people who have been either saved, rescued, or helped in difficult or even life-threatening times, fall for the person who helped them. Apparently it often happens with Firefighters, Police, lifeguards, and others.

 

Erotic transference.

[LovesickAlberta]

Thank you. Erotic transference.

 

Sorry for dwelling on this. I always have a habit of psycho-analyzing things,a s to see what went wrong, and what to do to prevent this from happening. I think I'll give this a rest before forgetmenot75 attacks me.

[LovesickAlberta]

She forgave me!!!!!!

[LovesickAlberta]

"(name withheld), you need help. Seriously, it’s not normal to message one of your former clients, and tell them how infatuated you were with them, and then proceed to flake out less than 48 hours later. It’s very disturbing behavior. Never mind the fact that it is highly unethical, and can lead to some serious problems for you on your job eventually, did you ever think of the hurt it may cause? You clearly have never learned boundaries. The funny thing is I had no interest in a sexual relationship with you, whatsoever. What is even more hilarious is from the second minute of our phone conversation to our last contact, I caught on to the fact that “this chick is trying to psychoanalyze me.”

 

This may work for someone who is not familiar with study of human emotions, but you are battling with someone you cannot possibly win against. It’s in my blood, and in a battle of wits, you would take quite the proverbial beating, if I wasn't bending over backwards to be so uncharacteristically nice to you. Face it, just because you have some piece of paper from a community college, does not automatically qualify you as an expert in human behavior. You have to think outside the box. Try going to Aboriginal healing circles, sweat lodges, acupuncture, yoga, meditation, eastern medicine, the therapy of human touch, etc. I've learned all these techniques, along with some University courses I took 15 years ago.

 

And what was worse, is for the whole week, I was saying things I didn't even mean, in a fruitless attempt to bring out the (name withheld) of 2006 (and fighting a losing battle). The mellow, caring, and compassionate person who helped me so much back in the day. The true irony is, we have gone down completely opposite paths. I may not be perfect, but at least I admit my shortcomings as a person, and try to better myself, although I slip from time to time. You need to address your problems, in spite of the brainwashing the social work has done to make you feel superior to the clients (and ex-clients). Why else would you play these kinds of games with me when you are 28, with two kids? You didn't even do this at 20.

 

It’s pretty clear to me that you may not have the ability to separate work and play. It was pretty disgusting and horrible to do to anyone, never mind an ex-client you worked with at xxxxxxxx, what you put me through last week. You have changed, and not for the better. And I shouldn't really give a ###$ about you, as I certainly am not sexually attracted to you, and would definitely never get into a relationship with you at this point of time. However, you did help me at a time of need, and it’s time I returned the favor.

 

Even though I am pissed at you for what you did to me, I truly believe you are a good person, who is just burnt out. It’s not healthy to have such animosity towards your former lovers or boyfriends (or anyone for that matter). Why tell me they are “crazy, “or give me the impression they are bad people? It’s just not healthy. When you asked about my ex of 3 years, I at least mentioned that she had BPD, and refused to get help for it. I could have called her “crazy,” but that is just in poor taste, especially for someone with problems they were born with.

 

All I can do is give you an article I read about (which I have known about, but never bother to read until now). If you care about yourself, you will find the time to read it, as well as some links I have left you at the bottom. If you don’t want to change, or at the very least apologize, then f*** off, as I don’t wish to speak with you ever again. I just cannot believe you would do something like this to me, one of your ex-clients, especially after I let you know how appreciative I was, of your help."

 

My final letter to her....

[forgetmenot75]

OMG..........What happened after she forgave you??

[LovesickAlberta]

OMG..........What happened after she forgave you??

 

She showed her true colors the night before, by paying a babysitter to watch over her kid, then going to the bar, getting drunk, and having sex with two men at once. I'm through with her.